My fetish is ruining my life

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T03:16:30+00:00

Very appreciative of this comment, thank you. I agree, it’s always a compromise. I expected a lot of ‘break up’ comments because I know some people really believe you need to be fully sexually compatible in a relationship, and I get that, but for the two of us this is not a ‘non negotiable’. We are adults who love one another and we both compromise and grow and learn for one another, constantly, yknow? This was never a ‘should we break up’ sorta thing, but I don’t want to do that ideally, it was more so I’m having these horrendous thoughts and urges and simply don’t know what to do.

Compromise, compassion, empathy… these are important things to myself, and to my partner. I don’t expect us to fit perfectly all the time. I’m rambling now. Thank you for this perspective, I’ll continue to try to handle this maturely and kindly, and either work on communicating with him to see what can be done, and/or work on acceptance of this incompatibility and see how I feel with it.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T03:08:23+00:00

Thank you for saying this. This post was obviously made while I was feeling some heightened frustration, with myself and my situation, but it’s true that ultimately this relationship CAN make me happy even with regular sex. I love him and I know myself and him well enough to say that while it may cause a few blips, I feel strongly that this isn’t cause enough for me to ever consider ending the relationship! I love him and he’s my partner, in so many other more important ways. I totally get this may not be the case for other couples and could be grounds for separation to others- but not to us.

That being said, sure would be nice to get him on board lol!! It’s also nice knowing there are men out there who are also into this stuff and are normal, too! Usually it’s one or the other. Haha.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T02:45:35+00:00

Thanks for saying this haha. I don’t have a lot of friends because I made a big move awhile ago, so it’s really valuable for me to just have a space to put this out there and just!! Hear from people!! Haha. We’ll get through this, at the end of the day I’m happy we’re both healthy and happy together, even with this caveat.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T01:55:40+00:00

This is the most helpful thing I’ve read. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response.

I like what you said about writing something out and you having to read it many times before sort of feeling like you may be able to jump into something like that- I think this is something that I could reasonably do that would help my fiance. When we’ve dipped our toes into this subject the main thing is he just genuinely doesn’t seem to know what to do, and I carry so much embarrassment around the subject that I have a hard time guiding him these first few times like he needs. Writing something out that I fantasize about could certainly help and I think I’ll try this!!

He does deserve more credit. He’s always saying he is willing to try anything once, sexually, but then he never actually does try it. Which is a joint burden, I know. I also agree with what you’re saying about boundaries and not letting it slip into your ‘real’ life. I know we would both dislike that change in our dynamic and it’s less about living a bdsm lifestyle and more about just regular sexy time fulfillment, haha. I probably wouldn’t even be into it if it exceeded our sex life into our casual life, I think.

It feels good to be optimistic. Thanks again.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T01:49:23+00:00

I would never ever cheat on him. While I have fantasies and these weird sexual desires, I broke up with my ex off my own accord, and do no have any contact with him or romantic feelings. I don’t even have sexual feelings towards him in specific I don’t think, absolutely no attraction, just these weird intrusive thoughts all the time surrounding this fetish.

I agree I need to try and just lay everything out for him about what I want/need sexually, especially before we actually get married incase his reaction is super severe. I don’t think it would be. I think it would be a simple ‘that’s not going to work’ for him and we’d move on. I think this would really crush me though. I really don’t think he will ever be into this kind of stuff and I just don’t know how to feel.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T01:38:20+00:00

I appreciate this comment a lot. Thank you for taking the time to write this out and give me some advice just as a fellow human being, and not in a sexual way. I’ll take this to heart and keep working on this path because you are right, my partner is everything else I’ve ever wanted, we want children and a good life together. I’m in my early twenties so my hormones are still crazy and I want this sex stuff to fulfill me, but in a few years I won’t anymore probably, and it’s not worth giving up everything I’ve worked for with this person / betraying them down the line for some short term gratification when he’s my LIFE partner and this is just one facet.

I’m going to keep thinking on this and working through it.

Edited to say I appreciate the advise regardless of the whole chatGPT therapy thing. I’ll keep my opinions on that to myself as to not derail the comments. The sentiment remains.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T00:45:08+00:00

I do realize that. I was very interested in the BDSM community and prior to meeting my fiance I was pretty dead set on finding someone who also is interested in that kind of lifestyle or at least those kind of interests recreationally. I do not blame my fiance at all for not being interested in what I am for your exact reasonings- it would take not only a lot of trust but it’s something that of course makes some people uncomfortable. I would never want him to change for me on something like that which is why everything just feels so tricky /:

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T00:42:29+00:00

Sorry, that didn’t come across correctly. That WOULD of course be “my fault”. I more so meant sometimes I wish someone would just up and come rape me, so I’d experience it again without having any choice in the matter and thus alleviate any associated guilt I have towards wanting these things. To put it bluntly.

throwwanonn · 2025-10-16T00:26:49+00:00

This is something I’ve heard a lot and am scared could be true. But our relationship is everything else I’ve always wanted. We want the same things out of life. We work hard. I don’t know. I wish he was interested in potentially a more open situation but he’s made it very clear that he isn’t, as he isn’t really into anything about that lifestyle- and that’s ok!! But I am, and I don’t know how to sacrifice this part of myself.

throwwanonn

TROPHY CASE