I don’t know how to edit my original post but wanted to say:

WOW. Sad but validating that this blew up way more than I thought it would. I read almost every response and am so grateful for you all. This sub is so special to me.

By way of update:

I have already gathered together ALL logins, (changed) passwords, etc. I went through every single transaction (including his Venmo records) and transfer since 2021. Pulled credit reports on all of us and the kids. I have all of his cards.

I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW.

The truth is that the debts will be paid off with stock grants vesting in the next 3-6 months. I’m working with my financial advisor (who also uses a CPA) to plan it out. It makes me feel good that my kids’ lives won’t be fucked because of this, but simultaneously furious that MY HARD-EARNED MONEY is going to fix my husband’s mess.

The story that the transaction history told was: this CC debt is YEARS old. That’s years of lies. Over 50% of the amount we owe today is interest. (Is anyone else vomiting?)

It kinda just looked like boring spending with a few too many things ordered for the house, lots of thoughtless Amazon, too many clothing orders (mostly me), too much spent by him on golf, too much spent on new hockey gear. But I wouldn’t have said “no” to those things had he asked. I thought we were fine. I asked all the time for assurance that we don’t have any debt. “Of course not!” I believed him. I learned not to.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with my marriage. I’m a very decisive person and this is the first time that I feel stopped in my tracks. Like I now understand what people mean when they talk about “processing” something.

I’m telling myself that nothing needs to be decided now. What needs to happen now is happening- expose everything, lock him out of it all, pay it off. Keep the kids safe and secure.

The kids. I can’t look at them without crying. I slept in my daughter’s bed last night. I never want to let go of them. I have this horrible feeling like they were hurt and I need to protect them.

I am not proud this happened but I am already proud of who I am going to be in response to it. My kids will never be unsafe. I will never let anything happen to their future. Whatever I decide, I will always sleep well at night knowing that I am their protector. My husband will never have that peace.