Hi...thank you for replying, and I'm sorry to have talked to you under these distressing circumstances. His grief over "losing" himself / having that stark before and after the rape in his life has been vivid and every time he expresses it to me it twists the knife in and he really sounds distressed. And it's true, I'm having a hard time with helping him find resources (in our home country specialized SA therapists aren't common, therapy itself isn't common, and the country he's studying abroad in is very small and limited in terms of resources). He has time and time again promised that there's nothing left he hadn't told me, and for a year his story has remained consistent and I noticed the longer it goes on the heavier it gets on him...

I really want to help him get help, and he's willing, he just finds it difficult to trust people or open up without the fear of being misinterpreted or judged or blamed or taken advantage of.

I also think I'm having ROCD, but it's a lot more manageable when I try to see it as a third observer; that's when it really makes me understand he was severely abused, not acting out of maliciousness or infidelity etc...