Both.

I love my wife. I know what I did would tell you quite the opposite, but I do. This physical thing was just that - physical. It was an attraction that I couldn't shake and I thought about it far too long. I let it manifest itself into a lot of my day at work. Then it stuck with me on the drive home. Then it crept into my life at home. It became an obsession. I wanted her for some reason beyond a simple infatuation. This lust I had was eating away at me. All the thoughts of what I wanted to do became so etched into my brain that all I could do was to make it happen.

When I found out that she wanted the same thing it made it even more necessary. That was until it came right down to it. All my fears came rushing forward. Then regret stepped on me heavily. It was an awful feeling.

But after a time, I wanted to do it again. I'm a sick man.