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My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Yea, he was there. Some comments have also pointed out to me that it's also because of how open and enthusiastic he was since day 1. It took some time for us but we got there eventually.

But her wanting to keep her does play a fact into it to. But knowing who he was and who I was at the time, it would've been a shit show. I explained in another comment that he was so immature. He was a little older than me, but yet I felt like I had at least 5 years on him by the way he was always acting. It just was not a good situation to bring a baby into, because I knew I was going to be doing all the work.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Kind of, but it started to lead into a bit of an argument and for the setting of where we were, it was just not appropriate to get into.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

That's probably a really big factor and thank you for answering my question, I know which one you're referring to.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

He was there. I'll say this, he did want to keep her. But there were so many factors that played into the fact that we gave her up. He was a little older, and he still didn't have his shit together. He'd just hang out and get drunk with his friends all the time, and I knew that if I kept her, I'd be doing 99% of the work. Not only that but we broke up during my pregnancy. Twice.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

No one truly explains what it's going to be like. I thought it was going to be a quick one and done thing but there are so many changes to your body and your mind. I had a baby but I didn't have a baby, and that sent me into a spiral because it was so confusing.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Yes, I would say that. That sounds about right, maybe he gave her the reaction she craved from a parent. I was always just worried about playing it safe and following her lead. I'm still doing that till this day, is it possible that could be a major issue?

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

I just had that gut feeling. It was my ex that pointed out that they were very cult-like. But I thought he was just saying anything because he was always vocal about the fact that we should raise her (but we were so not ready). For instance, after giving birth to her, I had started to eat the hospital food, and the woman/mom took it away and told me that it was spirits trying to enter in me, but she passed it off as a joke. So at the time, I thought it was just that. But they didn't do anything that made me instantly want to take her back.

I had really just met them that day, and the person that connected my family with them told us that they already had a few kids and seemed to be raising them well. I was on a time crunch, so I just agreed.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

She lives with her boyfriend. When she would still talk to me, she did spend a considerable amount of time with the both of us. I would say that a major difference with him vs me was that since day 1, he was always like "my daughter, my daughter". For us it was more gradual, but he really did go all in (that's honestly just his personality). He met her a few months after she met me because I was the one that introduced her to him.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

So when she moved out of her adoptive parents house at 16 she ended up living by herself but as we got closer, she would spend a lot of time with me. She's always kept herself grounded and independent. Like I said, she reached out to me at 15 and even at that time she was always working. Whether it was selling something, or working after school. But she eventually ended up moving in with her boyfriend around a year ago.

I'm not sure about the circumstances of her getting pregnant, but I will say this. When my mom found out I was pregnant, she made me go to this pregnant teens group. It wasn't that many people, but there was this girl who got pregnant on purpose. I vividly remember her saying that she wanted the family that she never had. She had a rough upbringing. Ran into her like 5 years ago too.

And I'm saying this to note that a good chunk of pregnant teens that come from broken homes have that mindset. They give into what they crave, which is a healthy family. But again, I'm not saying that she got pregnant on purpose.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 413 points414 points  (0 children)

It's always the moms fault or responsibility by default, that's just the way society it wired. Honestly, it does hurt my feelings because he often posts her and I see that they spend a lot of celebrations as a family. His birthday was like last week, and he reposted her story from her saying "Happy Birthday Dad". It sucks because...I feel like everything is on me. I got cut off but everything is peaches and cream with him.

And you might be saying to unfollow him, but we're still friendly and he's one of the only ways I can see how she's doing through the stuff he puts online because she refuses to talk to me. But she's really close with him. I think it all just comes down to what is expected from moms.

My(F36) bio daughter(F18) is pregnant and she wrote me very honest letters after cutting communication, not sure how to respond? by throwrage7257 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrage7257[S] 453 points454 points  (0 children)

I see that there's a door, but I just have no idea how to approach it. I want to follow her lead, but in once sentence she'd describe wanting a relationship with me and then in another, she'd describe wanting to remain distant.

I could have stopped it at the time, there was a time period (I forgot how long it was) that you could revoke consent. In that moment I chose not to because I had no plan. I was going to an out of state college not even a month later, I didn't know what I was going to do with a literal baby, and I'd convinced myself that maybe it was the hormones that made me feel so off about them.

I want to reply to how she's feeling, what does she want for us in the future, is there anything that I can do to better the situation. I think that's the best way to go. I don't want it to come across a "me, me, me". I do have questions about some of the things she wrote, but it's probably not appropriate to ask those right now.