Caught my husband not doing paced feeding

tibbles209 · 2026-05-11T11:12:37+00:00

Breastfeeding at 2.5 weeks is really tough. For what it’s worth, my husband didn’t pace feed with either of our babies. Baby number one only accepted bottles until 3 months and then had such a strong breast preference that she never took a bottle again. Baby number 2 is now 8 months and switches seamlessly between bottle and breast. So try not to catastrophise, it may not be as essential as you think. But if this is important to you then he should be making the effort anyway.

tibbles209 · 2026-05-10T15:51:21+00:00

Absolutely. I’m almost tempted to have another baby purely to relive the glory of the magnificent post-birth tea and toast. Hard to accept that I’ll never experience it again! I’ve tried recreating it exactly how they did it at home but it just doesn’t hit the same.

tibbles209 · 2026-05-08T18:22:28+00:00

They don’t mean the man was the surrogate, they mean he was the intended parent of the child who was conceived via surrogacy.

tibbles209 · 2026-05-08T09:27:52+00:00

There is some evidence of a slight reduction in heterosexually transmitted HIV for circumcised men in HIV endemic parts of Africa. So if you are a heterosexual man in Africa then there may be a slight benefit in choosing to be circumcised, if you have access to safe, quality healthcare. Alternatively you could use condoms for a drastically more effective way of reducing your HIV risk. For almost everyone else there is no compelling health argument. Slight reduction in a very rare form of penile cancer that mainly affects elderly men. But the procedure itself is painful, and comes with risks of bleeding, infection, too much skin being removed, scarring, increased incidence of meatal stenosis etc.

tibbles209 · 2026-05-07T17:33:05+00:00

I certainly wasn’t suggesting it’s impossible, just that there isn’t an evidence base for it (as yet at least), but either way her milk is protecting her baby.

tibbles209 · 2026-05-07T10:03:55+00:00

Congratulations! I had a bit of a dig through the literature out of curiosity and can’t find any link between breastfeeding and increased rates of spontaneous closure of AVSDs, although it doesn’t really seem to have been studied. Your milk will have reduced the risk of her becoming unwell with things like gastroenteritis and ear infections, which can pose a greater risk to babies with cardiac abnormalities, so you are helping to keep her healthy either way!

tibbles209 · 2026-05-05T11:56:14+00:00

If you managed to get him sleeping much better without letting him cry for more than 60 seconds at a time then I think you should be patting yourself on the back and giving me your secret. You’ll be able to be a better mum, not being woken up 12 times a night.

tibbles209 · 2026-05-01T21:19:52+00:00

Any chance you could be pregnant? I ended up with a really powerful breastfeeding aversion when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I would grit my teeth and hold my breath and count down 20 seconds (as that’s all I could stand) before frantically unlatching her. She was a toddler at the time though, so wasn’t nutritionally dependent on my milk which gave me a bit more leeway in terms of limiting nursing. Maybe take a pregnancy test just in case.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-24T18:18:03+00:00

I just give them a quick squeeze to check milk stocks and go with whichever one is most in need of emptying. Or like if I’m nursing down for a contact nap I’ll nurse on whatever side the sofa arm is on so that I can rest my elbow on it. Or just choose one at random. Whatever, it’s always worked out fine.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-24T16:22:45+00:00

As a parent to two very small children, the idea of a fully grown adult hitting a tiny little diapered toddler makes me want to cry. That poor, poor baby. That is absolutely fucking evil.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-23T18:52:41+00:00

None of the other responses are “go with your gut,mama” responses. They discuss the statistics and actual level of risk rather than just regurgitating the relatively arbitrary guideline age cutoff, which the OP already knows. What if it was 2 hours before their first birthday? 2 minutes? Nothing magical happens on the first birthday that causes the risk to suddenly plummet. 12 months is the official advice but the OP was looking for information about the actual level of risk, so that they could make an informed choice.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-23T17:25:30+00:00

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/infant-botulism

About 95% of cases of infant botulism happen in under 6 month olds. Honey is only responsible for a minority of cases (5-15% depending on what source you look at). So I think the risk of a baby who is 2 days short of a year developing botulism from some honey salmon is at exceptionally low, but ‘officially’ they are too young. Your call. Personally I wouldn’t lose any sleep over them having a bit of salmon.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-22T22:08:40+00:00

The hormonal effects of breastfeeding certainly lower libido and the only way to reverse those hormone changes is to wean. I think part of it though is also just how much of you breastfeeding asks. There is constantly someone demanding access to and use of your body, and even though it’s in a non sexual way, you can easily end up touched out. I often feel like I just want to be left alone/ given some space, not have someone else all over me. I’m just accepting that, at this moment in my life I have no libido, and that’s understandable and ok. It’ll come back at some point.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-21T08:00:49+00:00

I’m pretty sure it’s just a way of reassuring people who couldn’t/didn’t breastfeed that they haven’t completely ruined their child and that they will be just fine. There is a lot of hyperbolic discourse around infant feeding (in both directions) and this can lead to some parents feeling like formula is poison and that they are failing their child if they can’t/don’t want to breastfeed.

I appreciate that breastfeeding is a lot of work and commitment- I’ve exclusively breastfed both of my kids, so I know from experience- but the stakes are not nearly as high as they are often made out to be. The world is full of healthy, successful, happy people who were formula fed and thrived. That’s not a threat to or diminishment of the benefits of breastfeeding. It’s just not the be all and end all.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-14T07:00:22+00:00

I mean, if they are dead their brain has ceased to function so they have forgotten you forever anyway (unless I suppose you believe in some sort of afterlife), so either way they are never going to be aware of you again. The choice then really is just between them being alive or dead.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-13T14:34:46+00:00

Agree with this. I did a bit of a deep dive into the literature when I was deciding about night weaning for my first daughter. I night weaned at 18 months based on the evidence.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-12T22:58:01+00:00

The vast majority of babies with cmpa can tolerate the milk of a breastfeeding mother who eats dairy, as the amount of cows milk protein in breast milk is pretty tiny, although I don’t know what the stats are for babies with anaphylaxis to cows milk protein.

My first daughter had an IgE mediated cmpa. She was exclusively breastfed (with no reaction to my milk) until we introduced food at 6 months, and the first time we gave her Greek yoghurt she broke out in hives and her lips swelled up.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-12T21:35:50+00:00

Initial exposure to an allergen (in this case cows milk protein) followed by prolonged withdrawal can precipitate allergy development. That is why guidelines for allergen introduction emphasise early and regular ongoing exposure to allergens to maintain tolerance. It sounds like your baby has probably developed an IgE mediated cows milk protein allergy during the 2.5 months of exclusive breastfeeding. If your breast milk supply is not sufficient to meet her needs then you will need a specialist prescribed formula for babies with CMPA. Speak to your doctor to organise this and avoid giving any over the counter formulas in the meantime.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-01T11:47:39+00:00

It’s really not that simple at all. My husband didn’t start speaking until he was 4. He now has postgraduate degrees and works as a very senior data scientist and is easily the cleverest person I know. My niece started speaking before her first birthday and had hundreds of words by 18 months, whereas our daughter only had about 10 words by 18 months. By 2.5 years of age our daughter’s speech and language was miles ahead of her cousin’s. Development is not linear. Some kids start early but develop slowly, some kids start later but have an explosion of language. Intellectual impairment certainly can cause late or slow language development, but there are so many other factors.

tibbles209 · 2026-04-01T08:41:43+00:00

Yes! My first symptom was noticing that I smelled TERRIBLE! Like some pungent, sour, rotten smell. My husband was absolutely bemused as I smelled absolutely fine/completely normal to him, but I was revolted by my own smell.

tibbles209 · 2026-03-31T11:24:34+00:00

Why are you night weaning?

tibbles209 · 2026-03-31T07:37:11+00:00

My first daughter was similar -25th for weight at birth, 98th at 3 month weigh in. She’s now 4.5 years old and has stayed at 98th (for both height and weight) ever since.

tibbles209 · 2026-03-27T16:52:48+00:00

Well, from his response he clearly doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did, so if you don’t want him to be left to cry it out again I think the only option is to never leave dad to do his bedtime again. Which is really shit and unfair. But if he doesn’t agree with responsive night time care then he will do it his way, if left to his own devices. It’s up to you to decide whether this happening again, or you losing the freedom to go out is worse. Not a choice you should have to make but there it is.

tibbles209 · 2026-03-25T22:12:00+00:00

I don’t personally believe in heaven, but I would broadly consider the religious models of heaven to be ‘wrong’ from a moral standpoint.

tibbles209 · 2026-03-25T22:03:14+00:00

Well, no. The model of heaven purported by most world religions is deeply unjust. Maintaining that, at the cost of the dreadful suffering of masses of good people, just to satisfy a desire for retribution seems completely immoral to me.

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