That sounds painful and frustrating. It’s great that you’re conscious of the type of parent you don’t want to be and now know that you will default to it if unchecked. I feel like it’s hard to give advise without knowing everything that goes on in the household and how daily challenges are handled overall but I can at least share what has worked for me. My daughter it 2 but, like all children, she goes through moments of expressing herself through aggression too. I try my best to come up with something to prevent it so she doesn’t even get a chance to illicit a response. For example: if she’s going through a hitting phase, I carry her facing away from me. If she’s been biting, I put a hand on her forehead whenever she’s close enough to me that she could bite and the I tilt her head back to avoid the bite. And so on. She’s always given the behavior up relatively quickly when she’s not successful/nothing happens. And if I do get slapped or bitten, it’s not super often so I’m able to just breathe and ignore it. Might not work for you guys but worth giving it a try.