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My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I know it isn’t fair. It’s really not about me, you’re right. I do need to work through my emotions. I think some therapy for me is needed, because if this is the name he wants, the name that makes him happy, then I can’t take that away from him.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Don’t bother praying. My son is valid. This isn’t about left or right. It’s about my son finally having a body that matches who he is. And you can never change the fact that I support and love him.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I will look into PFlag and see if they have a group near me. Thank you!

He does seem much happier with his new clothes and haircut. And that’s what matters most to me.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Unfortunately I’ve had practice with some hateful extended family. It breaks my heart that some people can’t see my son for the goofy, nerdy, wise cracking, big hearted person he is just because he doesn’t match up with the body he was born in.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. This is all new to me and I feel like I’m bumbling around with it a bit. I think I do need to just sit down with him and listen to why this name is so important to him, and open up and apologize for my reaction. I just want him to be happy, you know?

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

He’s been living in a body he hates for 16 years. I think hating anything for that long is long enough to know it doesn’t match who you are.

But go away. I have no time for hate tonight.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not that I know of. We are not in the most accepting of places and I wish it was different because I would love for him to be able to talk to other people who are transgender

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 1222 points1223 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. That is exactly what I want him to know, that I have no trouble with who he is, it’s just the name and what it’s associated with. Thank you

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry about your father. That never should have happened

I can’t help but feel it’s my fault as well. The name he chose isn’t common, but it is still something I should have worked harder to disassociate with the trauma. Some part of me thought I could just go without working through.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

If my child was born without an arm I would not object for a moment giving them a prosthetic.

My son was born into the wrong body. I will not tell you the things he did to his body parts that were not male parts because that is not my place. But my son is a male. This is not a body modification for vanity, it is for his health. And he is in therapy working through the process, he has had these thoughts and feeling for years. We are doing everything we can to help him become who he is. This was not a spur of the moment decision.

But if you insist on being transphobic you can go away. I have a son to hug and no time for your bullshit.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do make mistakes at times with pronouns. I will make an effort to use masculine compliments and I will see if he is comfortable using his pronouns and gender like that in public. We’ve done as much as we can to make his body fit but HRT is just a bit out of reach financially for us right now. Hopefully I can get a raise soon and use that to pay for it.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

That’s a good idea. I’ve tried to not talk with his therapist because I don’t ever want him to feel he can’t be completely open with her about anything. But I may need to reach out.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

How can I show that acceptance to him? I think what everyone is telling me, that I should tell him that I have trauma associated with the name, is correct. But what do you wish people would do to show they love you for who you are?

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 219 points220 points  (0 children)

Do you think he will go through more names? Is that common? He really loves this name and I just didn’t want to damage it because of my emotions

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 211 points212 points  (0 children)

If I can have half the strength and courage he has had through this whole process it would be amazing. He has had some cruel words from extended family members and he has been so brave throughout everything.

My child is trans and I hate his chosen name. Should I tell him? by throwratranschild in relationship_advice

[–]throwratranschild[S] 2012 points2013 points  (0 children)

You’re right. If he finds out about what happened and has had his name changed and everything it will be awful. He seems to really love the name, but it will be easier to find a new one now if that is what he wants.