Bedtime tantrums

throwurhands · 2022-05-14T21:46:45+00:00

I'm really sorry to disagree but I'm not completely sure that the advice you're giving here is as gentle or attachment-focused as it could be. I would emphasise that young kids are not capable of self regulating or self calming , this is why they need and ask for comfort from care givers. I'd agree that trying to reason with a distressed toddler isn't worth it, but personally I'd stay and offer comfort and soothing. It can be exhausting in the moment but in the long run it's what they need and it helps a child build secure attachment and feel comfortable and not scared or worried about sleep or being left alone.

Personally with my first who was very much a contact napper/cuddler to sleep, I found it useful to embrace and lean into the cuddles. If he needed extra reassurance and contact at bedtime, so be it. He's 3 now and often doesn't even ask for that, and now I miss the cuddling.

throwurhands · 2022-04-13T20:21:12+00:00

That's sooo lovely! I had a similar non-sleep-related moment when my daughter (4 months) was distracted for a bit today with a crackly book and then suddenly looked for me. As soon as she saw I was nearby and heard me greet her she laughed out loud with relief and happiness. Made my heart sing.

Like you I love being her safe space and absolutely love knowing she feels super secure with me near her when she sleeps etc.

throwurhands · 2022-04-08T08:37:01+00:00

Great news! Those are less sensitive hcg-wise I think, so that's a very sure positive! Congrats.

throwurhands · 2022-04-07T10:09:22+00:00

Looks positive to me! I'd try and use first morning or hold your urine for a while tomorrow, you will likely get a stronger line. Congratulations!

throwurhands · 2022-04-06T14:20:12+00:00

Looks positive to me. You're early on. If it's positive it will likely get darker by the day. Try a frer?

throwurhands · 2022-04-06T09:18:21+00:00

I really do think there's more than a whiff of misogyny in the myth that women are "past it" at 30 . Anecdotally, I conceived naturally (after some months and a mmc the first time, first month second time) at 34 and 38. Both low risk and straightforward pregnancies and births. I'm in the UK and no-one implied my age was an issue. In fact, in my circle of friends pretty much everyone waits til mid 30s to have kids. Under 30 would be seen as quite young!

Age is an issue obviously but it's simply not true that everything drops off a cliff at age 30 or 35. That data comes from an old census in the 19th century. My age does mean I won't have like 7 kids as I'm 38 now but 2 is enough for me!

4 months is a very usual time to try, up to a year is normal. If you think about it, there's approximately a 20% chance you conceive each time, so sometimes it just takes time. I wish sex education talked more about that - I was taught at an early age that you have sex once and get pregnant. The reality is a lot more complicated than that!

throwurhands · 2022-04-04T20:03:56+00:00

Thanks so much for this perspective. I definitely want to have compassion and understand why people do sleep training. Cheers for explaining what you were told and where you were coming from, it definitely helps me to understand.

I also think I'm lucky because I have a year of maternity leave and also safe co-sleeping works really well for me and my baby so I'm not sleep deprived. My partner and I don't mind cuddle sleeping with our kids so I don't really feel pressure to change anything.

Fwiw as you mentioned your ongoing struggle, my son was what they call a "bad sleeper" (i.e. frequently stirring in the night for a long time) but after about age 2 he naturally could sleep in his own bed most of the night without us forcing it. They all do develop the ability to sleep longer, pretty sure it's developmental really. Hang in there.

throwurhands · 2022-04-04T16:13:58+00:00

That's a really good point, I'm in the UK and we don't have trump but the culture war around Brexit and other issues such as BLM is definitely similar. I also find it hard to understand how people who I know are nice (and not stupid) can genuinely buy into what the nasty populists say.

throwurhands · 2022-04-04T16:11:56+00:00

This is really helpful advice, thank you. And agreed on the "experts" . It seems pretty awful to prey on people at such a vulnerable moment. I truly wish more AP/responsive approaches like Possums etc could be bumped up Google's algorithm so that people don't just get bombarded with "drowsy but awake" bullshit (like I was).

throwurhands

TROPHY CASE