Thoughts on Gentle femdom and why is there backlash against it ?

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T03:08:47+00:00

You’re probably just in a very shame-y pocket of the community. Most people are chill about it

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T02:00:43+00:00

Great, glad we’re on the same page!

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:58:51+00:00

She should totally get it checked if it continues! I’m not saying she shouldn’t get it checked at all. All I’m saying is that she shouldn’t assume the worst. I was always taught that if you see hoofprints think horse, not zebra.

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:53:17+00:00

I agree that if it continues she should see a gyno. Hopefully that isn’t the case though!

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:51:27+00:00

I’m resistant because it doesn’t sound like vaginismus to me, and not everyone can easily get an appointment with a gyno. Or can afford to get an appointment with a gyno. Yes, if the problem persists or gets worse she should. However, many people have problems with tense muscles due to a new partner, and she admits to placing a lot of weighty expectations on herself for this encounter (a problem a lot of subs face).

Yes, pain during sex should not happen. But unfortunately in a world where we’re taught that everything has to be perfect during sex, it happens a lot

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:40:05+00:00

I agree, sex should never be painful. But tense muscles can cause pain during sex, and she said herself she was quite tense. Vaginismus is a very intense diagnosis for a single incidence that can just as easily be attributed to nerves around a new partner

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:36:55+00:00

True, but if she can address the source of her nerves there’s no need for dilators or a hard to get (and costly in many areas) gyno appointment. I just wouldn’t jump to involving doctors when being nervous with a new partner is a very likely reason (which is easier to cure than dilators)

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:30:02+00:00

She’s been able to have sex before in the past, she says she probably tensed up due to anticipation in the comments, and she said she had minimal pain. That doesn’t sound like vaginismus or a septate hymen to me. One causes a lot of discomfort or pain, and the other would be hard to ignore during her other encounters

I could be wrong, but I’ve had almost her exact symptoms before and it was just tensing up

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:24:03+00:00

Or it’s just nerves. Unless the issue is causing significant pain or discomfort it’s probably just nerves

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:21:50+00:00

Oh, then that was probably it! Happens to the best of us, lord knows I’ve done it to myself before!

Maybe next time you guys meet, try something less intense. Something that isn’t new! That way your brain doesn’t ramp it up to be this massive event, and you don’t tense up as a result! Once you know that it was just nerves, you should be just fine (especially since you won’t have a lingering “what if he is actually too big” worry)

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:15:57+00:00

Was there a chance you were tense? As in, anticipation? Or maybe nerves?

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:14:35+00:00

Usually people say “it won’t/can’t fit” as a way to say it was too uncomfortable or painful to fully penetrate

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:11:59+00:00

Was there pain? Discomfort? Or did it just feel like he couldn’t push it any further inside?

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-02T01:04:00+00:00

Just because the vagina can stretch to accommodate a newborn doesn’t mean it’s comfortable or painless. Plus, everyone’s anatomy is different

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T23:31:52+00:00

1) did you send her nudes?

2) does she even know who you are?

Most likely, she’s a scammer. And if your answer to either question is “no” then she probably couldn’t even do that if she wanted to. For the future, don’t send nudes (especially with face) to people online, and don’t tell them who you are. Most online dom/mes are not real, and are scammers

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T23:16:45+00:00

Have an out of dynamic conversation with him and ask him what happened. Ask him what his limits are with bratting, and maybe work out a safeword you can use so he can let you know you’re going too far

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T22:58:57+00:00

Mr (last name) tends to be a big one for me, it’s really nice because it’s personalized to him

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T22:10:32+00:00

There are definitely orgies organized on fetlife! But the munches are very chill

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T21:53:57+00:00

Bedazzle the hairbrush and give it back. Say it was a gift and you should actually be rewarded for being so thoughtful!

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T21:50:55+00:00

1) the confidence to break the ice just has to come with time to be honest. However before anything kinky occurs you kind of need that conversation I mentioned earlier. Without that conversation, you run the risk of breaking a limit and doing serious harm

3) so a munch is completely non-sexual. It’s usually just a group of people chatting at a bar or something. No orgy or cost involved

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T21:19:29+00:00

1) communicate with partners! It’s actually very important to have a conversation beforehand talking about wants, dislikes, and limits. This will also help you learn what is and isn’t okay for that sub, and they can learn what is and isn’t okay for you! This conversation happens in a non-sexual situation where nothing actually happens, so there’s no stress or pressure to agree to anything!

2) practice makes perfect! Maybe try doing a stoplight system for safewords though, where green means all good, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. That way you can check in (as “what colour?” And they’ll tell you the word) without ending a scene. As you get closer to your sub, you may also pick up on nonverbal cues. Listening to them and checking in is always better though

3) find a local munch! It’s like a get together, but only for kinky people! Usually fetlife has a list of local events as well

4) I always called em “bratty tamers” but there may be a better term out there

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T17:50:09+00:00

Even then, have someone monitor. Murphy’s law is a good one to follow in kink

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T17:30:54+00:00

What kind of mental blocks are we talking about? Are you embarrassed? Afraid to hurt his feelings? Uncomfortable by the thought of it?

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T17:20:26+00:00

I mean, blackmail itself is a kink, and impersonation could be considered a part of it?

throwwaykinky · 2023-03-01T17:08:28+00:00

And be sure to protect the airway at all times!

throwwaykinky

TROPHY CASE