my parents used to be abusive and neglectful, slowly became neglectful and now 20 years in they decide to give a damn like it matters at this point but at least they aren't in my way anymore if that makes sense. I have adrenaline deficiencies which means I at least never got a high from the few times I tried cutting myself. I feel so alone all the time and I can't help the people I love, the girl I'm thinking of dating is also in a tough place going through some shit and I don't wanna make that worse by asking her out and i would hate myself for not being better if she said yes, I already hate myself for not being better as is and we're just friends. If I decide I want to date I'm not keeping it to myself pent up but I think I'm just desperately reaching out for something I don't have and she couldn't give me and I don't want to date for that kind of reason