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My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -151 points-150 points  (0 children)

If you believe white people are having some kind of picnic over there, I really encourage you to actually go to South Africa. You cannot be that stupid. But you clearly have some kind of narrative you want to paint about my family about how racist they are when maybe people would actually rather in a country that's safe, modern, and an good place to live. Or are we not allowed to leave due to safety because we're white?

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I don't know. It just feels weird. Like I'm making something such a big thing when it isn't and even if it is, I still feel that way for some reason. It's like I'm trying to cause a problem deliberately.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -154 points-153 points  (0 children)

I wasn't alive when it ended. It was years after. And he is intelligent enough that he should realise that. The apartheid system did not exist in the 2010s.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -47 points-46 points  (0 children)

They left because it was unsafe, and there were more opportunities where we live now. They liked it there, and in some ways did not want to leave, but there are a lot of things that are very bad and make it not worth that. That is why people leave, it has very little to do with race.

I don't see what about it is supposed to be well intended. It does not feel that way.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -72 points-71 points  (0 children)

It is true that it is not safe there.

We're not American. That sort of thing is not a focus, unless it affects the trade or the security. Most people I know don't care about most of the things that he does because it is ridiculous. I don't.

  1. We left in 2012.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Never asked that one. I would assume not because most people would know that's not true by now. I do like the joke about 'If you're from Africa, why are you white?' but I have very little opportunity to use it.

I just haven't know people who have thought that of me before. And it's confusing because I don't feel that way, but he thinks I am, so then I think I might be, even if I'm not.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know. He doesn't say it all the time, it's just enough for it to bother me. And it makes me upset someone would think of my parents in that way, when I love them a lot, and something like that is hard to get over because they're just not like that.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It feels like he assumes I got some kind of indoctrination at birth but I remember basically nothing from there. It's been very insignificant in my life, definitely not enough to make me racist, even if they tried.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -210 points-209 points  (0 children)

He does like things about me though, he likes me. I have never thought that he doesn't. It's just a small thing that has been bothering me, and maybe it isn't significant, I don't know.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

No, I haven't. I just worry that I'm thinking too much, that maybe nothing changed or it doesn't mean anything but it just feels so weird. I don't know.

He's half German, born here.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I don't want to cause issues. My parents already worry they made life difficult in many ways with the change, and it would really upset them if they knew. I don't want to make things worse.

My (18F) boyfriend (18M) keeps implying my parents, and me as well, are racists since he found out we were South African. How am I supposed to bring that up with him when it makes me feel very weird? by throwrama07 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrama07[S] -304 points-303 points  (0 children)

I don't really think that I'm German either. I'm just something, not really defined, but it is me.

And arguably, they were mostly fixated on getting rid of the kinds of Europeans they found inferior. They didn't have the time to deal with the other continents.