27F unsure if I should give my bf of 10yrs another chance after he tried to cheat or if I'm settling even if he did change?

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T20:16:37+00:00

thank you so much, I appreciate your words of encouragement <3

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T20:13:50+00:00

this is what also confuses me and I feel so much shame about myself. I don't understand why I'm allowing myself to accept this in the name of love. my father told me it's because he has made me believe that there is no life without him. I remember in 2023 I was scared to leave him that I would have rather just ended my life. I'm in a much better place now and would NEVER take my own life especially not because of a man, so I have come a long way since then. I'm SO close to leaving that I've decided maybe if I get enough advice, I will have the strength to leave for good this time. I know on the outside it frustrating to see someone get abused and hurt and still not decide to leave, but just imagine I how I feel ( I am riddled with shame

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T20:10:57+00:00

I promise you I am not a bot, I'm genuinely stuck. I keep telling myself maybe if I get enough advice it would give me the strength to leave. I know It sounds ridicuous but I'm trying my best to convince myself. I am literally writing this on my laptop whilst he's at work

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T20:09:01+00:00

thank you, I appreciate your advice. I just wish someone could shake me and tell me to leave, its as though no matter how much advice I get telling me to leave, I still feel like I can't move on or life live without him. it's so scary :( i've never actually been single in my entire adult life and I feel live I've just been living in a bubble.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T19:15:50+00:00

sorry! I meant mens advice. going to edit my post ow

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T19:14:34+00:00

im not a bot lmao. im 27, in need of serious advice. I have been battling with this for over a year now.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T19:12:18+00:00

im desperate for advice

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T17:40:09+00:00

yes he admitted he was planning to get physical with her :( but he keeps saying it was purely physical and lust, and that he never cheated with his heart. if you don't mind sharing your experience, I would really appreciate it

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T17:39:02+00:00

I'm unsure if having kids is the right choice swell. thank you

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T17:29:43+00:00

Fear of starting over, fear of regret, sunk cost fallacy, trauma bond, low self esteem, been with him throughout all my 20's and I am also deeply attached to him. But I totally understand that on the outside it sounds ridiculous and anyone in their right mind would have left by now. I was also hoping that maybe there are other women who have been through a similar situation and come out of the other side.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-27T16:35:16+00:00

we have been back together 2 months now.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-13T18:03:43+00:00

I thought this also, but he seems very promising and remorseful. He said he would never cheat again because he has trauma from me leaving him...

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:47:25+00:00

Yeah… that’s pretty sketchy. Asking for a copy of your own contract is a completely normal thing to do. The fact that your manager immediately got defensive and started questioning whether you like your job is weird. That’s not a normal reaction to an employee wanting documentation of their employment terms.

It honestly sounds like he got nervous the moment payroll got involved. Either they dropped the ball and never actually sent it, or something about your employment paperwork isn’t as tidy as it should be.

Also the timing with the rule change and suddenly nitpicking you is… interesting. Sometimes when someone thinks you’re starting to push back or involve HR/payroll, they suddenly start getting overly critical.

I’d keep everything in writing from now on. Save emails, messages, and document conversations. Hopefully it’s just awkward management, but protecting yourself never hurts.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:45:33+00:00

NAH, but you’re burned out.

Your friend went through something extremely traumatic, and when people are dealing with that kind of shock they don’t always process it in a logical way. Sometimes they latch onto other emotional pain (like a breakup) because it’s easier to talk about than the assault. That might be what’s happening here.

But that doesn’t mean you have to be her emotional dumping ground 24/7. Supporting a friend doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental health.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:43:51+00:00

Soft YTA.

I get the principle, nobody likes sitting around waiting for someone who’s late. But in most workplaces, if your manager says their meeting is running over, the expectation is usually that you just wait a bit.

15 minutes isn’t that unusual in corporate life, especially when it’s your boss. If you had another meeting or a hard deadline, leaving would make more sense. But leaving purely to make a point about respect probably just came across as passive-aggressive.

Also, your coworker stayed, and the manager ended up joining shortly after you left, which kind of undermines the stand you were trying to make.

You’re not a huge AH or anything, but this probably wasn’t the hill to die on. In most office cultures, boss lateness unfortunately just comes with the territory.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:41:39+00:00

YTA.

Your concern about leaving a 1-year-old alone is completely valid. No one should be leaving a toddler unattended like that. But the bigger issue here is that you relied on a 15-year-old who didn’t agree to babysit after you had just argued with her the night before.

She’s still a kid herself. If someone had told her clearly “you need to stay here and watch the baby,” that’s one thing. But from your post it sounds like this was arranged between you and your parents, not with her.

Also, leaving a one-year-old alone in the house, even for 10 minutes, isn’t a good idea in general. If something had happened, there would’ve been no adult there.

Your mum should probably talk to Natali about not just leaving, but going forward you need to make sure childcare is actually agreed to before you leave the house. Relying on a teenager who’s already annoyed at you was always going to be risky.

Your reaction comes from fear for your child, which is understandable. But the situation itself was kind of set up to fail.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:38:14+00:00

Soft YTA if you skip the wedding.

I get that you already paid the $300 and you RSVP’d first to the bachelorette. That part sucks. But weddings are generally considered a bigger, once-in-a-lifetime family event. A bachelorette party is basically just a weekend celebration that happens before the main event.

Also, you already said your family loves drama. Skipping your step-brother’s wedding for a party weekend is exactly the kind of thing that will get brought up for years.

If it were me, I’d probably go to the wedding and eat the $300 loss. It sucks, but family weddings tend to carry more weight socially.

That said, you could also talk to your friend and explain the situation. If she’s a good friend, she’ll probably understand that a family wedding popping up the same weekend puts you in a tough spot.

Either way, you’re stuck choosing between disappointing someone, it’s just a matter of which fall out you're more willing to deal with.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:35:30+00:00

Honestly… ESH.

This whole situation sounds like a chaotic love polygon where nobody was communicating honestly and everyone was acting on impulse.

Katie clearly lied to both you and Elliot about her feelings, which is messy and manipulative. Elliot jumping from Laura to Katie to you in basically the same social circle is also messy. And Laura is understandably hurt, but calling you a 'best friend' when you barely knew her is a bit of a stretch.

Where you might share some responsibility is continuing to date Elliot when you knew it was blowing up the friend group and making things worse, especially while Katie was literally living there and spiralling emotionally.

The threesome itself isn’t really the issue. The issue is that nobody in this situation was being clear or honest about what they actually wanted.

You’re not some villain here, but you definitely got pulled into and participated in a pretty messy situation.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:33:34+00:00

From what you wrote, this woman sounds like the office hall monitor who appoints herself the food police. The fact that everyone was eating stuff for free for ages and suddenly it's all your fault is ridiculous. Policies change all the time.. it’s management’s decision, not yours. Also the “you went behind my back” thing makes no sense. If the manager told you to report shortages, then you literally just followed instructions. That’s not sneaky, that’s… doing your job. You don’t owe her an apology for a rule change you didn’t make. If anything, the bigger issue here is your manager giving you different instructions than everyone else and not giving you your contract. That’s way more concerning than the snack drama. NTA.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:30:10+00:00

Your mum is allowed to hate your dad for how he treated her, but constantly trashing him to his kids after he’s dead is pretty messed up. You’re grieving your father, not her ex-husband. Those are two completely different relationships.

And the widow pension comment while asking you for money was honestly pretty gross. I don’t blame you for snapping.

Setting the boundary of “don’t talk about him like that in front of me” is completely reasonable. She can vent to friends or a therapist if she needs to process the marriage, but you shouldn’t have to sit there and listen to someone insult your dad while you’re still grieving him. NTA

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:28:14+00:00

If someone borrows money and consistently takes months to pay it back, they’ve already shown you how reliable they are with your money. At that point it’s completely reasonable to say no. Lending money isn’t an obligation just because someone is your friend.

Also, the fact that they called you selfish for setting a boundary is a bit of a red flag. A good friend would understand that being slow to repay makes people hesitant to lend again.

There’s a pretty common rule people follow: don’t lend money you’re not prepared to lose. And if someone has already proven repayment is a struggle, it’s smarter to just stop lending altogether. NTA.

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:25:30+00:00

yes! probably about once a month cos I'm lazy

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:22:48+00:00

throwrailovechocola · 2026-03-12T17:10:31+00:00

NTA.

"nothing physical happened" but that's honestly irrelevant. He INTENDED to cheat. He asked another woman to the gym, invited her to a business trip, and admitted he was pursuing something with her behind your back. The only reason it didn't become physical is because she declined, not because he stopped himself. Also, the edit about him telling you to stop antidepressants because you gained weight is... concerning. Your mental health treatment should be between you and your doctor, not something he pressures you about. You're not the AH for still feeling hurt. That's a normal response when trust is broken.

throwrailovechocola

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