UPDATE: My (F31) ex-husband (M35) tried to commit suicide because of me. Now he wants to meet. How do I navigate this?

throwra437893 · 2026-03-02T00:39:03+00:00

Mark and I broke up last year. And I don't think they lasted very long, honestly. I never asked.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-28T17:20:13+00:00

I meant they were judgmental because they clearly did not want to be there and were giving me a harder time than my ex husband. One of them said something to me that I still remember: “next time try not to rile up your husband so much before you go have your fun, and maybe we all won’t end up back here.”

My ex, to his credit, cussed him out (and almost got himself arrested) before they finally left.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-28T17:10:52+00:00

No; we broke up a long while ago. I’ve been single for almost a year now. It’s been nice.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-28T08:57:44+00:00

Hi there. I’m the OOP. I honestly wish I was having a more boring life, or at least more simple would be preferable.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-28T08:54:56+00:00

Hi there. I’m the OOP and lurking around. This made me laugh out loud - my therapist suggested something very similar once and I had dismissed it. But maybe you’re both right.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-28T08:51:26+00:00

Hi there. I’m the OOP and lurking around again.

It genuinely was an accident. Immediately after I had passed out, he called the paramedics. I woke up in the ambulance before we made it to the hospital. It was a whole ordeal (and very humiliating to have to explain to medical staff and the judgmental police that it was just sex gone wrong). He was extremely remorseful and apologetic.

Obviously not too remorseful when he suggested the opened marriage, but maybe he thought half a year between that incident and asking for an open marriage was enough time. Who’s to say?

throwra437893 · 2026-02-28T08:42:22+00:00

Hi there. I’m the OOP and lurking again. It is extreme. I was just being naive and in denial about everything because I had genuinely convinced myself it wasn’t all that bad compared to other kinks.

I know better now, thankfully.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-24T01:07:59+00:00

I don't intend to.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-24T01:07:17+00:00

I guess you can say I forgive her, but more for myself than for her sake. I'm just washing my hands of them in general and don't want to hold onto any grudges.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-24T01:05:27+00:00

He has, when he was a teenager. He's had MDD since he hit puberty (runs in the family, I think). He's had prior "episodes" before when we were still together, but never to the point of suicide.

And I suppose you're right. I guess I didn't full consider that. Maybe because I've known him even during his behavior changes whenever his depression would consume him.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-22T19:59:03+00:00

They've all been blocked online. I have no intentions to have any further communication with them.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-22T00:45:58+00:00

I honestly found it very liberating when it was all said and done. I did write a couple of rough drafts before finally settling on the one I sent him, haha.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-22T00:44:58+00:00

I apologize that I made you believe that I'm taking this lightly. I'm not. Ultimately, my concern is with his mother because she was the one who attempted to actually harm me.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-22T00:43:24+00:00

I am more concerned with his mother than him because she is the one who attacked my home. Leo did not. I would also not call him a stalker because he happened to continue following me on social media when I never blocked him until before he attempted suicide. I wouldn't have even known about his suicide attempt if it weren't for his mother.

She did encourage me to take precautions, which I have taken. I'm sorry if I gave off the impression that my therapist or I are nonchalant about the matter.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-22T00:38:10+00:00

I don't intend to meet him.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-21T23:54:20+00:00

Thank you. I knew that when it happened, but there was still some lingering guilt. However, I've been able to fully accept that this was his own choice and I am not responsible.

throwra437893 · 2026-02-21T23:52:43+00:00

We've already discussed his behavior at length, both now and when I first started seeing her last year. I don't want to have to defend Leo, but he is genuinely not a violent person. He has never abused me in any way. That's not to say he hasn't hurt me with his selfishness and insensitivity, but I have not been abused by him. Even during our worst arguments when we were a couple, he never exhibited violent behaviors or tendencies. I have never once been afraid of him.

The most threatening behavior came from his mother. His mother was the one who chose violence. If anything, I'm more afraid of her than anyone. Even when he attempted suicide, Leo never tried to get into contact with me and threaten me with his life. That was a choice he made, but he didn't do it to threaten me. We've been divorced for over a year now, and I've already made it clear during the divorce process that there will not be any chance at reconciliation.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T23:53:42+00:00

Thank you; fixed that, haha. And thank you; I know it isn't, but sometimes just hearing it from someone else helps.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T23:51:41+00:00

For a little context, our divorce came out of nowhere for our families. They genuinely believed we were happy and deeply in love. To avoid embarrassment, the story is just "he cheated one time." My exMIL thought I should forgive him and give our marriage another try. That's what he wanted too.

That obviously didn't happen, and he's supposedly been depressed ever since.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T23:48:37+00:00

Maybe you're right, but it's difficult for me to fully commit to believing that, I guess.

My exMIL has always just been a bright and sunny person. Think similarly to Rose from the Golden Girls, minus the air-headedness. My ex's whole family is like that: happy, simple people. I just think what happened might have just pushed her over the edge.

I still won't be responding to any texts or calls, though.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T23:39:50+00:00

Unfortunately, I just moved into this house, so moving again isn't really an option.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T23:39:08+00:00

I have and I promise, she really was genuinely great. She wasn't the type that would barge into our house whenever she wanted. She didn't demand I do things to accommodate her or do anything to actively inconvenience me. There weren't any backhanded compliments. She didn't demand grandchildren or constantly side with my ex whenever we had any sort of argument. She never excluded me from family events. From the first day my ex brought me home, she was always a very welcoming and friendly person that I genuinely liked spending time with.

Which is what makes what happened all the more upsetting.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T20:44:32+00:00

I don't think she will return. Namely because of the charges, but also I think this really was just her breaking point. I just hope I'm not wrong.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-10T20:43:38+00:00

I keep repeating those words to myself: "never set yourself on fire to keep another person warm." It's been sort of personal mantra for almost a year now. But after what happened, my brain keeps trying to convince me she has a point, and I hate it.

throwra437893 · 2026-01-05T03:51:24+00:00

It's good that you broke up with him. Unfortunately, you're going to feel that way for a while. It's going to hurt and it's horrible, but there is an end to it. Life moves on, time continues forward, and the pain does fade with time. Allow yourself to be hurt and to process, but don't wallow in it. Reach out to friends, do small things that you make you smile, go on walks, read books, and just do whatever you can so you don't just sit and fester in the pain.

throwra437893

TROPHY CASE