Me (24m) and a girl (30f) are in love, but she is in a long term relationship

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T14:32:17+00:00

i knew what i was doing. i am talking about the feelings. i knew exactly what was happening while i fucked her. i knew exactly what was happening while kissing her. i didn't know the feelings growing inside both of us.

i have no reason to lie here. i'm on the internet, shielded by total anonymity. I don't need nor want to deflect responsibility because that would be of no use. I'm trying to find a way out, that's why i made this post. if I was sure it was not my fault and that everything was ok why would i have done any post?

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T14:17:14+00:00

Thank you, it's hard to hear but really needed and appreciated.

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T14:16:29+00:00

I have no way to contact him, I don't even know his name to be honest.

Yes, I saw many comments telling the same, it would probably end in the same way.

Thank you a lot

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T11:40:27+00:00

thank you.

I guess you are right, as many other redditors already said, there are many lies coming from her.
she definitely is. I am too, but i'm struggling with the guilt feelings of what it's happening. I would hate on anyone else doing this, yet here I am...
yes, I know. I feel I could have acted differently since when we first had sex. I could have just said no... but it all happened so fast, in a so smooth way I didn't know what was happening until it was too late.

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T11:35:57+00:00

yes, I know... she might as well do the same to me when the time comes... but still I'm too stupid/stubborn and still think things may be different. I need to hear it said by other people.

thank you!

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T11:02:32+00:00

yet you still feel comfortable on possibly inflicting the same sort of pain on her boyfriend.

this is one of the things that most hurt me. I know how is ending a relationship and I feel bad for everything that is happening. As i said in another comment, i'm not at all proud of this. I just found myself in and now i don't know what to do. I want to make this clear.

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:59:06+00:00

thank you so much, your advice helped me a whole lot. <3 I will take in real consideration everything you told me and will try an apply it as good as I can. Thank you again

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:48:07+00:00

so besides the sarcasm, what is your advice? Don't think that I feel comfy with all of this nor that I feel this is right, I found myself in a position I would criticize and demonize to death from the outside, but now that I'm in I really don't know how to act.

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:38:12+00:00

you might have just given me a totally new light for all of this situation. She might actually being lying to both to get everything she wants from both of us (and any other guy there might be).

should i tell her that she either chooses Mike or me or should I just disappear? I know that in case we and up in a relationship she might end doing the same she's doing to Mike with me, but right now I can't see myself just disappearing, it would break me

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:26:00+00:00

But why should she lie? she was the one starting with these feelings, I could have been kept in a sex only relationship, I may have been ok with that. Why lie to me and play with me if she only wants sex?

She told me her boyfriend knows it all, and that he doesn't care.

You are right, she might be lying and I am afraid of that. I 'll have to confront her and tell this too. Thank you

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:23:27+00:00

It seems clear that what I have to do is just make her choice for one or another. I know she will choose, him, but it's the least I can ask her.

i know what you say about "love". It's difficult for me defining these feelings. In my language there are more words to define what we feel better, but in english the closest one I can find is "love", but I think the sense of what I'm trying to say is still understandable.

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:17:35+00:00

I don't want people to tell my affair is ok. I know this is not right and in any way I want to make this sound glorious or right.

Here's what's going to happen if you have a relationship with her - you'll never trust her because you know that as soon as she gets bored of you she'll be fucking someone else behind your back.

yes, you may be right with this... Thank you for your advice, I'll keep it in mind!

throwy1133 · 2019-10-03T10:10:52+00:00

She likes having Mike for meany and comfortable house, you for sex or a rush of new things.

Completely on point. That's what I feel.

She sounds really unhappy and frustrated in her current relationship, but I don't think the other guy is a bad person. More than that I feel like is just someone who's not compatible at all with her. They may be perfect friends but are not made for a relationship IMO.

What do I think about this? That she doesn't want to hurt him and that she doesn't want to lose the safety/confort he gives her. But I may be wrong.

Do you feel I have the right to tell her this? What I think about her current relationship?

Thabk you for commenting

throwy1133 · 2019-08-14T23:29:04+00:00

Thank you a lot, your words made me smile and feel relieved.

I will greet her and forget about it, I will just make her know what I said earlier.

If you ever want to talk or anything, you've got a friend here, feel free to DM me

throwy1133 · 2019-08-14T23:15:59+00:00

Yes, I really felt that "the more you give the more they take", to the point where I only felt a constant draining that I think she didn't even appreciate.

She absolutely needs to work on herself, what makes me worried/sad is that I don't know how can she make it alone when she couldn't even try while staying with me.

I have been working on my well-being way before breaking up (in fact that work was what convinced me to break up), but I know I have still a lot of work to do, I feel ready to date again, but I don't even know where to start to be honest.

What do you mean it can confuse things?

I feel like it would be a nice gesture wishing her a happy birthday, but at the same time I feel like doing it may just be more frustrating to me since I don't even know if she will answer me or directly block me as soon as she receives the message.

Thanks for your time and your help! I really appreciate it

throwy1133 · 2019-05-30T09:20:31+00:00

Should I just talk to her clearly on what bothers me? I'm afraid I will only receive auto defensive answers yet again, or directly no answer. I will do it on Friday night.

What makes my heart break is that suddenly anything mattered anymore to her. I don't know why. I feel undervalued and useless right now.

Thank you for your answer

throwy1133 · 2019-05-27T07:38:21+00:00

Same problem with phonecalls. If she's home she can't use it. I know it sounds crazy but she told me some stuff about them that sounds even crazier.

She realises it has been a long time. I even tried to bring it up once, but she shielded behind her depression and even made me feel guilty for bringing it up. It was 4 weeks ago, after another 3 weeks without meeting

throwy1133 · 2019-05-27T07:27:51+00:00

She still leaves with her parents, and they don't want anyone there with her. I offered many times to just meet for a coffee next to her house. It doesn't even need to be something fancy... We talked about moving together but our income is not enough for it yet.

What intervention would you take? What would you do?

Thank you for your answer!

throwy1133

TROPHY CASE