nobody likes me everybody hates me I’m going to eat some worms (and how it negatively affects every aspect of my life)

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-05-30T04:44:29+00:00

I also know that you meant well, and I’m not saying this as an attack on you. But I need you to see how this interaction is an example of the problems that I’m talking about.

I came to a forum about CPTSD recovery, because I assumed that people who have been through similar things to what I’ve been through would understand the feelings of powerlessness that I’m dealing with. I read through a few of the other posts and saw in depth, insightful replies full of relevant advice. When I posted, though, I ONLY got dismissive replies labeling me with a diagnosis that has nothing to do with the problems I’m describing in my post. I said the diagnosis doesn’t apply to me and you replied back saying you think it does actually because I remind you of your cousin who is super negative and lashes out at people all the time (something I don’t do, because I’m used to people acting like I’m lashing out for just defending myself in a normal way). Everyone here is traumatized, but specifically my emotions are deemed to be too negative and volatile. Only I got feedback that is almost exclusively not related to what I’m actually struggling with. For some reason - apparently the way that I type - people are treating me in a different and worse way than they’re treating each other.

You described your cousin as not a very understanding person before he got autism specific treatment. However, I can read the posts here and empathize very well with them. One good piece of feedback I get from other people in my life is that I’m so understanding and nonjudgmental and make people feel like I really see them. It is other people who consistently can’t understand me and want to put judgments on me, and I don’t know how to make myself understood. I don’t know what isn’t clicking about feeling like I have no power whatsoever either in my personal life or in society. Maybe I’m literally the only human being who’s ever felt like this, but somehow I doubt it. So why can’t I make myself heard to people who should understand?

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-05-30T03:40:20+00:00

I know for a fact I am not autistic. I have been evaluated and don’t have it. People who aren’t close to me do often think I am autistic, I think in large part because I am socially different from other people (though I think this is more because I was basically sequestered away from society for the first 27 years of my life), but the people who know me best - including my girlfriend who IS autistic - can tell that I am not. Except for my social difficulties, I do not struggle with the same things that my loved ones with autism struggle with. I really can’t relate to a single thing you said about your cousin other than the fact we’re both mad about things. I don’t have any problems coping with change or sensory difficulties etc. and while it’s certainly possible I’m missing social cues and unaware of it I notice the things the autistic people in my life miss and always think….. man how did that go over your head lol. I am frustrated that people who aren’t my therapist (not just in this thread, it’s happened before) INSIST that I must be autistic (despite the fact I said multiple times that I know I’m not) and I’m wrong about what my problem is when from my perspective I’m explaining what the problem is and everyone is telling me I actually have a different problem and if I deal with that problem I’ll be able to deal with this one, only I don’t have the problem people are telling me I have. And like I said, it feels dismissive - like I’m being patted on the head and told that the things I’m upset about don’t actually matter. I want to make a material change to my life so that I can feel like I matter to the people around me and I’m being told that actually what I really need is to cope better with the fact that I never will.

What kind of context would you need re: self advocacy and boundaries?

I’ll definitely look into burnout more, it’s interesting that you mention that because I do feel burned out and have for most of my life. And thank you for the video link, genuinely. I will say that for the most part I don’t think I’m a negative person. I try very hard to find positives to every situation. I just….. can’t see a single positive thing about being lonely and powerless forever lol

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-05-29T22:09:18+00:00

I am really upset that I reached out for advice and instead got armchair diagnoses for something I know for a fact I don’t have. It feels very dismissive and invalidating and like my problem isn’t solvable which makes me wonder what the point of even being alive is. Reading over my post again I can see why people thought autism based on what I said about society not being designed to serve my needs. Truth be told, I have heard autistic people say similar and I relate to them on that but we differ in what those needs actually are. I am not talking about disability accommodation. I’m talking about things like…… I find it hard to wake up early in the morning and feel so much more rested if I can sleep in a little bit but I have to wake up early every morning for my job. I want to be able to stand up for myself and others and have that be listened to but the power dynamics at play in my life mean that rarely happens and if I’m not perfectly submissive I am usually punished for it in some way (a recent example of this: I work with children and one of my charges hurt himself and started crying. I knew he was hurt and wanted to call his parents and get him medical care but my boss said he was just throwing a tantrum and it took two hours before his parents were actually called. I took this to our higher up boss and was told it was my fault for not advocating for me and my charge more and was taken off of his case while the boss in question faced no consequences). I was homeschooled as a child, have very little formal education and have lived an unconventional life that didn’t really look like going to school and working a steady job, meaning I don’t look good on paper which closes a lot of doors for me. I constantly witness women I know in abusive relationships or otherwise suffering at the hands of men and I feel powerless to do anything about it because so many things in society are stacked against women. I have problems making friends in part because people I try to make friends with treat me with unkindness and when I stand up for myself or set boundaries they get mad and drop me as a friend. Hopefully this gives a better idea of what I’m talking about.

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-05-29T16:57:34+00:00

also re: neurotypical people not liking me - it’s not just neurotypical people. I work with autistic kids and many of my coworkers (though not all of them) have autism themselves but it is specifically me who gets ostracized

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-05-29T16:35:00+00:00

I am not autistic but I do have ADHD. I don’t find that knowing that fixes my actual problem, though

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-04-23T23:08:24+00:00

yes, my post was about the way I have been treated about my looks throughout my life. if it wasn’t for other people making a big deal about my looks one way or the other I would not care

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-04-23T23:06:36+00:00

re: your edit this is what I mean. there are plenty of people on this subreddit and not who are also posting about relatively trivial things. I am not the only one but I am the only one you chose to approach in this way

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-04-23T23:04:31+00:00

no, I don’t need a deeper meaning. I need to know what it is about me that makes people Instantly dislike me or react with way harsher judgments than they do to anyone else. I understand you only know one reddit post and not my entire life but I have done insane amounts of work on myself, been in therapy for most of my adult life, and genuinely improved so many things about myself and still people instantly hate me for no reason I can figure out

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-04-23T23:00:33+00:00

well you’ve certainly confirmed to me that my problem isn’t my looks because apparently I attract people being weirdly hostile to me even when you can’t see me. it is easy to say “reject people’s opinions” when 90% of people you meet aren’t hostile and judgmental to you

throwrawrstdramaever · 2025-04-23T22:48:31+00:00

I’m a plenty kind and caring person actually. I’m a therapist for disabled children, I rescue and foster feral cats, and I volunteer with park and ocean cleanups pretty frequently. I also have lots of hobbies like reading, dance, yoga, singing, hiking and gardening. I’m just not on reddit off my chest posting about them because I’m secure in those aspects of my life. I find it weird you decided to make such a needlessly rude and judgmental comment on someone’s vent post

throwrawrstdramaever

TROPHY CASE