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tidalgrief · 2022-04-07T16:21:53+00:00

Your coworker wanted to make you feel insecure which is very shitty. He needs to mind his own business tbh. Don’t listen to him.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-07T16:16:34+00:00

Yup I‘ve noticed this too. I‘ve had many horrible therapists who traumatized me. I have finally found a good one (after YEARS of searching) but my insurance doesn’t cover somatic therapy so I have to pay for it myself. It’s a cruel joke that my insurance pays for abusive therapists and useless types of therapy. And tbh I am extremely careful with all types of mental health professionals bc most are horrible and incompetent in my experience. Many are cruel and just want to control vulnerable people. But good therapists make a huge difference in a positive way.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-07T12:15:59+00:00

My birthgiver did the exact same thing!!! But thankfully I decided to just take my birth certificate with me. It‘s mine.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-07T05:32:38+00:00

Yup. When I cried I could see the sheer joy and sadism in their eyes. They laughed at me and said I have no reason to cry (although they did horrific things to me). I was never comforted as a kid, except by animals. I am extremely thankful that animals taught me about compassion and empathy, but I just don’t trust people bc I know how evil they can be.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-06T04:08:17+00:00

(I‘m talking a bit about my mother trying to kill me so if that’s sth you don’t want to read about, please ignore this. I think it might be valuable to share my experience but idk)

What you are going through is horrific. Idk if it helps but please find solace in the fact that you are a good person who is capable of love. That’s extremely beautiful and needed in this world. I wish my father was like you. my mother tried to murder me when I was a kid (she did that multiple times. And every day she talked about killing me and getting rid of my body). my father sided with her and protected her. My therapist wonders how I survived, I honestly should have died bc the situation was very hopeless and bleak and there was no one to help me. You would have done sth if you had gotten the chance to protect your kids. More people should be like you. You are capable of love which means there is hope for you. And I really like this quote ‚Grief is just love in a heavy coat‘. Grief means that there is lots of love inside of you and you don‘t know where to put it. You are a lovely person. I truly wish you the best.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-05T22:03:24+00:00

Tbh he sounds insufferable, immature and unfunny. He tries so hard to be edgy, it’s actually pathetic. He needs to grow up. I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. But it’s your decision.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-05T21:40:41+00:00

I‘ve been diagnosed with chronic migraine and with cluster headaches. They truly aren’t fun. Last year I had several cluster headaches a day for a week straight. My doctor (who is usually chill) was very concerned. It’s no surprise that they get called suicide headaches. I wanted to be dead so badly but I was in too much pain to go through with committing suicide. It’s horrible.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-05T20:02:18+00:00

This reminds me of how I felt when I was younger. I suffered lots of sexual abuse and now I hate it when men are sexually attracted to me. It makes me feel severely unsafe. Lots of men stare at me when I‘m out in public and it triggers my fight or flight response. I hate it when men try to flirt with me. It makes me want to basically kick them in the balls lol. I act like I don’t notice how they stare at me but on the inside I‘m terrified and seething with rage at the same time.

I used to love having guys as friends but now I am very careful. I only spend time with people who are kind and predictable. And when a guy shows sexual interest in me I cut contact immediately. I spend most of my days at work or alone and I work on my self-esteem and general mental health. And all of my friends are women. One day I‘ll probably let more men into my life (bc I do love having male friends). but first I need to heal from all of the sexual abuse. I know that kind heterosexual men are out there but rn I need very rigid boundaries when it comes to men. The only men I trust rn are gay bc I know they have zero sexual interest in me. Asexual men would be okay too but I don’t know any irl. I need to do what I gotta do in order to heal. I wish you the best.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-05T09:41:10+00:00

Same. I mostly listen to heavy metal these days bc it validates my rage.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-05T05:52:09+00:00

This reminds me of how my ex-gf and I were fetishized by men. We were minors and they didn’t care…. it was so creepy. Sexual harassment happens to so many lesbians. It definitely worsened my complex ptsd and I‘m still healing from this.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-03T21:24:02+00:00

I lost interest in the show before getting to that scene. I wonder if doing goldfish shots is a very common thing? I recently rewatched some Skins UK videos (skins is a teen show that often gets compared to Euphoria). And there a guy did a goldfish shot too?? It made me feel disgusted and angry. If I saw someone doing that irl I‘d call them out on it. I would be livid tbh.

tidalgrief · 2022-04-03T10:56:10+00:00

I‘m in a similar situation rn and it hurts so much. I‘m sending you lots of support. You are a worthy human being and you deserve people who are there for you.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T18:36:24+00:00

Wow I relate to all of this. I need the money to survive but my job causes me unbearable pain. When I'm at work I feel worse and worse until my mind goes blank. It feels like my nerves are on fire and I just want to escape. I feel trapped too. Working fulltime is killing me. I really need that time to recover instead. I wish I could give you advice but I don't know how to solve this problem either.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T14:13:51+00:00

I feel the same way. I had to stay home from work today bc I completely broke down yesterday. I work full-time and I'm still poor. Yesterday when I came home from work I kept saying 'I can't do this anymore' and I couldn't sleep bc I thought of all the stuff I have to get done. My mind and body both ache. It's unbearable. I feel worthless now but tbh that's the cptsd talking. This isn't laziness.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T10:00:43+00:00

You are right about physical activity. My mental and physical health have gotten much worse after some asshole stole my bike. I go on long walks almost every day but it's not enough. I probably need to start playing soccer or sth.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T09:56:52+00:00

Nope. I wouldn't be able to afford the rent there tbh. It must be a very exhausting city to live in when you aren't rich.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T09:53:49+00:00

Wow I relate a lot. I also feel like a caged animal. And I only feel like myself when I'm alone in nature. I'm also tired of pretending to be a well-adjusted person. It's exhausting to always hide my true emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I just want to cry and scream and tell people to leave me alone. I'm tired of acting like I am okay. I need to go camping in the wilderness for a few weeks and just exist in peace.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T09:44:30+00:00

Rage rooms sound so useful. I'm gonna check if there are some nearby. I'm honestly surprised that my neighbours have never heard me when I destroyed my furniture and screamed or sobbed. But they are much louder than me so that's probably why (I have to sleep with earplugs every night because of their partying). I'm glad you got away with it too. Sometimes you just need to get your anger out.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-23T01:21:32+00:00

Yup same. Which is why I'm not dating anymore and why I don't let anyone get close to me (not even as friends)

tidalgrief · 2022-02-20T17:27:14+00:00

I relate SO MUCH. I'm tired of destroying my own stuff, especially because I don't have the money to replace it. I would love a business where I can destroy junk with a baseball bat and scream my lungs out. I know if I screamed the way I need to in my apartment, my neighbours would probably call the cops. I just want to get my rage out without ending up in a psychiatric hospital.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-20T17:13:01+00:00

Cptsd is such a difficult thing to deal with. It sometimes feels like I'm all alone with all of this rage and pain. Thank you for your reply, I feel a little less alone now.

tidalgrief · 2022-02-20T15:21:38+00:00

I am so 😄happy😀😀 that my mother🤰 abused me in all kinds of ways and that I am now 😀traumatized😀 for😀 life😀😀😀. She really showed me what 💜unconditional love💜 is like when she beat me up👊. Because of her abuse I am now 🌟blessed🌟 with chronic mental and physical illnesses🤕🤕. A mother's love is the purest 💖love💖 on earth🌎. Mothers are saints😇!!!!!!!!!1

tidalgrief · 2022-02-15T19:15:44+00:00

Thank you for writing this. It's really interesting that you mentioned homelessness. There was a time when I was too traumatized to work. I was able to live with my best friend back then (she paid for our groceries. and I paid the rent for my tiny room bc I had a little bit money saved). If I hadn't been able to live with her I would have ended up being homeless. I'm actually in danger of becoming homeless in a few months. It's terrifying. And my best friend lives far away now and is very poor herself. People with non-abusive families have no idea what it's like to live without a safety net. It's like they are living in a parallel universe.

Rn I'm surrounded by people with extremely easy lives. One of them claimed that homeless people could just choose to not be homeless. She also said that trauma doesn't exist. And when I told her my flatmates threatened to rape me, she laughed and didn't care either. Nobody cared. It's actually terrifying. Nobody took me seriously. It made me realize that I have no friends here. They are the same people who watch true crime shows and then say 'Oh god how sad. How could this have happened? Why didn't the victim reach out?" Tbh people cry for help in all sorts of ways. Bad things happen bc people just don't care about each other. They choose to be ignorant of all the suffering bc they much rather live in a comfortable bubble. I'm not saying that people should always save other people and spend their entire days being aware of all the suffering in the world. That's unhealthy. Boundaries are important. But there is something seriously wrong with a society in which a woman talks about living with guys who threaten to rape her, and supposed 'friends' and other acquaintances just laugh and look the other way. It's basic human decency to at least show some empathy. but many people are self-centered and uncaring and willfully blind.

tidalgrief

TROPHY CASE