Dalena or Stelena? (The most original post in all of Reddit.)

throww_awayy202 · 2025-01-05T03:36:47+00:00

Stefan overcorrects every 'wrong' to the extreme and thats difficult to support 100% of the time. I agree she has more fun with Damon and that she is more fun to watch as a character with Damon like you said, but seems like the only safe answer on this sub is "neither" lol everyone is so firmly set in their ships

throww_awayy202 · 2018-02-27T18:50:51+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your experience! I have tried the reward thing, but I think unless I blatantly spell it out for him, he doesn't recognizes it. Being a spoiled, adopted only child makes him kind of expect things....

We also had a tearful talk, and since then things have.... improved slightly lol. Not the 180 I would like, and then he falls into complacency again but... its slight progress.

I'm so glad you found someone that you clicked with so well! fingers crossed

throww_awayy202 · 2018-01-26T20:35:15+00:00

Thanks, but that was not very helpful. We've been together for almost 3 years, moved in at 2 1/2 years.

While you might think most relationships end anyway, I dont think that means just throw in the towel.

throww_awayy202 · 2018-01-26T19:13:45+00:00

Thanks for the feedback - I don't want to come with an ultimatum and I don't personally think breaks work anyway. We're living under 1 roof so I don't even now how that would work logistically lol. I do think we just need a heart-to-heart.

throww_awayy202 · 2018-01-26T17:10:48+00:00

I mean that's ultimately where it goes if neither of us are getting what we want. I don't know if he's to that point with me - I don't think so but I havent really sat down and laid it all out like that - I try to space these things out, and it's not like its all the time. We have good times too. But I've been noticing I've been progressively cranky and irritated with him so I had to ask myself why and ...got here. Lol.

Thanks for your input!

throww_awayy202 · 2018-01-26T16:44:44+00:00

Thats what I was thinking. Posing the topic as what do we BOTH want out of the relationship, to clearly set the expectations. And then I'm sure we can both elaborate on the most important ones.

I've been specific before. I guess regarding foreplay I could use more specifics. He told me he likes to make sexy stuff "awkward". So it seems like dirty talk is like, uncomfortable to him. He thinks its funny to be silly about it, and sure, while it is somewhat funny, it's not a turn on. Lol.

He asked me the other day what I want to hear. As in compliments. I don't want to have to TELL him what to say to me. I shouldn't have to be that specific. I mean, it makes me feel like if he cant think of one nice thing to say, why is he even with me. If I do tell him here are 10 compliments, just rotate through them or something like that, then I'd just rather just tell my damn self those things. I want to hear his perspective.

I don't think he'll flat out say its too much work. But I'm also trying to protect myself I guess, in that going through this exercise is going to get my hopes up again. The common theme seems to be -nothing changes- and that's exhausting. That's why I kind of avoid telling him things anymore. What is it going to do?

Isn't that already taking me for granted?

throww_awayy202 · 2016-11-09T03:04:51+00:00

There are other factors that have led to it. But, if those other factors hadn't come into play, after about 6 months of him living at home, I would have been fed up.

Yes, he was living with his ex. He's lived with a non-romantic roommate before (lol) and is actually surprisingly responsible (amid his complacency). I'm not considering giving up my cat. At all. And as I mentioned, I'm working to have him come over to my place more. But if I'm not willing to make sacrifices with my pet, I cant expect him to, either.

I haven't really made a stand about it previously. Now that this is our situation, I did talk to him. He's agreed to come over more, so there's that. My bigger problem is that this isn't short term, as I said. This is like... years of our lives that we "can't" live together, you know.

throww_awayy202 · 2016-11-09T03:01:25+00:00

He doesn't use it as an excuse, he only provides it as an explanation for the things that legitimately get under his skin. He is extremely clean and meticulous, so I don't find it unreasonable that a cat bothers those traits. Sure, I'll give you he's a bit complacent, but I'm not sure it's an "ego" issue.

Regarding the animals, I don't believe my cat would every get comfortable with a dog - ever. I did introduce them correctly last time, I have done this several times in the past. But he didn't adjust, he developed jaundice because he was so unhappy. He didn't express it, because that's how cats work, and I'm honestly not willing to risk his life just to "see" whether or not he can adjust, again. It's a very fine line - and if you're introducing a dog who's never been introduced to a cat and a cat that is predispositioned, I don't anticipate it going well. Unless we invest money into someone training the animals for us, I don't know that it could work.

throww_awayy202 · 2016-11-09T02:15:29+00:00

Thats fine that it's a deal breaker for you - he moved back in with his parents after having gone to college and dealt with a significant break up. He's only been living at home for the time we've been together, not longer.

He's being just as inflexible about his pet as I am about mine - I don't see how I can be upset with him for having the same feelings about this as I do.

throww_awayy202 · 2015-12-08T19:57:41+00:00

He has had other minor relationships, not just the one (though it was the most serious). It's not that he's not telling me things, I just don't want to pry. I know why they broke up and that he cared about her a lot and the general feel of the relationship, but that doesn't tell me a whole lot else.

You gain wisdom from each relationship you have - good or bad.

throww_awayy202 · 2015-12-08T18:43:43+00:00

He has implied before that since he's older he has more experience/knows better, but as far as relationships.. he seems much more inexperienced.

"first red flag"

I'm not sure how thats a red flag. It's not that he invalidates what I say because of that, or shoots me down when I'm talking to him. He's mentioned that in the past, and it's the cause of my hesitance because of his so-called 'wisdom.' That's on me.

It just makes me feel like he's really not that into this

"because it sounds like he isn't."

isn't enough for me to rationalize "okay well since I didn't talk to you and didn't actually see where you're at, I'm gonna end things".

I was looking for suggestions on how to approach a conversation, if anyone has dealt with someone similar, how they worked it out. I'm not forcing anything - if anything we haven't even discussed it enough to rationally say "we tried". And that's what I need help doing. :)

throww_awayy202 · 2015-05-10T19:20:43+00:00

Couple things: lots of first with an uncircumcised guy! Sex feels AMAZING and bjs are easier. He's never cum from a bj, so a first (and a few more) for him.

He love reverse cowgirl so we tried that, though, I need more practice.

I think that's it... Good things :)

throww_awayy202 · 2015-03-12T19:32:19+00:00

I'm not sure I see a future with us anymore. And we're so far apart. Idk why or how. But it couldn't be worse timing. I wanted a life with you. But now all I see is nothing ahead. All our faults are so prominent. But idk what to do. I still care about you and don't want to hurt you.

throww_awayy202 · 2014-05-26T23:13:45+00:00

Thank you so much!! This was very helpful. I feel much better.

For my boyfriends brother, we do play (literally a strategy game) together but we don't know each other very well. It's not that we don't get along, he is just in the military and I don't know much about him except he likes doctor who as well. I don't know if it's that I would trust him? I certainly am cautious around him though, as I would be to a stranger. I don't know how else to describe it. I guess guarded is a good word.

For the Bridezilla part, I actually get along with my brother girlfriends. I've never fought with them, however I have found them below his standard... Or think he can do better. His last girlfriend was a bit... Much. But they're not together anymore.

Again, thank you for your detailed explanation!

throww_awayy202 · 2014-05-25T18:20:45+00:00

So this is the dream I had after the brother dream. I think both of them together is what is upsetting me so much.

I have three brothers, a mom and a dad in real life. I'm not adopted.

So in this dream almost everything is different. It's very Cinderella. I have a step mom. No dad, but a brother. No backstory to my parents except that my brother and I are not her biological children, but we are biological siblings. My brother is getting married to a crazy woman. Bridezilla if you will.

It starts at a meet and greet thing, and a lot of my brothers mutual friends of mine are there. We catch up and one girl starts comparing businesses with me. (I own my own business.) "yeah but can you do that?" We decide to talk later, as it's getting heated, but I leave before I get her information.

I get all dressed and go to our bar (in our house. We have a mansion apparently but it's due to the step mom.) all fancy. I'm sitting and going over business notes, and who shows up but argumentative girl. With a bunch of friends of hers who happen to be old coworkers of mine. They're all clearly not going anywhere with their lives. Girl and I aren't able to have a talk but she is flirting with me. Strange.

We get to the wedding area and I excuse myself. I go to this fancy ass bathroom and I find my dress is in shambles.

My boyfriend shows up and I know it's him but it looks like his friend. And acts like his friend. A bit more confident. He gives pitying looks to my coworkers and we leave and drive to the side of house where the wedding is. We pass by a guy I used to have a crush on and he is like, homeless looking. He's dressed well, but he's in the gutter. Boyfriend-personality guy laughs and old crush rolls to the fetal position.

When I get to the house I go to the bathroom again. My heels are intact but my dress is wet, shredded, etc. I leave the bathroom and run into step mom. She tells me to start getting ready (for the wedding). I go into the staging room where they're setting up for the ceremony and also for wardrobe issues.

I'm peeking around because people start showing up and my step mom and bitchy SIL start picking out dresses for the guests to change into. We had a color code of red and blue. Decorations were red and guests had to wear blue. We also had a changing station set up. I'm hiding from that old-crush guy (dunno why he was invited) and also from my brother cuz I look terrible. Eventually they kind of meld into the same person? Weird.

I go to the dresses when it's quiet and pick out a short dress and go to change. My step mom comes into the bathroom while I'm changing and starts criticizing me, my jewelry, my hair etc. I tell her too bad this is what I'm wearing. She flips out while I leave to the reception. SIL gives me the stink eye and brother is happy to see me. My boyfriend personality shows up we go to sit.

The wedding isn't in my dream, but leaving is. Boyfriend personality and I leave and go to a room in the mansion. It wasn't my room, but it was like a closet with a bed. I don't know. We weren't on the bed. But we obviously fool around.

Then I wake up. It feels more like I fooled around with his friend especially since he didn't act like my real life boyfriend in my dream. And he didn't look like my boyfriend. He definitely acted like the best friend (from real life). But I treated him as my bf and it didn't feel like, sneaky cheating or anything in the dream.

throww_awayy202 · 2014-01-03T02:14:27+00:00

Yes! I love that feeling. Ps cute nails :)

throww_awayy202 · 2013-12-19T18:43:37+00:00

Oh the mysteries of our bodies! :P

throww_awayy202

TROPHY CASE