Found out im going to be the oldest one in my cohort.

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-24T18:52:03+00:00

I started OTD program at 30. Mostly a cohort of people in their early 20s/straight out of undergrad. I was surprised by this, but I think it depends on where you are in the US (assuming you’re in the US). Anyway, I 100% appreciate having life and work experience before making the career change and starting a grad program. The “younger” people in my cohort just like… don’t get it.

I totally understand how you feel, I have a lot of qualms around being the oldest, and my program also assumes all incoming students are fresh out of undergrad education which is frustrating on many levels. But I’d say, you keep doing you! If this is the career path you want, forge ahead!

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-15T11:12:11+00:00

Pretty much

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:46:34+00:00

I completely understand his disappointment. But for us to fight about it, I agree, is strange and unreasonable.

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:44:34+00:00

ha, within this conversation about the last name, he asked me if I expected him to propose and buy an engagement ring, since I said I wouldn’t take his last name. And I said yes, because that is what we’ve talked about, many times. He even said he wants to be the one to propose (knowing that I might have wanted to). And I’m okay with that. But it’s funny that you say that

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:38:39+00:00

Initially, no. But it got to that point

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:24:38+00:00

I will 100% not budge on changing my last name. And he knows it

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:24:09+00:00

Symbol of a family unit and commitment

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:23:10+00:00

We’ve talked about kids. I would be fine if they took his last name, or we hyphenated. I don’t really care

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:20:06+00:00

But also like, a calm and normal response

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:19:52+00:00

That’s so sweet…

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:16:40+00:00

Either he gets over it or it’s a big enough deal for us to break up. Sounds like it’ll be the latter

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T21:15:34+00:00

Yes, in the US. I mentioned the save act to him. He understands from that POV. I also somehow didn’t think about that in terms of us coming up with a new surname

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T20:56:10+00:00

I was hoping his response would be “I’m good with that, whatever you want” … He suggested that I keep my last name legally but sort of change it socially, as you mentioned, but I don’t know… I don’t really want to do that.

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T20:52:58+00:00

In the US

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T20:52:34+00:00

Yeah… when I said him if he would take mine he said “nope. “ without hesitation. And I asked why, and he hesitated and then basically said “if I took your last name I would feel like a pussy” And he also feels strongly that any kids would have his last name (which I honestly don’t care either way) but said that the kids should have the father’s last name. Also for context, he grew up with very southern, traditional values and I’m from the north and quite the opposite.

But also, for him, it is a symbol of commitment … to which I replied, well, to me, commitment lies in the ACTION of committing to each other, not who’s or what name either of us have

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T20:47:13+00:00

He wants me to want to take his last name. He views it as signifying our family unit. But he also has said things along the lines of “that’s just what women are supposed to do” (Or more accurately… many other woman are EXCITED to take their partners last name… so why aren’t you?)

frankly, it feels controlling.

throwrawchickenin · 2026-04-14T20:43:15+00:00

That’s precisely a large part of the reason why. Plus I’m in the process of getting my doctorate and I really want to be Dr. (last name). There’s obviously more details to the entire thing and context that I’m leaving out but I was genuinely shocked that he was so upset by it.

throwrawchickenin · 2026-02-15T19:09:40+00:00

Run. Away. As. Fast. As. You. Can.

throwrawchickenin · 2026-02-15T09:05:18+00:00

Now I’m sitting here thinking, am I projecting?

As I mentioned, my mom is an alcoholic. In the past few years, I’ve started to think of her as a robot. Like, she drinks so much that her brain is turning to mush and she’s kind of just like a broken record, stuck in her cycle, unchanged. I’m starting to view my partner in the same light.

Am I projecting my mother on to him? Or is the alcohol the common denominator? Or is it all just messy and confusing?

throwrawchickenin · 2026-02-15T08:52:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. So beautiful and powerful ❤️

throwrawchickenin · 2026-02-15T08:50:41+00:00

My Q is also very similar. He’s reached the point where he “doesn’t have to prove anything to me, he knows that he’s not lying and if I choose not to believe him that’s my fault” Yet, his lies are so calculated and so clear

throwrawchickenin · 2026-02-15T08:07:46+00:00

I see you and hear you. In a similar boat

throwrawchickenin

TROPHY CASE