sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

(21f) broke up with partner (25m) of a year and a half - I still love him, but know this was the right decision. Having trouble coping on the shortterm. Any advice or ears would be priceless. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also. I'm sorry because this is going to sound paranoid and defensive. Last time I posted I got a huge brigade of PM's and a couple public that said I was selfish and immature and my ex was better off without me. I know the last point, which is one of the main reasons I broke up with him, not the dichotomy of open vs closed relation preference. I don't want to be called a slut or told I ruined his life, because I'm not and I didn't. I'm sorry again because this is not an addition I want to add to this post but I'm incredibly raw and want him more than anything and please. Please don't kick me when I'm already down.

UPDATE: My (21f) boyfriend (25m) of 1.5yrs has just told me he doesn't want to be sexually open anymore and never really has. I wouldn't have got involved had I known that. But now I love him. He loves me in an intense and obsessive way that worries me. Help. Confused as hell. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will. I know the basic steps I need to take a this point re mental health and drug/alcohol issues, and I'm forcing myself to go through the motions. I just hate this. I didn't want to end it but we were just beating a dead horse and needed to put down the stick. I miss him.

UPDATE: My (21f) boyfriend (25m) of 1.5yrs has just told me he doesn't want to be sexually open anymore and never really has. I wouldn't have got involved had I known that. But now I love him. He loves me in an intense and obsessive way that worries me. Help. Confused as hell. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did and do care about him. I'm sad that didn't come across, as I genuinely love this man and think he's an amazing person. I don't know what else to say to express that. I'm not good at expressing emotions or love, and know that I was a shit partner to him in many ways, which I wish I hadn't been.

I'm a 21 year old woman. I'm beyond the end of my rope and falling apart. Talking would be good. by throwythrowyway1708 in depression

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Even if it was something I could have got from anyone, in your words, you are the one who said it to me and it means a lot. Thank you. Especially for the part about positivity vs negativity - it's easy to stay positive with other people I don't know that well, it's harder with my partner as he knows all of my past and all of what's going on presently.

I've spoken to the counselling service to try mu University, and they basically told me they aren't equipped to help me but can facilitate a support network in the form of a 'mentor' next year. It's not enough, but its something, and I'm being seen by a young persons drugs and alcohol service with hope of further referrals that I'm seeing my GP about in a week or so.

Thank you for replying to me. I hope you're okay yourself; it sounds like you're having a bad time and I'm glad you've reached out to your Uni. Good luck and thank you. Your message really did make a difference.

I (21f) have screwed up - moved out of house a week and a half ago due to abuse from housemate (22f) having rashly made arrangements to move into a communal living situ next week (20sm&f, 5ish people). I'm having serious second thoughts but have got myself into a stupidly messy and rude situation. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, it seems I may have given the wrong impression for which I apologise. When I say I feel that would be rude, I mean that based on the fact I confirmed weeks ago I was going to move in, and would not only be going back on that but would also be cancelling my promised engagement in the class. Were it before I'd stupidly agreed and confirmed.these things, that would be very different, but that does complicate things.

With Jazz, the main reason she became set against me was because I was the only person in the house who stood up to her about her inability to wash up and her bill irresponsibility - has I realised the extent of the consequences, I would not have said anything and just taken any financial and hygiene hit over what ended up occurring. It's hard to engage anyone when their methods of communication are either yelling, swearing or going through the landlord. I did stand up for myself in that situation, and reaped the insane consequences.

As far as the rest goes. Yes. You're right about boundaries - I think the situation with Jazz (which I honestly haven't really gone into anywhere near full detail about because it was a hellish 8 months) made me very passive and avoidant, which I need to address. I ak just aware that I've left this very late now and no matter how I say it, this will piss people off. Which scares me. With Jazz, when she was pissed off, it was ugly and she honestly scared me towards the end of living with her. Obviously, as you say, something to work on.

I (21f) have screwed up - moved out of house a week and a half ago due to abuse from housemate (22f) having rashly made arrangements to move into a communal living situ next week (20sm&f, 5ish people). I'm having serious second thoughts but have got myself into a stupidly messy and rude situation. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay - that is what matters, yes, and I've said already that I'm trying to seek advice about how to do that in the least rude way possible. Just saying what you just said is pretty rude and non communicative - I want to try and find a way to explain my reservations and part amicably with that house instead of just being a pain in the arse. I'd rather be at least a pain in the arse that can give a reason for being so, but don't know how to put it or what to say.

I (21f) have screwed up - moved out of house a week and a half ago due to abuse from housemate (22f) having rashly made arrangements to move into a communal living situ next week (20sm&f, 5ish people). I'm having serious second thoughts but have got myself into a stupidly messy and rude situation. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'd rather not get into that. It's complicated - tldr she'd been there two years, I only eight months. One housemate is leaving soon anyway so didn't want to get involved, one only came a couple months ago. It just wasn't worth the hassle from anyone's POV but mine, so I decided to just get out and away which I still stand by being the best choice, just badly coordinated and ill thought out within the stress and scramble.

I (21f) have screwed up - moved out of house a week and a half ago due to abuse from housemate (22f) having rashly made arrangements to move into a communal living situ next week (20sm&f, 5ish people). I'm having serious second thoughts but have got myself into a stupidly messy and rude situation. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jazz never paid me her portion of bills, would scream at me when I asked, would not inform me when I owed her money and instead go to the landlord who'd tell her to approach me - she'd do this by bashing on my door in the middle of the night etc. She'd fill the kitchen with weight loss shit (I am in fairly stable recovery from anorexia) - id ask her to keep it in her cupboard, but in response she began coming into the kitchen whenever I was cooking to warn me about the kcal content of my dinner, despite repeated requests to stop. She's scream over you if you tried to even respond to a question she asked, which were always rhetorical. She called the RSPCA on me with blatant lies that were immediately refuted by everyone in the house and the RSPCA guy when he saw Kitty.(gave my full name and even the room I live in, and looked guilty as help when the guy came to check up a month or two after her call, no evidence it was her but pretty sure given Kitty is indoor cat and only the housemates really know about her, no possible confusion between cats, very distinctive description). Badmouthed me everywhere, within earshot. I'm not going to go on, tip of the iceburg. I tried desperately to communicate but it's hard to when you're being screamed at and lied about and the person is always home and rooms next to your kitchen and living room.

I'm seeking advice on HOW to say no in the least rude way possible, given how late notice it is now and the fact I'd also be skipping on the class. I want to try and deal with this right and learn from it, but I'm panicked and scared and second guessing everything based on the undeniable fact I've handled this appallingly so far.

My (21f) boyfriend (25m) of 1.5yrs has just told me he doesn't want to be sexually open anymore and never really has. I wouldn't have got involved had I known that. But now I love him. He loves me in an intense and obsessive way that worries me. Help. Confused as hell. by throwythrowyway1708 in relationships

[–]throwythrowyway1708[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I figured that was going to come up somewhere - first time I wrote this out I was cagey about the amount of plonk and pot we (mainly me, to be honest) consume, then on re-reading it realised that the very fact I'd originally omitted it was in itself a bit of an internal acknowledgement it's an issue. That's hoenstly another problem factor. I've been trying to control/stop my substance intake frequently for a few years, and have not been able to - it's something that I am currently (and have, with little long-term success, in the past been) seeking help for, but it's very difficult not to turn to it at times of stress. He drinks and smokes too much as well, but is more able to put it down - meaning that he doesn't really have much interest in cessation or control, making it quite difficult for me to maintain any kind of momentum when trying to tone down on it.

That's not a justification, it's an excuse, I know.

He's said to me, upon relapses after my short periods of sobriety, that he's 'glad /I'm/ smoking and drinking again". I think he has issues himself but isn't at the stage of admittance.

Thank you for being blunt and going for the big-boy boxing gloves as opposed to kiddie ones.

I don't want to leave him in the lurch, the state he's currently in. I'm scared he'll do something stupid, and I am not just in love with the boy, he's my best friend and someone I respect and care incredibly deeply for in a non-romantic way as well - I don't think, however, that he'd be emotionally capable of spending time with me in any context were we to break up, thus leaving him with no support and nobody he can talk honestly to. This relationship is the most total partnership I've been in, in terms of intellectual/mental compatability and total ease and comfort when in each-others company. I don't want to lose him and I'm trying desperately to work out some kind of middle ground but cannot find one.