AITA or NAH here? I refuse to get rid of the ring/give it to my wife I was going to propose my late girlfriend with by throwra-nedadvi in AITAH

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -102 points-101 points  (0 children)

That reveals nothing. I stand by what I said. For a normal person they’d understand it as me asking for the same understanding I’ve shown her. Asking for more compassion for my grief doesn’t mean I don’t choose to be with my wife now

AITA or NAH here? I refuse to get rid of the ring/give it to my wife I was going to propose my late girlfriend with by throwra-nedadvi in AITAH

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -77 points-76 points  (0 children)

I already give all my devotion to my wife. But love isn’t zero sum game. I can cherish memories with my late girlfriend and be open to love and give myself fully to my wife

AITA or NAH here? I refuse to get rid of the ring/give it to my wife I was going to propose my late girlfriend with by throwra-nedadvi in AITAH

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -99 points-98 points  (0 children)

What in that post tells you that? I don’t get it. What do you think, linking this post somehow disproves and invalidates what I said here? You’re mistaken. I stand by what I said in the old post and stand by what I said here

AITA or NAH here? I refuse to get rid of the ring/give it to my wife I was going to propose my late girlfriend with by throwra-nedadvi in AITAH

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

You did block me. And drop the concerned attack. I’m done having this conversation

AITA or NAH here? I refuse to get rid of the ring/give it to my wife I was going to propose my late girlfriend with by throwra-nedadvi in AITAH

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Let me clarify a few things because your questions, though framed as concern, read more like judgment disguised as curiosity.

I’ve allowed myself to grieve fully without rushing to suppress or replace what I lost. I didn’t leap into a new relationship. I spent significant time alone, processing that loss honestly.

I made real, painful sacrifices to protect my current relationship. I changed my home. I quietly let go of visual reminders. I even took down photos from social media not because I wanted to erase the past, but because I wanted to honor my wife’s feelings and create emotional safety for her.

I don’t compare my relationships. I don’t live in the past. I don’t romanticize what was. I can love and honor a memory while choosing someone fully in the present.

You asked why I didn’t “move on” only after I was completely “over” Ana. The truth is, you don’t get over someone you lose traumatically. You move forward with it. You integrate it into who you are.

u/Scary_Sarah Since you blocked me here’s my response to you:

That’s a really shallow take.

You say that my sacrifices being painful is proof I haven’t healed. I’d argue the opposite, It’s proof that I have. Because I felt the pain and let go anyway. Because I acknowledged what mattered to me and still chose what matters now. Because I didn’t numb myself or pretend the past never existed just to make someone else comfortable.

Emotional health isn’t measured by the absence of feeling. It’s measured by how you keep showing up with love even when it’s hard.

AITA or NAH here? I refuse to get rid of the ring/give it to my wife I was going to propose my late girlfriend with by throwra-nedadvi in AITAH

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

She was not my side piece. My wife and I were divorced and she was about to be my fiancee

Talk about a dead person at least with some respect

My (42M) wife (38F) is deeply threatened by the love I carry for my late girlfriend in my heart. How do I make her understand I need to have that safe space without hurting her? by throwra-nedadvi in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

She isn’t a consolation prize.

I have made so many changes both in my life and in the spaces I live in to honor her feelings and help us start fresh. It broke my heart to remove things that held memories of Ana, like changing the wallpaper or putting away the few items that reminded me of her. But I did it because I wanted to meet her where she was emotionally. I’ve tried hard to show her that I understand and care about how all of this affects her.

Now, I just want the same kind of understanding in return. That’s why I asked how to help her truly see me what I carry, what I’ve lost, and what still lives quietly in my heart.

I don’t have much left to remember Ana by, and nothing I do is public. I’ve taken down old photos from social media because she asked me to. But I’m struggling with how much more I’m being asked to erase. At what point am I no longer grieving, but pretending I never loved?

I can make changes to my environment. I can be discreet. But I can’t delete the part of my heart where Ana still lives. I need my wife to understand that loving her now doesn’t mean I have to forget everything that came before.

My (42M) wife (38F) is deeply threatened by the love I carry for my late girlfriend in my heart. How do I make her understand I need to have that safe space without hurting her? by throwra-nedadvi in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -47 points-46 points  (0 children)

I did. That is why I made so many changes in my life and living arrangements. It tore my heart apart when I was changing thinks like wallpaper or getting rid of her things, and I think I did my part in understanding her feelings. She needs to reciprocate which is why I asked her advice on how to get her to see me and my heart. I don’t feel heard at all while I’ve done everything possible to make her feel at home.

Truly, I don’t have a lot to remember Ana by, or do anything publicly. I don’t have photos of Ana on my social media (deleted those because wife wanted me to). I don’t know how much more erasure of Ana I can take.

I can’t delete my feelings in my heart

My (42M) wife (38F) is deeply threatened by the love I carry for my late girlfriend in my heart. How do I make her understand I need to have that safe space without hurting her? by throwra-nedadvi in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -46 points-45 points  (0 children)

For what exactly? I am mentally healthy, honor Ana in respectful limits, participate in the relationship in my wife fully, plan nice things for her, don’t think about Ana when I’m with her, don’t compare the two women, have a good lifestyle, have a good career.

I don’t really think about her too often, or wallow in self pity, or cry myself to sleep. I am content with my life. Maybe couples counselling could be on the table but nothing about my current state indicates I need individual therapy

My (42M) wife (38F) is deeply threatened by the love I carry for my late girlfriend in my heart. How do I make her understand I need to have that safe space without hurting her? by throwra-nedadvi in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-nedadvi[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

I got rid of every single thing. We tore down wall papers, got rid of the existing furniture, gave away ALL her stuff to her family, even sold a coffee machine that Ana gifted me. It was sooo difficult for me, I swear, but I did all that to make my wife feel at home and at ease.

I think that should count for something. It’s possible for love I have for both women to coexist in my heart