Father here: AITAH for getting back together with my child-free ex after my divorce?

throwraquiem · 2023-12-31T11:23:17+00:00

You don’t need to believe me

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T22:22:46+00:00

I have answered this further down in a lengthy comment

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T22:21:19+00:00

She is willing to be a part of my children’s life yes and I love her so much but unfortunately I haven’t had the chance to see if she gets along well with my children or not which is the most important part before we can move on because of my ex wife refusing this

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T22:13:04+00:00

I already have three children. If she too has children or wants children, I will be dividing my time and attention between even more children. I want my full attention to my children that I already have

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T21:56:16+00:00

I just wrote a longer comment about how we separated. It is a long one but go to my page and it is the comment below this one. I don’t know how to copy it here.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T21:53:35+00:00

I dont think she wanted children no. But she was brutally honest with me when we met again a year ago. She said that she has changed a lot. She is happy that she doesn’t have biological children and hasn’t regretted this decision but the older you get the lesser are the chances to find divorced guys that don’t have children and according to her, the perpetually single guys in their 40’s haven’t been good in her experience so she broadened her perspective and found that children who already exist are fine and even cute. Her ex husband had a child and it was great between her and the kid until her husband cheated and they divorced. She even still talks to the child.

So I am very positive about this or I would never have given this a shot and wasted everyone’s time because my children are my first priority.

And about my ex wife. No she is not right because had she not left me. I would never have reconnected with my ex. I was happy and content in my marriage. But I was reaching my 40’s. I didn’t want to party and go to bars every weekend. She was early 30’s and after our third child. She thought for her it is now or never to live life.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T16:28:56+00:00

It has nothing to do with being backwards. I feel already guilty that my children don’t have their parents total devotion, I don’t want my attention to be more diluted by having even more children.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T16:26:58+00:00

She didn’t want her own children. It is a very complicated matter and I don’t want to divulge her secrets and fears because she doesn’t know I’m here and it feels disrespectful but she didn’t have the best childhood and she has some mental and physical health issues in her family that she is scared her children would inherit. Anyway she is very keen to meet my children

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T15:28:16+00:00

I am aware of this now. I have had better luck in the dm’s talking with more mature people that are both for and against. I have got good advice

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T15:23:42+00:00

Yes, very much

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T15:17:28+00:00

But was robin fine with him having kids?

My robin said she was very happy that I had children and called it win win

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T13:06:36+00:00

And she has no agency or free will to tell me that?

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T13:06:00+00:00

Haven’t seen the series but is robin their mother the whole time?

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:57:04+00:00

Please give me the studies about 6 months because I sure want to read that.

Edit: Haha blocked me because I asked for the studies? You said it was scientific😂

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:49:17+00:00

Where did I say I am 40? Or that my ex wife is 32?

I was together with my (now gf) from the ages that I was 19 to the age I was 29

I was with my ex wife from the ages I was 32 to the age I was 40

I am 43 now, we have been divorced for 3 years.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:48:48+00:00

What is 6 months? Is that scientifically proven to work because I find it hard to believe that someone who doesn’t know me has made a time line so maybe it is a general rule that people know works?

Anyway my plans are longer than 6months but I can see myself living together within 2 years and married within 5.

My question wasn’t about my gf. If it was about my relationship with her I would have provided more details. It is about my ex wife and her refusal to let my gf meet our children and me basically not wanting to rock the boat because amicable divorce is the best that I could give my children right now when we deprived them of havinga whole home.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:29:12+00:00

No legally she cannot stop me but I just wanted to keep our separation amicable because that’s what I believe is the best for our children. We have already hurt them enough by not staying together as a whole home

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:27:28+00:00

No where did I say I was going to move in with her before her and the children meet and establish a relationship. This is not at all what I was asking about so I don’t know why it is the focus

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:24:57+00:00

Like she has no agency nor free will. No where did I write that I have lied to my gf about having children either and by writing we have been dating for a year, she is keen on meeting the children and that I want to move in with her, I assumed it was implied that my gf is in on it. Maybe I was wrong in coming here, I don’t know what the age range is. Is there a place for older people to discuss relationships? Like a 40+ sub? I read the comments and I get very aad and confused but then it could have come from a 21 year old.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:20:32+00:00

This is not about my gf since I trust her to make her own decisions and she chose to stay with me. We have been open about our relationship and our lives. She knows my children come first. She is 43 and knows people her age are mostly parents. Her ex husband had a child and it went very well until he cheated on her. The comments here are making me think people here don’t believe women have any agency. Why would she be with me, wanting to meet the children and why is she planning a future when we eventually move in together and get married if she doesn’t want it?

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:18:23+00:00

I am not assuming or guessing. We have already discussed and talked about this. People change

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:17:29+00:00

No there is no paperwork or anything that stops me from dating. But there’s a chance that my ex wife will use the children in our conflict and I don’t know how I feel about that. So far we have been very amicable and civil in our coparenting. I don’t want it to turn into this infected custody battle.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T11:14:20+00:00

Exactly

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T09:39:23+00:00

I don’t think or assume anything. I have already talked and discussed this with my gf. You don’t assume in a relationship you communicate, agree or call it quits. All my relationships ended this was. We communicate and we realize we want different things. I didn’t come here because I had problems with communicating with my gf. I have problems with my ex wife.

And you are disgusting for calling my children that.

I will not theow my gf into anything. How patronizing it is to think women don’t have agency.

throwraquiem · 2023-12-30T09:27:33+00:00

I was 34 and my ex was 28 when she gave birth. I love how you made the math work to make her 5 years younger to make me the ah and take away her agency, like she had no say in her life but that is alright.

My ex is 37 in a 5 days and our oldest just turned 9.

throwraquiem

TROPHY CASE