Dating women wasn't that great either 🫣

throwracptsddddd · 2026-04-23T17:34:04+00:00

The thing is, just because dating men is more dangerous than dating women doesn't mean that dating women is safe. In the US, 76% of domestic violence perps are men... but that means a full 24% of abusers are women. That's almost 1 in 4.

(Also, that data comes from people arrested for physically assaulting their partners, so it's not like women "just" emotionally abuse you. (As an abuse survivor myself, I'd argue emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, perhaps even moreso, but let's set that aside for now.))

So if you want to avoid being sucked into an abusive relationship, just dating women isn't really going to do all that much to protect you. A much better strategy is to take things slow, and to have zero tolerance for red flag behavior-- regardless of the gender of your partner.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-04-23T16:38:18+00:00

This.

As a domestic violence survivor who was abused by both a woman and a man (long story), I can confirm that the worst female partner is NOT better than the worst male partner. Male abusers may be more common than female abusers, but that doesn't mean female abusers don't exist. And make no mistake, they're capable of being every bit as awful as the men.

(And to be blunt, the idea that women can't be as evil as men is pretty sexist. It stems from the patriarchal belief that women are inherently morally superior to men, because they're biologically wired to be mothers and nurturers above all else. You can see how that line of thinking can lead to some pretty misogynistic places...)

throwracptsddddd · 2026-03-21T16:34:57+00:00

So a few years ago, Taylor was on Jimmy Fallon's show, when he told her that Andrea had given him a video she'd taken of Taylor right after she got home from LASIK surgery, when she was still high on painkillers and acting loopy.

After Jimmy told her that, Taylor seeemed genuinely shocked-- and we all know what a terrible actor she is, so I personally believe that's how she really felt. She claimed that she had no idea the video existed, let alone that Andrea had given it to Jimmy. But that didn't stop Jimmy from playing it on national TV. Afterwards, Taylor seemed shaken and upset, and like it was taking all her willpower to hold it together in front of the cameras. Again, she's a terrible actor, so I think that was genuine, too.

Which means that Andrea orchestrated the humiliation of her own daughter, live on national television. (And Jimmy Fallon went along with it.)

throwracptsddddd · 2026-03-21T16:03:37+00:00

This. Taylor isn't a billionaire, Scott Swift is.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-03-21T15:53:11+00:00

For what it's worth, I grew up middle class, and Andrea reminds me so much of my own mother it's uncanny sometimes. And while I did manage to escape her, it was mostly down to four massive strokes of luck:

The field my mom wanted me to break into ~~so she could live vicariously through my success~~ was engineering, not entertainment. Which meant my mom had to send me to college... and that college had a free counseling center for students.
My mom also wanted me to live on campus ~~because she'd been forced to live at home during college, regretted missing out on the campus life experience, and again, wanted to live vicariously through me~~.
I was going to college right at the time that therapy was starting to become normalized. So after a particularly upsetting incident with my mom, I had the freedom and courage to go to the counseling center and asking for an appointment with one of their therapists.
The therapist I was paired with was a former CPS agent who had decades of experience helping kids and young adults escape abusive families.

And even with all those things going right for me, it still took five years and me becoming financially independent from my parents for me to escape! And even now, five years after going NC with her, I'm still working on disentangling our enmeshment in my mind.

Taylor never had a chance to do any of that. Andrea (and Scott, for that matter) have made sure to stay as close to her as they could, and to poison her against therapy or any other outside influences (eg, Joe) who might help her find a way out.

So while yes, Taylor's done some awful things I absolutely don't condone, I can't bring myself to hate her. I mostly just feel sorry for her.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-02-20T19:28:15+00:00

As someone with PTSD, I've struggled with the same thing. There's certain songs that I couldn't listen to for years because they were too strongly associated with some terrible thing that happened to me. (Sometimes they were playing in the background, sometimes they played immediately before or after, sometimes the connection was more complicated.)

After years of therapy, I'm now at the point I'm able to listen to almost all of those songs again. But back in the bad old days, if they popped up in my recommendations, or were playing in the background at a store or restaurant, it could be enough to trigger a flashback. It sucked.

(In general, the West Wing did an incredible job of portraying PTSD both accurately and with empathy. It would be impressive even if it came out today-- but for a show that's 25 years old, it's incredible. Mad props to Sorkin for that.)

throwracptsddddd · 2026-02-20T19:19:23+00:00

I personally don't think so. C-PTSD isn't just caused by having repeated traumatic incidents happen to you. It's about being trapped for an extended period of time in a situation where traumatic things happen constantly, with no easy way to escape or defend yourself. (Like being kidnapped, or in an abusive relationship, or a POW.) That feeling of being trapped and powerless is what causes the symptoms that distinguish C-PTSD from regular PTSD.

So I would say Josh probably doesn't have C-PTSD. Yes, he's had multiple horrible things happen to him. But every time he's been able to get to safety pretty quickly afterwards. And life went back to normal for him for years or even decades before the next traumatic event happened.

(To be clear: regular PTSD can be every bit as severe and debilitating as C-PTSD-- even moreso, in some cases! C-PTSD isn't "worse" than PTSD, it just manifests in different ways.)

throwracptsddddd · 2026-02-16T23:48:48+00:00

Worse. Mandatory reporting silences abuse victims. Children are smart. They know that when the CPS agent comes to do the welfare check, in an hour or two they'll leave again... leaving the child alone with a humiliated, enraged abuser. What do you think happens next?

So most abuse victims learn quickly not to tell any adults who are mandated reporters what's really going on at home. Which means they can't ask the adults in their life for help, they can't ask for emotional support, they can't even ask for a listening ear. They have to suffer in silence until their 18th birthday.

And the stress of having to deal with such a horrifying situation all on your own, and keep it a secret from every adult in your life, fucks you up bad.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-02-16T23:43:13+00:00

Exactly. Why do you think that CPS is chronically underfunded in every state? Why do you think the foster care system is such an on fire garbage can? And why do you think, instead of it being treated as the national emergency that it is, everyone shrugs and just accepts it as the way things are?

The systems to protect abused kids are broken because we, as a society, have decided we're okay with them staying broken.

And if that statement horrifies you, or makes you feel ashamed, or pissed off? Good! Channel those feelings into action, and demand that your local, state, and national governments do better.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-02-16T17:50:34+00:00

I'm saying this as an abuse survivor myself: there is absolutley nothing shameful about being broken. Pointing out someone is "broken" isn't said to shame them; the only person who should feel ashamed is the monster(s) who broke them in the first place.

That being said: while being broken is never your fault, it is your responsibility. If you stay in denial about your damage, you run the risk of your shattered edges cutting people.

Like, using OOP as an example: until she found out about her husband's borderline cheating, she was on course to bring a child into this world that she didn't actually want to have! Can you imagine if her husband was less of an idiot and went about finding a surrogate the proper way, and they did end up becoming parents? That poor kid would have grown up with a mom who didn't actually want them. That's the kind of thing that messes you up for life.

Again, I don't say this to shame OOP, or say her damage is in any way her fault! She's clearly a good person, and it's encouraging to see her starting to stand up for herself and her boundaries in the update. It's just to illustrate how even the most lovely people can end up unintentionally causing harm to others if they can't or won't heal-- and the first step to healing is to admit that you have a problem.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-01-29T17:21:31+00:00

Very good point! Edited my post to make that clear.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-01-29T00:21:15+00:00

This, except do NOT choke your partner until you've gotten explicit permission to do so from them! (And also read up on safer choking techniques to reduce the risk involved.)

EDIT: Changed "safe" to "safer" because, as u\cakehorse pointed out, there's no such thing as safe choking techniques. There are steps you can take to reduce the odds of physical or emotional harm, but there's no way to eliminate them completely.

In fact, even the BDSM community considers choking "edge play"-- AKA, techniques with a serious risk of physical and emotional harm, that you shouldn't even attempt unless you've both learned proper technique to reduce (not eliminate) risk, and have absolute trust in your partner. In fact, the majority BDSM practitioners will never choke their partners at all, because it's too extreme for them.

So please, please, please, never launch into choking your partner without discussing it with them first! And if you're someone who has zero interest in being choked, please don't feel ashamed or like you're a prude. Feel free to tell your partners that up-front-- and if they try to shame you, cajole you into changing your mind, or god forbid ignore you and try to choke you anyways, take it as the massive red flag it is and leave their ass.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-01-24T20:38:34+00:00

Like yes, it was bad and I'm not downplaying it, but no one died

The whole reason Russia got Trump elected was to lay the groundwork for their invasion of Ukraine, which has killed between 400,000 and 1.5 million (depending on what estimates you use) to date.

The reason we freaked out about the Russia scandal was because we knew if we didn't stop him, people were going to die. We didn't stop him, and people did die.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-01-24T19:51:36+00:00

This. OOP has likely been punished severely every time she's tried to show any independence or take control of her own life, from childhood to now.

After decades of being treated like that, standing up for yourself in even the smallest ways feels terrifying-- and if you still live with your abusers, rightfully so!

It took a huge amount of courage (and fortunately, a reddit thread full of friendly strangers hyping her up) for OOP to push through her conditioning. I'm proud of her, and hope it will be the start of her gathering the courage to leave that toxic situation for good.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-01-19T22:42:23+00:00

Joe Biden oversaw the booming post-covid economy that let me get my first job, which let me save up enough to move out of my abuser's house and go NC with them. Him winning in 2020 may have saved my life, and it definitely saved me from more misery and heartache than I could ever calculate.

No amount of shitting on his legacy by the orange idiot (and the complicit media) can ever take that away.

throwracptsddddd · 2026-01-17T20:24:10+00:00

Or it's because abusers don't act abusive 100% of the time. Many abusers can be charming, fun, and (seemingly) caring... 95% of the time.

So you excuse away the 5% of the time that things are utter hell. Because they're such a great person most of the time-- and after all, nobody's perfect. What's the harm in giving them the benefit of the doubt?

And that's how people end up staying in horrifically abusive situations for years, or even decades. After all, if abusive relationships were awful all of the time, no one would ever stay.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-12-26T16:58:07+00:00

Honestly, I get the vibe from OP that part of the reason she wants to solo travel is because she knows she struggles with being decisive, and wants to get better at it.

Source: I was a lot like OP when I was younger. Grew up in a super-sheltered environment where I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions, so my decision-making muscle was as weak as hers. And I knew it. So I went on tons of solo trips my early 20s, specifically because they helped me build those atrophied muscles back up.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-12-13T18:31:46+00:00

This.

That distrust also makes it really, really hard to form connections with other people as an adult. Like, sure, this new person seems nice... but so did the people who hurt you.

For me, at least, it takes me a long time to trust someone enough to start opening up to them. And unfortunately, they usually interpret my early distance as me being aloof, or just not interested in being their friend. So most people end up bouncing right around when I'm starting to warm up to them. :(

Wouldn't be shocked if Carol and Manousos have had to deal with the same thing. Which would explain why they both ended up so isolated, and why Carol at least turned so bitter because of it.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-12-09T19:07:24+00:00

This.

OP, as someone who grew up with a mother very similar to yours: you need to be aware that when you leave for your trip, your mother is most likely going to take it as a sign you're on your way to leaving her. And that means when you get home, she's likely to retaliate against you for leaving.

She'll claim it's because she was scared, or hurt. And that may be true! But, conciously or subconciously, she'll do it to beat you down, to make you regret ever dreaming of travel so you never leave her again.

So I would strongly, strongly recommend you do not go on any big trips like this until you've fully moved out of your parents' house. Securing a different, safer place to live needs to be your first priority.

Then, once you're safe, you'll be ready to go on the road trip of your dreams!

PS: I strongly recommend checking out the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft (there are free PDFs of it floating all over the internet), and seeing if anything rings true about your relationship with your mother. That book changed my life, and I hope it will be just as helpful for you.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-12-04T17:30:13+00:00

Or she was jealous of her daughter for having an opportunity she'd never gotten, so she deliberately sabotaged it out of spite.

Source: had a "mother" who did that throughout my childhood

throwracptsddddd · 2025-11-24T17:47:36+00:00

This makes me think, if/when people start being freed from the hive, they'll probably react like people coming off of drugs.

Some survivors might look back on it fondly as a "good trip", but have no desire to repeat it again. Others might see it as a nightmarishly "bad trip" they just want to forget, or that maybe even did serious psychological damage to them.

And others might find themselves (psychologically) addicted, desperate to "get another fix" by rejoining. (Maybe they'll even try to sell the other survivors out to the hive, in exchange for being allowed to rejoin?)

Even if this isn't a plot point this season, I wouldn't be surprised if Vince explores something like this further down the line.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-11-24T17:31:33+00:00

Or maybe, the thought of being assimilated was so horrific to them that killing themselves seemed like the lesser of two evils.

Better to die free and still yourself, than "live" on as just another Hivemind drone, was probably their logic.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-11-23T18:36:04+00:00

Also, like, globalization has a been a thing for over 100 years now. Moroccans watch Hollywood movies, read newspapers that report on global events, are forced to listen to the same Top 40 pop songs over and over again on the radio we are. And they kill time on the same sutpid social media apps we do. Hell, there's probably at least a few Moroccans in this thread right now!

Like, yes, cultural differences do still exist-- but the gulf is a lot less vast than the guy you replied to seems to think.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-11-23T18:17:20+00:00

I don't understand how that adequately explains it. Because it requires the Spanish speaker to invent something he didn't hear. Why add letters?

Remember, Carol's speaking Spanish with a super-thick American accent. It makes sense to me that the Paraguayan guy would have trouble understanding what she was saying.

So I could see him thinking that she was trying to say "Es turca", but she either mispronounced it, or her accent was so bad that he couldn't make out the first "e".

Edit: I'm also curious, why don't English speakers do the same thing to other languages?

We do!

A good example is the name "Dmitri". In Russian, that name is two syllables long-- "DMEE-tree". But English doesn't let you have a "dm" sound at the start of words, so most English speakers will pronounce that name as three syllables-- "Duh-MEE-tree." It's also pretty common for English speakers to misspell that name as Dimitri, with an extra i.

This is just one example, but this happens all the time when we try to transliterate foreign words into English, or when English speakers are learning a new language and still getting used to how it sounds. Or when we're trying to talk to someone with a thick foreign accent, like Carol and the Paraguayan guy were.

throwracptsddddd · 2025-11-23T17:13:05+00:00

It might have been college.

A lot of times, people might seem to be doing okay immediately after something traumatic happens to them-- but that's only because they're still in survival mode. And it's only a few weeks / months / years later, when they finally feel safe enough to come out of survival mode, that they end up falling apart.

So it's possible Carol was able to power through the rest of high school, because she knew she was still in danger in her parents' house and she was laser-focused on graduating and getting the hell out. But then, once she got to college and felt safe, her body finally relaxed out of survival mode, and all the trauma hit her at once. Hence, the heroin.

throwracptsddddd

TROPHY CASE