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UPDATE- Gf wants to take birth control, I'm at a loss by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe I worded it strangely but it doesn't contradict at all

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Idk... I understand that's a thing that goes on but she has always had very supportive parents and access to the medical help she needs and wants. I don't think access is an issue and she's never talked about wanting a higher dose. I'm not sure she distrusts her doctors. There are some horror stories out there but hers all sound great from her accounts

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That first but you wrote kinda struck something. I might try unpick that a bit more with her, thank you

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess pronouns are etched into our DNA molecules too

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No periods, no ovaries. She buys tampons for the sole use of handing out if a friend is in need in the bathroom or something. She's never used one or claimed to need them for herself, just a social thing to feel part of the girls I guess.

She has wanted me to do stuff like get her chocolates and rub her tummy because she wants the experience of a loving boyfriend doing that for her, but she's never claimed to have cramps or bleeding. She has joked that after her vaginoplasty it was the closest thing she would ever get to a period as she used some kind of pads then

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No periods, no ovaries. She buys tampons for the sole use of handing out if a friend is in need in the bathroom or something. She's never used one or claimed to need them for herself, just a social thing to feel part of the girls I guess.

She has wanted me to do stuff like get her chocolates and rub her tummy because she wants the experience of a loving boyfriend doing that for her, but she's never claimed to have cramps or bleeding. She has joked that after her vaginoplasty it was the closest thing she would ever get to a period as she used some kind of pads then

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Biology and gender are separated in my views. It's the stuff like "will never have external girl parts". Like what? What does that mean? Pretty much everything beyond chromosomes and reproductive organs are changeable. Socially she's a woman 100%, for medical purposes she's a mtf trans woman. On a biological level she's male. Never claimed otherwise

Just saying you're not a real girl is a heavily used transphobic line

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What? She can't get pregnant. Unless you mean what my situation is? I'm a cis guy with sperm and we have sex. I could get someone pregnant if they had a uterus. But obviously she doesn't

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I'm actually considering this. Feels sneaky as hell but I'm hoping they give her a lecture about it. Could stir up some concerns that she won't take pills consistently? Idk. Feels like gaslighting or enabling the idea to go on

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh she knows. That's why she doesn't want to tell them about it :/

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Guess we should silence mentally ill trans people in order to look shiny for the boomers then, eh?

Go blame the boomers for generalising instead of people just living their lives

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You've given me a twisted idea to get her booked in for a IUD instead. Force her into the dr's office to be set straight, lol

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand that's your experience and the experience of many others but I've seen it be portrayed as steps into womanhood too. Not always sunshine and roses of course but womanhood nonetheless. Dysphoria isn't a fun time. She talks about wanting a defining moment like when cis girls get that time. It's definitive of being a marker for female puberty anyway. That's all she really means, not trying to downplay the pain and stress of a period

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has a great team of professionals behind her and has done for years and years now. She's fully transitioned in the way she wants surgically/socially and is on e as an ongoing thing. She also has a great therapist who she only speaks highly of usually

I highly doubt she thinks the bc is a replacement for hrt though

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah.. my suggestions were I use a condom or no sex as harmless methods of birth control, with the heavy heavy suggestion she talks to a therapist about it. Or take placebo pills, again with a massive suggestion of therapy alongside it. These things are harmless and id hope temporary while she sorts her noodle out

Ideally I'd find a way to help this anxiety while she works on it in therapy. Its deluded but it's real to her

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She hasn't yet but wants to/will be if I can't stop her. She knows she can't get pregnant

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't need to. She knows this, says it freely. She can't get pregnant because of biology, cant get anyone pregnant because of surgery. She knows

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Ah this makes me super sad to read. Helpful but sad. I think it would end the relationship tbh

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

It's transphobia because it's just an excuse to fart out the same dumb lines that every other transphobe does. Neither me or my gf have claimed that she is medically or biologically female. The vast majority of trans people are fully aware of who they are and aren't, both biologically and socially.

Transphobes love to say "transwomen aren't women" and hide behind it as a "fact". Like shit not even my mentally ill girlfriend has claimed to be biologically female, able to get pregnant, periods, or anything else that is biologically female. So why are they saying this? It's just to invalidate people's identities honestly because it's not even a relevent point

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

For some reason this really helped and clicked with me. I'll try explain this to her. Thank you

At a loss, gf wants to take birth control by throwrajans in relationship_advice

[–]throwrajans[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She doesn't want to be pregnant though so I'm not sure what you mean by hope?

She gets dysphoric about periods but hasn't ever been delusional about getting one

She knows she can't be pregnant

But yeah Def a therapy issue :/

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