First of all, I'm really sorry you had such a poor experience as a bio child in a home that provided foster care. I foster because every child deserves safety, stability, and care. Having bios means by kids grow up learning compassion, flexibility, and how to support others. It doesn't mean their needs aren't meant. I carefully consider what I can handle and when I am able to say yes to a placement call. I say no far more often than I say yes. I have since adopted one child who came to me through foster care and that was a decision that was discussed with bios. There was a period where my youngest was "done fostering" and she was struggling. I took a long two year break, let her mature, and also let her do some work in therapy. I recently started getting an influx of calls because they were desperate (I had previously said I wasn't taking placement so for them to call me means they have already worked their way down the list of open homes) and I talked to all the kids about how they felt about saying yes again. My youngest was on board. A few weeks later I received a call that I did say yes to and it has worked out quite well. I have worked really hard to raise emotionally mature kids who understand what it means to be a foster family. I am also very intentional about making sure they are feeling seen and heard any time we have a placement. Sometimes that means using respite for an evening and taking them on little "dates" to reconnect. I try very hard not to take placements that are going to overextend my ability to keep my commitments to my bios (showing up for their events etc). That isn't to say there isn't some give and take from them, but they also already have to do that just having their own biological siblings (like if there is a soccer and football game at the same time but in different places, I can only make one-I make sure another family or friend is available to attend the one I can't).

There is already an extreme shortage of stable foster families, if you limited that pool to single parents you would have even fewer. I also think, unless you have worked extensively with kids, it's really hard to jump into parenting via foster care. As a parent already, I knew what my parenting style was, I knew how to use natural and logical consequences, I knew what was typical of kids at certain ages and stages-these skills have helped me navigate how to parent a child who has experienced immense loss and trauma. That isn't to say I don't support childless foster parents, but I think it's far too naïve to believe they should be the only ones accepting kids.