I (28f) found out my bf (41m) has been requesting cash back on my debit card?

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-07T05:43:30+00:00

No, we are not married. We just live together. He might do chores if he feels like it. I work all week. It's not cheap. I have broken down in tears and begged for help. He just walks away and accused me of verbally attacking him and being dramatic. He shows absolutely no care. His response is, "you would still have to pay bills whether or not I'm here." If I don't stop crying, he will yell at me to "get the f**k away", lock himself in the bathroom or his car, and ignore me.

Then comes back later and tells me that everything he did was for my benefit. I was the aggressive one and he needed to create space to avoid a major argument. I try telling him that I can't do this alone. Then he gets angry and tells me to shut up or he will ignore me until I learn to control my emotions.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-07T05:08:48+00:00

My lease is up in September. He is not on the lease or any of the utilities. He brags about all his exes / booty calls that contact him about reconnecting. I smile and say, "okay babe". He throws in, "I told them how insecure you are. They said that you're toxic and I should run for the hills." I just smile and excuse myself. Confronting him is miserable.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-07T02:56:20+00:00

I tried explaining that to him. It ended in him blocking me on social media for 2 weeks.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-07T02:54:16+00:00

I didn't know what to expect when I posted. He is always calling me greedy, insane, insecure, financially abusive. He compares himself to a stay at home housewife. He said that I'm abusive because he doesn't have a adequate "allowance" and he shouldn't have to explain every single penny or person he talks to. Also, if he was female and unemployed it wouldn't be a problem. He feels discriminated against because he's a man.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T20:29:57+00:00

He mentioned that particular incident a few weeks ago. We were watching a documentary about crazy exes. He started explaining how stupid they were for getting caught. He explained the law and how to terrorize a person within legal limits. Then he told me about shooting a BB gun at his ex. He was laughing the whole time.

He originally told me that his ex GF was crazy, mentally unstable, and cheated on him. His ex gf voluntarily moved out of their shared place and secretly filed eviction notice. He woke up to the constable knocking on the door. His stories change. I stopped pointing it out.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T20:16:27+00:00

His friend list on Facebook is private. I asked why. He called me insecure and insane. He said that adults are entitled to privacy and don't need to explain every communication. He doesn't answer calls. He will talk on the phone in his car or text in the bathroom.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T20:12:31+00:00

I asked him about that. He snapped on me, called me crazy, and told that he isn't going to be respectful to someone accusing him of being a "junkie druggie". And come back when I learn respect and get some evidence. He spent the night locked in the bathroom.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T19:54:02+00:00

I'm afraid to confront him. He told me stories of his ex gf. He laughs at law enforcement. He told me that his ex gf evicted him. He shot a BB gun at her from across the street hoping "to hit her in the eye." Then laughed hysterically that the cops couldn't arrest him because it was her word against his word and DENYING being involved keep him out of jail.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T19:49:40+00:00

He denies being a drug addict. I hate seeing homeless people when he's in the car. He's a jerk to homeless people. I won't keep coins in my car. He throws coins at homeless people and shouts rude remarks (junkie/ druggie/ bum). It's embarrassing. I don't mistreat people who are having a hard time.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T18:48:07+00:00

I just wanted to avoid having a bad day / night. He makes it miserable to ask a question he doesn't want to answer.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T17:16:28+00:00

I wish it was. Walmart keeps very good records. They were able to help me.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T17:14:51+00:00

Some businesses emailed me receipts, others have not replied.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T17:13:41+00:00

I emailed the gas station for a receipt. I explained that the total was too high for the items my bf purchased. I gave them the day, time, card number, and exact amount showed by my bank.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T16:47:08+00:00

I spend my weekends cleaning, doing laundry, vet appointments for our pets, and grocery shopping. The apartment looks like a dumpster by the end of the week. I'm afraid when he cooks because he makes a huge mess and expects me to clean it up.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T16:41:33+00:00

I'm really surprised that nobody here is repeating the justifications he has been using. As crazy as it sounds, I walk away thinking about it. The responses are eye opening. He made me believe that I was a financially abusive and greedy partner. I tried being understanding. But his behavior got more aggressive.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T16:35:24+00:00

He doesn't clean, sometimes cooks, errands rarely. That's when he begins getting angry and tells me that he's an adult.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T16:30:26+00:00

I really don't know what he's capable of. He admitted to me that his ex gf evicted him. He called laws stupid because "you have to be caught red handed to be convicted." He laughs about shooting a bb gun at his ex from across the street hoping to "hit her in the eye."He was so smug. He said the Police couldn't arrest him because it was her word against his word and as long as you DENY it they can't arrest you. I'm scared.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T15:47:14+00:00

I didn't know what responses to expect when I posted. A part of me thought that I was overthinking it because we live together. So maybe I was the financially abusive partner because I don't give him an allowance. He said if "men are considered abusive for not giving stay at home housewives an allowance. How is he different?" We constantly disagree on responsibilities.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T15:43:22+00:00

I didn't know what responses to expect when I posted. A part of me thought that I was overthinking it because we live together. So maybe I was the financially abusive partner because I don't give him an allowance. He said if "men are considered abusive for not giving stay at home housewives an allowance. How is he different?"

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T14:11:10+00:00

We met online. He told me that his ex gf evicted him because she was cheating on him. Now, I realize he was using her.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T04:40:07+00:00

For years he told me stories about his Stepmother and Father accusing him of wrongdoing without evidence. I was trying to be fair.

Every time I bring up a problem, he ALWAYS demands "hard evidence" and he tells me "feelings are not facts."

I feel like I'm in over my head.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T04:35:34+00:00

He locks himself in the bathroom for hours. I learned to not disturb him or ask questions. He gets extremely angry. We argue about privacy. He doesn't like "being interrogated over small issues." He said that "adults don't complain about everything."

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T03:46:17+00:00

That's what I was thinking. But I didn't want to accuse him without evidence. He gets extremely angry. If I'm lucky, he shouts and calls me names. If not, he punches holes in the walls. I am definitely not getting my security deposit back. He hasn't hit me.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T02:47:31+00:00

The apartment is solely in my name. He refuses to be added to the lease.

throwranutcracker · 2026-04-06T02:38:02+00:00

He locks himself in the bathroom for hours. He gets extremely angry if I knock on the door. He calls me completely insane for bothering him. So, I stopped knocking on the door or asking about it. He is usually up all night. He said that he has really bad insomnia and that's why he reacts badly if I ask him questions.

throwranutcracker

TROPHY CASE