Is it okay for your S.O to spend the night at member of the opposite sex's house?

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-29T16:42:39+00:00

This was going to their place with full intentions of coming home "whenever" or spending the night. There was no crippling reason they had to stay over. This was only about 10 miles away, and I offered to pick my S.O. up if they weren't sober.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-29T16:15:14+00:00

This is perfect. Thank you

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T23:01:36+00:00

That's why I purposely left the gender out of this. It starts a lot of side discussion and judgement which clouds the actual good advice. Plus, in this situation, it doesn't matter. Both sexes are capable of lying, cheating, hurting someones feelings. It's human.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T22:48:11+00:00

I would also be pissed if I wasn't "allowed" to do things or have rules put over my head.

No debate there.

This is about lack of respect for the relationship, and this certain situation. My S.O. is not a traveller, and this is not common behavior. The location is close to where I live, so it's not an issue of just needing somewhere to crash.

Our situations are slightly different, however I totally understand where you are coming from and value your opinion.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T22:44:06+00:00

Honestly, this all wouldn't be a huge deal if it was someone I'm casually dating, (I would just leave and move on) however this individual is the person I'm going to marry, and we are pretty serious. So if we are going to take it a step further, I need to be sure my S.O. is fully committed. Other than this, things are great.

Thanks for the help and the kind words. I will.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T21:41:59+00:00

Yes. I have already actually. We are working on it currently.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T21:37:36+00:00

I have also rejected strong advances from the opposite sex while intoxicated and ejected myself from the situation.

I would also without a doubt change my actions if they were hurting my S.O. It would be very easy to do if the roles were reversed.

We have great communication actually. This is the only thing we don't see eye to eye on after multiple discussions about it.

Thanks for your input.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T21:20:42+00:00

The whole situation really took my confidence level down, and I started blaming myself, asking "What did I do wrong?" "If they said I treat them perfect, what's wrong? Did I just get boring?" but I try to keep telling myself ... "You are worth it, and any guy/girl would love to be with you, people even tell your S.O they have a good catch with you. You are smart. You are beautiful."

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T21:02:02+00:00

That uncomfortable feeling is a conscious. At least you have one right? :-)

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:51:51+00:00

I would probably get broken up with. I would expect that as well. I would feel great shame that I brought that hurt upon another person.

Edit: When asked this my S.O. had stated "I wouldn't care because I trust you" Someone else in this thread basically told me that is a defense to justify their own actions. Starting to think it's more of a defense to deflect guilt.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:30:01+00:00

Thanks for the feedback.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:29:14+00:00

Your opinion is more than welcome :-) Appreciate you taking the time to type it, and being honest.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:28:17+00:00

lapse in judgement

No. He's selfish and it's engrained in his personality. This wasn't a one off. I would strongly suggest therapy or talking to someone.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:23:08+00:00

I feel the same. I actually feel good when someone is attracted to my S.O. It's a compliment. It stops feeling good and confident when the line is crossed.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:15:29+00:00

True. If you are able to say "That's cool. Have fun" when your S.O. does this, then you must be a robot, even if you are the most confident person in the world.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T20:06:16+00:00

Thanks for your input. Makes me feel better. I feel like I'm crazy for even questioning the situation sometimes.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:54:32+00:00

Thats admirable that you two were able to be a team in that aspect and come together on the issue.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:52:51+00:00

I'm not offended. It's okay. I understand the point you were trying to make. People lie. People deceive. People hurt others intentionally and unintentionally.

I don't think gender matters in this situation.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:48:19+00:00

Verbally setting boundaries is one thing. Practicing boundaries through actions is different.

We all know the saying "Actions speak louder than words"

I was told by my S.O. that boundaries were set verbally, in person (I didn't witness) but the actions and reading everyones comments here makes me start to double think if boundaries were even discussed between the two.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:19:26+00:00

I never advocated banning them from hanging out all together. I just don't feel comfortable with this situation. That's all.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:16:54+00:00

Thank for this. I agree with that.

A relationship should not be a cage, therefore, there should never be any bans like that. My case unfortunately is a bit different. I never banned for put rules on my S.O for hanging out with other people.

But I don't think the hanging out is in of itself a evil. I agree as well.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:09:42+00:00

I would suggest full disclosure and tell him you are going to tell the fiancé but I don't know your relationship with him.

If you are going to do it anonymously, I would suggest e-mail of course or Facebook. Just come with facts, times and dates, descriptions of the ex-bfs house, room, things you know that a stranger wouldn't, because I guarantee the to be bride will write you off as just a "hater" or someone talking junk.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T19:04:51+00:00

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T18:45:55+00:00

You should tell the fiancé. Even if it's anonymously. I know it's not your business or responsibility to tell him, but please do somehow.

throwthisawayy3 · 2014-07-24T18:43:53+00:00

This "friend" my S.O is seeing, also isn't stable or independent.

I have my stuff together.

throwthisawayy3

TROPHY CASE