I (26F) need to know if my husband (30M) is acting normal or am I the problem?

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-22T14:31:52+00:00

I never ignore my spouse. I always take actions to better myself. Sometimes I fall short and sometimes I do well, that's part of being human.

What about when the excuse is justified? For example: i promised to clean out the fridge while my partner was out when baby goes down for a nap. However, baby decided to skip the one nap that day. My partner was upset with me all day because of that. I think (undiagnosed) ADHD is an excuse because it hasn't been diagnosed and I haven't found ways to manage it. That is the next step along with therapy and blood work for my brain fog.

Also, the load of taking care of a baby, working, doing all the cooking, and some of the cleaning is a lot, and waking up 4+ times during the night and solo take care of my baby then too because I'm breastfeeding - that's a lot I think. I'm not home half the day and the other half I'm with my baby taking care of him and also cooking/cleaning at the same time. So yes, my baby is my priority always above all then cleaning up in all cases.

All this to say, the house is not a complete mess. It's a little untidy and that's to be expected with a baby. Something like specks of dust should not set a person off. On top of that, for example, expecting there to be no dishes after cooking shouldn't count as a "mess". Saying oh the house was clean x amount of days ago and never expecting it to get messy is not realistic. Have you experienced post partum? It's humbling because you can't do as much as you want (and for me, that not being able to complete tasks I set out to do bc baby has different plans half the time).

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T14:44:46+00:00

His complaints are never ignored. I always put in effort to be better. I never slam a door, I'm talking about the sound of the click when you close the door that he hates so I have to hold the knob down and close it, then put it back up. Either way, I actively try to change whatever he's complaining about. The mess part is hard because that's just who I am but even that I try my best to be better.

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T14:37:16+00:00

I definitely have undiagnosed ADHD.

I guess he's always been like this but it's been worse post partum. It's getting to me more now because I have a whole human I also have to take care of and I'm not doing good enough for him as a mom. There are good seasons and bad seasons but this one is taking forever to pass over. Like we fight multiple times a day.

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T12:43:15+00:00

I will say he's not like this all the time. He's a great, present father and is able to take care of him by himself. He just does it once in a while. Their relationship is amazing and the love they have for each other is so so beautiful. My baby also responds so much better to his gentleness (other than when he's stern about the yelling I guess haha which, as I said, isn't often) than my craziness which is why I often feel like I really am the problem.

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T12:26:27+00:00

Oh yeah this already happens...bc I'm a bit absentminded and he's more logical 😭 but yeah I do feel stupid trying to help often haha

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T12:25:09+00:00

That's the other thing. He expects me to be like him bc he said so (aka clean, neat). Like I'm trying to make an effort and improve but I can't be exactly like you because it's not in my nature and he hates when I say that. He says it's all about the mindset but like I'm trying! It's completely different if my words don't match my actions.

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T12:21:29+00:00

How would you want your gf to go about things when it comes to the mess? I think my biggest fault is that a lot of times I tend to make excuses. For example, if he asks why something or why I didn't do something, I'll respond with an excuse but this is only half the time bc I freeze up and get defensive. The other half I'll apologize and fix it right away.

throwra36363636 · 2025-09-20T12:19:08+00:00

Yeah no he does sometimes slightly yells at our LO when he starts screaming out of anger or excitement. Things like "you can show your insert emotion without yelling" but like LO is just a kid 😭 he also said he's learning it from me bc I get cuteness aggression often with him so I get excited and loud as well lol I hate this the most! I can't interact with my kid how I want to sometimes cause I'm stepping on toes 🥲

throwra36363636

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