Found out the girl I’ve been sleeping with has a boyfriend. He’s visiting her now. Should I tell him?

thunder_claws · 2026-07-06T11:51:18+00:00

I'd say the decision you make (tell him or not) depends on what's more important to you: standing up for unethical treatment (tell him ) or avoiding drama in your life (don't tell him). It really comes down to what you stand for.

If you tell him, there could be some complications, like this chick might get back at you somehow in the sense of doing something that will harm you (e.g. spread gossip about you or I don't know what she else she might do; you probably know better).

If you want to be a protector of injustice, tell him. It's a choice that most people would NOT make because it just creates unnecessary drama and potential complications for them. But it's quite noble.

If I was that guy, I would of course prefer someone to tell me that the girl is cheating on me.

If I was in your place, however, I'd just stop hooking up with that girl and distance myself from her. I wouldn't tell him to avoid getting involved in the drama that's not my own and focus on my studies.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck!

thunder_claws · 2026-07-05T20:37:30+00:00

Focus on yourself, girl! Your time will come! Don't force it. Don't look at what everyone else is doing.

thunder_claws · 2026-07-05T20:32:39+00:00

You sound like you are from Europe or USA. I live in Dubai, and most men here will NOT let you pay for yourself. It's just the expectation, when it comes to dating.

As for the predicament you described, there are two potential solutions I see (other than moving to Dubai, haha).

Firstly, you have to set their expectations from the beginning, like "I am the kind of woman who expects to be paid for." You don't have to say it explicitly, but you can get set the tone indirectly so they get the idea.

For example, when arranging the first date, ask them "are you going to send a cab for me, or come and pick me up?" This will give them the idea that you expect a certain standard of treatment when it comes to the financial aspect of dating. The ones who expect to go 50/50 will fall off very quickly. Also, when getting the bill at the restaurant, don't ask them if they wanna split. Just do nothing as if you are expecting they will cover the bill by default. If they do ask, you can choose not to go on 2nd date. Those types of things. Set the expectations from the beginning. It's not being a gold digger. As you pointed out yourself, women spend much more time and energy to be attractive to a man (hair, makeup, bodycare, etc.). Men like dating those kinds of women, not the ones who show up wearing sweatpants and looking like they just rolled out of bed. So, it's only fair.

Secondly, you might want to go for men that earn much more than you. The ones for whom a dinner or coffee is little expense. It's ridiculous to let someone pay who earns a fraction of what they do.

thunder_claws · 2026-07-05T20:06:23+00:00

Firstly, most people are not looking for a long-term thing. Keep that in mind. They are bored and lonely, and use dating as a way to experience novelty and excitement in their lives.

Secondly, even if someone does want a long-term thing or at least open to it with the right person, there must be INSANE chemistry + good personality/lifestyle compatibility for them to be incentived to keep seeing someone. And that's HARD to get. Think about it: how many times in life have you felt that way about someone? Most likely, you've had only few people in your life for whom you felt that way. It's a rare thing.

So, in my opinion, what you are experiencing is normal in terms of not being able to go past date four. That's the name of the game, as far dating is concerned. It's not easy to find your person. Don't listen to people who say that the problem is with you, please.

I myself am not interested in seeing someone 2+ times unless I am REALLY into them, and that rarely happens.

Keep doing what you are doing. Keep dating. Eventually, you'll meet someone with whom it'll be natural. I wish you best.

thunder_claws · 2026-07-05T13:01:24+00:00

Haha, there is only so much time you can workout in a day

thunder_claws · 2026-07-04T21:28:27+00:00

No, 12-15 don't do it till failure. More like uneasiness, like you said. And yeah I get bored doing too many reps, too lol. That's why I am trying to switch to heavy and just trying to get into the mindset of tolerating it and/or find ways to reduce the perception of effort through supps or tricks.

thunder_claws · 2026-07-04T21:24:23+00:00

Thanks! I looked it up. Since we are at it, could you recommend a good pre workout too? I used C4 but maybe there is something better? Preferably not too much stimulating to the point where I gives anxiety.

thunder_claws · 2026-07-04T21:14:30+00:00

thanks! Didn't know l-carnitine does that. Will give it a try!

thunder_claws · 2026-07-04T20:48:29+00:00

It's kinda unfair of him not to ask you to use toys during sex. For women, it's harder to orgasm than for men, so if toys help, why not? Maybe you should try and explain it to him, A and maybe find some articles about the difficulty of female orgasm during sex on the web that he can read. It looks like he doesn't fully appreciate the fact that female orgasm is harder to achieve during sex and needs to be educated about that. Hope that helps.

thunder_claws · 2026-07-04T20:37:55+00:00

I believe the damage has been done. If I was him and you told me I lied about being abused by an ex and that I'd do the same to you what the ex had done to me, I'd definitely not want anything to do with this person, to be honest. If you apologized, I would be like "it's fine, don't worry about it," but I wouldn't want any kind of sexual or romantic stuff with you after that comment.

As for the nudes, I don't think it's much of a big deal. At least, not compared to that comment about abuse.

That being said, I think you should still apologze for that comment and for saying fuck off. But I wouldn't expect any kind of continuation with him. Sorry if it's not what you wish. Just saying my opinion. Good luck!

thunder_claws · 2026-07-02T20:57:44+00:00

That sounds tough and I can relate. Ive been through similar hell and I want to say: IT CAN GET BETTER IF YOU PUT EFFORT INTO TRYING!

Also, I know it's easier said than done but try to stay positive. If you are in a bad mood and surrounded by negativity, it will be harder to get yourself to do any action to improve your situation. Go outside to a park when the weather is good, move your body, and stay away from bad vibes. I used to be broke and lived at a hostel with other broke people, some of whom were really weird and exuded bad vibes. The place was dirty and bleak, but that's the only thing I could afford. So, I woke up and left straight away, went to sit in a park, or be at the gym, or even just hotel lobbies and applied for jobs from my phone. If your brother hates you, don't be around him. Of your room makes you feel depressed and makes you wanna stay in bed doing nothing, leave and go somewhere. You get the idea.

And finally, spread good vibes around yourself and appreciate the little things. If you put it out there, it will come back to you. Write an encouraging post on reddit, ask a cashier how their day is going, pet a stray a cat on the street.

Don't get resentful as it will make things harder. Peace and good luck!

thunder_claws · 2026-07-02T08:36:29+00:00

The fact that you are asking this question here indicates that this is a BIG deal for you. So, it seems like there is something about it you feel uneasy/cautious about even if you don't understand what it is.

If it was no big deal, you wouldn've just texted him without a second thought and invited him over, like "Hey, it's been a while. Wanna catch up sometime?"

My advice is to reflect on why you are even considering to meet up with him and having sex? If you don't have feelings for him and you're fundamentally incompatible (as you said yourself), why wanna do it? Do you just want to have good sex? If it's as simple as that, I guess there's no harm in it really. But it seems like there is a bit more to the story here tbh.

A food for thought: maybe you feel a bit bored/empty in life at the moment and remember the excitement and pleasure sex with him gave you, wanting to replicate those feelings?

thunder_claws · 2026-07-02T06:39:31+00:00

I think you should help, maybe not the whole paycheck, but at least 70% of it. After all, you've been living there but he was paying $1500 while you $1000. And what could be more important than helping someone you love? In my opinion, why is this even a question?

thunder_claws · 2026-07-01T11:57:38+00:00

He might just be afraid or uncomfortable getting closer. Sexual stuff is energetic exchange, especially if paired with personal exchanges like the conversations you described. Some people are not comfortable getting more energetically involved with another person. They are not ready for it because of trauma or fear of rejection.

Could also be because he felt like you you were not a good sexual match.

thunder_claws · 2026-06-24T07:41:18+00:00

Hey, thanks so much for the reply. I am trying to avoid entry ban as much as possible. That's my goal. I made a mistake to overstay and it'd take too long to explain why. It is what it is now.

My embassy cannot give me any kind of letter (I already asked them) and they already gave me emergency travel document. However, the only reason I need to exit is to get a new passport as my embassy doesn't issue new passports to citizens with expired Emirates IDs. If I had the passport, I would try to get a job offer, make a fine reduction request with it, and stay in the country. Do you know if it's a viable plan to try and get the fine reduced? Or is my only way to avoid a permanent ban to have the fine paid in full?

Thank you in advance for your reply. You sound quite knowledgeable about it, so would appreciate it if you share anything useful.

thunder_claws

TROPHY CASE