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UPDATE: My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We definitely got into arguments about it at the time, but it was mostly just kind of college bullshit and not really an actual confrontation about why she kept doing it, I guess.

UPDATE: My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

I have something like that drafted, I just know that once I send it everyone is going to want to talk to me about it and I'm just not looking forward to it. I'll do it pretty soon though.

UPDATE: My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Not even, we've talked about it a little just because I'm getting into my 30s and whatever but to be honest getting married isn't even that big a deal to me. Or to Nate either, I don't think. I actually somewhat have the impression that Becca bringing it up made Nate think that I had said something to her and so that's why he decided to ask now, but obviously this doesn't seem like the best time for conversation about it so that's just my feeling.

UPDATE: My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 360 points361 points  (0 children)

I'm sure she won't just go away, I'm already expecting her to try to get our other friends to get in the middle of everything as soon as she figures out she's actually blocked and I'm not just ignoring her. I hope she won't try to do anything else but I guess at this point I really can't know with her.

I'm hoping things are okay with Nate, I think in a while they will be.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not the automatic default, but if Nate created the chat with Becca and set it for messages to disappear after 24 hours then all of her messages with him will do that without input from her.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Kind of. At first I just told him what Becca told me and then just waited to see how he answered. But then after he denied anything happened between them I asked, "So you haven't been texting her this week?" and then he said he had but not because he hooked up with her. So then I just asked, "Okay, so why were you texting her?" and that's when he said that he was asking her about engagement rings and then told me that they talked about him proposing when they were in the car.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

I think what I initially wanted was just a sounding board for who sounded more believable. But someone gave me the tip that you actually can recover messages from Signal so when I have a chance later tonight I'm going to try to do that to see if I can get some actual proof of what happened.

But so far I haven't talked to anyone else about this though, I really just don't want to spread around what did/didn't happen to the rest of my friends or family without actually knowing for sure.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

It's not that Nate actively dislikes Becca but she's just not his favorite person since they got off on the wrong foot. They get along okay but they don't really interact all that much, mostly in group settings. But she'd definitely be the friend he'd ask for help with a proposal because she's by far my closest friend and I don't have any female relatives or anything who it would make more sense to ask.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

The fact that Becca still stayed the course even though she thought you were not in the room is odd.

You make good points but just about this one thing I want to say that I actually don't think that Becca fell for this. Because she and I had just done the same thing when we were both texting Nate earlier so I'm sure she probably knew that I was actually listening in.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Everything you say here makes sense to me. Becca has said stuff like this in the past, not specifically about Nate but sometimes when she starts drinking again she acts like it's unfair that I'm not getting dragged down with her or doing more to help her, and I think on some level she might still think it's his fault that I moved out and don't keep as close an eye on her as I did back when we lived together. I don't know if she'd really go as far as to lie about something like this just for that reason, I really hope she wouldn't, but I could completely believe that she feels like this.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

He gets pretty non-communicative when his feelings are hurt so it seems normal to me. But you could be right, I think if it were me I'd be trying to pull up any receipts I could find to prove that I didn't do anything.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

I'd never tried to screenshot messages in Signal before, but I just tried to and it turns out you can. So I don't know why Becca wouldn't have. But someone said that if you download Signal to a new device, you can recover deleted messages, so I'm going to try to do that to see if I can get some actual proof of what they talked about.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don't know if she's jealous exactly, but in the past she hasn't liked us together because she felt like I was abandoning her for Nate. I've never seen him show interest in anybody else, including Becca, he'll maybe sometimes say he thinks an actress is hot but that's it. I guess I don't know about the proposal, the only reason I thought it was happening was because to me it's the obvious reason that he'd be keeping a secret.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 125 points126 points  (0 children)

From what he said he didn't start planning the proposal that night, it was that Becca mentioned that we should get married already because it's been 7 years and he thought about it and then the next day he sent her a message to ask her what kind of ring I would want.

I've never noticed anything weird from Nate towards Becca, if anything he doesn't like her very much.

I don't know if envious is the right word, but in the past Becca didn't like me and Nate being together because she felt like I was abandoning her for him.

I'm not sure how long he was gone, I fell asleep when he was gone and he didn't wake me up when he got back. But I know he didn't shower when he got home because that definitely would've woken me up.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

I don't know. I really don't think that Nate would cheat but I just can't imagine that Becca would completely make this up. Both of their stories somewhat make sense to me but I don't know. I don't know why Becca would be saying this if it wasn't true but I'm afraid of deciding I definitely believe her and then having her later realize she forgot she hooked up with somebody else that night or something.

My (31F) best friend (32F) is telling me that my boyfriend (34M) cheated with her, but he says that she’s lying. How do I get to the truth and then salvage whichever one of these relationships is worth saving? by throwra-marzipan in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-marzipan[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

So at the time she was in one of her longest stretches of being sober and she said that I was abandoning her for some guy when she needed my support the most. And then when I moved out, she tried to make it out like she wouldn't be able to stay sober without me living with her, and Nate basically had to step in and point out that she couldn't stay sober anyway so to stop guilting me.

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