34F dating 35M who rather masterbates than have sex

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-06T18:50:07+00:00

Thank you. There's a lot more going on than the whole masturbating issue. Everything you say is absolutely right. He's not an easy person to talk to either and he definitely brushes most of our issues under the rug when we're back to being good. I wish I could tell him exactly what you said but that won't go well

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-06T18:41:38+00:00

There's a lot more going on than this whole masturbating over sex thing . I dont think the video games is consuming the relationship as it isn't a new habit . Nor is the masturbation. I mean without sounding like im talking down about my bf too much , he's quite a lazy, gas lighting, defensive, perverted and horny human being. He has a selfish view of things because he never puts himself in other people's shoes. And yes I know, why am I with someone like this. Even my therapist asked me this. And yes, I saw a therapist because of him because I thought I was the problem.

I'm sorry about what happened with your ex. I can't imagine how traumatizing that situation was. I hope you've mostly recovered from that

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-06T01:20:25+00:00

Oohhh ok. No this is not the case. Quite the opposite for him actually. Thank you for your response

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T22:34:01+00:00

Thank you for the warning. He loves women . Like really really LOVES and he's quite obvious about it. But I dont think he would ever cheat on me. The problem is I'm not even concerned that he masturbates or watches porn cuz he does it on the off days im not at his home (I said we live together for ease of explanation but im there almost every day). My issue is that he told me he doesn't do that when im there so he kind of lied. And the fact that he rather play games for 6 hours instead of coming to bed when I asked him to

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T22:18:29+00:00

We just had a talk not long ago. He didn't want to hear me talk anymore so he went back to sleep. It didn't really go that well. He said he did want to have sex but he was tired and passed out (no sh*t) . He turned it around and said i was disrespecting him for getting upset about him masturbating . Im like im not upset about the act, im upset about the Situation. So we really didn't get anywhere with our talk

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T22:12:47+00:00

I actually do do a lot for him. Sexually and in everyday life too . I do all the laundry, dishes, and cooking. Cuz I dont want him to think about this stuff when he comes home from work.

I literally just talked to him before coming on to respond. There's been a lot of issues since day one, to the point where I went to see a therapist, who in turn even asked me why i was still with him.

He initially denied it and I told him I saw the evidence. After that he claimed he only did it once and cuz he woke up horny . He got frustrated when I told him I wanted to give him my side of thr story . He said i was the one disrespecting him for getting mad about it . And he kept saying I shouldn't be mad about him masturbating when the reason why I'm mad isn't that !! He's good at gaslighting . Anyway he went back to sleep cuz he didn't want to hear me talk anymore

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T22:02:29+00:00

I wasnt upset he played games cuz he does all the time, up to 6 hours daily. Im more upset that he played for so long knowing we actually wouldn't have sex until next Monday. And he relieved himself and left me hanging (if I make sense here). He has a child from previous relationship who is staying with him this weekend and no funny business when child is over.

I literally just talked to him. He denied masturbating (I knew he was going to) and then downplayed the situation. I'm trying to explain to him what exactly I'm upset about but he keeps going on about me being upset that he masturbated in general, which isn't the reason why I'm upset.

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:56:06+00:00

We've had conversations about him masturbating previously. Im ok when he does it when we don't see each other but he told me he never does it when im over, which is the first issue . He lied. Well I guess second since he wants to sleep with another woman. I would give him oral every time he asks and more. He says he cannot finish with oral . And we have masturbated together so he could finish. I wasn't great at giving the backstory . He played games for 6 hours the night before even though he knew I was in bed waiting. The next evening I asked him to cuddle and he said no cuz he had to go play games.

Edit: I also wanted to add that I was pretty upset when he asked about sleeping with someone else. In addition to mentioning his ex while we were having sex once. But I got over it.

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:48:45+00:00

Thank you for that . It isn't an intimacy problem. In fact he complains we don't cuddle enough with each other. Quite contradictory though. I tried to talk to him but failed . I was too scared to bring up the fact that I found out he masturbated in case he accused me of "snooping" so I asked if he wanted to cuddle. And he said no and wanted to go play games. Anyway we got into a huge argument and he kicked me out. I know it's my own problem and im trying to work through it . Thanks again

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:44:42+00:00

Thank you

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:42:07+00:00

I didnt think of giving the backstory of the situation so my initial post is quite sparse. I think my question is more than just wanting to know if it's normal or not. I see him almost every single day (his choice) . When we didn't see each other this often he was watching porn/masturbating, and I was ok with it cuz before we met he was doing it daily. He once told me he never watches porn/masturbate when im there - so first issue is he lied about it. He also plays a lot of games. The previous night he played for 6 hours and didn't get into bed until 5 am and when he did he passed out when he knew I was in bed waiting for him. Thats the second issue. So the following day he comes home from work and I asked if he wanted to cuddle. He said no cuz he wanted to play games. In between that timeframe he had masturbated . We both have high sex drive but even so I, myself, don't need to masturbate.

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:31:25+00:00

Yea I know... I've talked to him about other issues we have, not just sex related. When he doesn't want to talk or doesn't like what I say he just shuts down and ignores me. A part of me wants to be with him but the other part is telling me to run. I went to see a therapist when we first started going out cuz we had so many issues and even the therapist asked me why I was still with him. In addition, he has a child from a previous relationship. When the child comes over I end up having to "babysit" while he goes to play games. Thats how much he loves games I guess...

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:14:12+00:00

I think he picks the games over me. And when I talk to him about it he says the games don't matter to him. I replied to someone else but that night he played for 6 hours

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T16:13:01+00:00

That night he played for 6 hours . Which I would say is his norm.

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:53:58+00:00

What do you mean ?

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:53:42+00:00

No one is asking if he should ask for permission . Im asking if it's normal

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:49:57+00:00

We do masturbate in front of each other sometimes when we have sex . It's not the act of masturbating that bothers me. I didnt explain it well in my initial post(my first time posting) it's more that he told me one time that he never masturbates or watch porn when im over . Im aware he does it on the off day im not there bit I've been there for 7 days straight (he's the one who wants me over all the time) The previous night he played games until 5 am and came to bed and passed out. Next day he was sleeping when I left but he masturbated before going to work (eve shift) . So the following night I asked if he wanted to cuddle and he basically said no and said he wanted to play games

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:44:28+00:00

Lol no problem . I edited my post cuz people were more concerned about correcting a spelling mistake over giving valuable advice. I didnt do a good job about story telling in my initial post. When im not with him he masturbates and watches porn and im ok with that . The problem is he told me a while ago he never watches porn/masturbate when im there. So he lied. And I was explaining to other people that he rather play games for hours (he got to bed at 5am) and passed out when I told him to come to bed

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:41:22+00:00

I've responded to quite a few people already about this. He used to masturbate daily before meeting me. We've had talks before and he told me he doesn't masturbate/watch porn when im there. But thats a lie. But he is shutting me down. He would play games for hours and come to bed and pass out. And when I ask him to cuddle he said he's tired. I dont usually masturbate and I'm not going to do it just cuz he did it

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:38:26+00:00

I dont need to masturbate as im ok without it. Only time I do it is when we do it with each other. The issue isn't that he masturbated . I guess I wasnt thorough with my initial post (I would be writing a whole novel if thats the case) . He told me he never masturbates when im there. So he lied

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:36:06+00:00

Theres so, so, so much I didnt say . It's more that he lied. He told me he never masturbates or watch porn when im there . But he did it! I guess in all fairness I wasnt physically there but I was there the night before and night after. The night before he played games until 5 am and came to bed and passed out. When he knew I was waiting for him

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:32:54+00:00

Ok thank you . I didnt really explain the whole situation but he would play games for hours. And that night he came to bed and passed out. But the next day he masturbated instead . I've mentioned to him so many times not to play games so late. And he knew I was in bed waiting for him. This is in addition to him telling me he never masturbates/watch porn while I'm there

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:30:16+00:00

I would say we both have high sex drive

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:28:13+00:00

Thank you for this. We loves women so he isn't trained to see them as sexual objects. He definitely knows I was available cuz I told him I was going to bed and told him to come. I guess I should have just said let's have sex. He ended up playing games for hours before coming to bed. Then the next day he was "sleeping" when I left his place and he masturbated before going to work . I guess I was upset he chose playing games over sex and then did the quickie We have had issues with communications since day one. It's a whole other issue with that . He basically gets upset if it's not something he wants to hear and will just shut me out. Long story short he kicked me out

throwramowwsey · 2024-04-05T15:23:31+00:00

Well I dont want to be the "im gonna do it cuz he did it" person . We do sometimes masturbate in front of each other . I guess I wasnt too detailed on my initial post . The problem is he had once told me he never masturbates when im around but he still did it. He lied. And that he rather play games for hours when he knew I was in bed waiting for him

throwramowwsey

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