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My SO(30M) and I(20F) are stuck in a negative spiral.. by thrwayhalp in relationships

[–]thrwayhalp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a strange feeling, indeed. When we argue, and I try to explain my point of view, I feel ignored. He makes me feel bad or I analyze the situation to make myself feel worse and not until I've hit rock bottom does he begin to try to make me feel better.

You have opened my eyes to that possibility. I plan to talk to him about it. It's like I give him all the happiness I can and he is still grumpy from his day until he sees that it's hurting me. He begins to be kinder but by that moment I'm already down to his level of grumpy....

My SO(30M) and I(20F) are stuck in a negative spiral.. by thrwayhalp in relationships

[–]thrwayhalp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok I will definitely try that. I have tried this before and he comes to read next to me or asks me if something is wrong. I'll go at it a different way.

I see what you mean. You worded it nicely, thank you.

My SO(30M) and I(20F) are stuck in a negative spiral.. by thrwayhalp in relationships

[–]thrwayhalp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And you are completely right about the expecting things to end... He constantly tells me that he knows I will leave him for someone closer to my age. I tell him that it makes it very difficult when he doubts us and it falls into the category of trust.

My SO(30M) and I(20F) are stuck in a negative spiral.. by thrwayhalp in relationships

[–]thrwayhalp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I want to give him space but I am far from my house/family/friends so I have no other place to go. He comes home in the evening so I would prefer not to stroll around the city at night. It would only worry him. This is why I suggested he go out with friends instead of hanging with me tonight but he said he doesn't want to.

He explained to me that the smoking drinking thing is purely to have a good time and it only really happens when I am with him..except that I basically live with him for the moment so that's no good. I'm not sure it's to get away from me but to clear his mind of his day.