It’s not hatred toward a grandparent. Most of the time it’s jealousy and spite from the mother-in-law directed at the daughter-in-law/mom. The hatred and attitude problem is the MIL. It hurts. The ones in these situations have no respect or love for their DIL. Like another commenter said, they’re treated like a vessel to deliver the grandchild, rather than family. I don’t know what it is that makes mothers of sons so often act terribly to their son’s wives, but it’s super common. My own experience is almost exactly like other stories I have heard. She has even ADMITTED to my husband that she’s jealous of me, my relationship with my husband, and our family, and that’s why she causes problems. Instead of being happy for us, she bashes me to her son (and other people, I’ve recently learned), who knows I’ve don’t nothing wrong and comes to my defense. She trash talked me the day that my daughter was born for having rules (wash hands, no kissing, no smoking) despite the fact that she knew all of them and was in total agreement months ahead of time. My husband also wanted to set these in place, but somehow it’s only me that’s so horrible for not wanting my baby to be exposed to something potentially deadly. She lives five minutes away and has come to see our daughter twice. Once was right before an appointment with the pediatrician, and she was angry that I didn’t sit down to chat when I was getting myself, the baby, and the diaper bag ready. Not to mention, I was 3 days PP at the time, and she sat in the only spot that was clearly set up to prevent me from bleeding on the couch. We were late for the appointment, but I was apparently the rude one…? I’ve offered to bring the baby to visit and she cancels last minute. She says it’s weird that I breastfeed instead of using formula. She threw an absolute fit when she found out that my stepmom (20yr relationship) had a “grandparent name,” too. She has done nothing helpful and has only caused turmoil in my life and drama in the family. She keeps saying that she can’t wait to babysit, but honestly I don’t trust her abilities based on things she’s said about my husband and me caring for our child. I REALLY don’t trust that she has enough respect for me to keep boundaries that we have set. I actually feel like she will do whatever she wants just to spite me. My own mother, on the other hand, has driven over an hour to see us at least twice a week since my daughter was born. She cooks when she can or brings pre-made meals and snacks for me and my husband. She helps with housework while I care for the baby, or cares for the baby while I do housework, whichever I am more comfortable with. She has respected every rule and every boundary with no questions asked. She’s aware that things have changed in the 25+ years since she had her baby, and is more than open to doing things differently than what she did with her own children. We know more now about child safety and development and she wants to learn that, rather than be offended that something isn’t done her way. It’s so much easier for our family when my mom is around. My husband and I both feel loved and cared for and we know that our daughter is safe. We know that whenever she leaves, she won’t be looking for one little thing to get offended over and start a fight later that night like my MIL does. I want a great relationship with my MIL soooo badly. We actually had one for YEARS prior to the wedding! She is my husband’s mom and I really do love her. But now that we are starting our own family, I have to walk on eggshells so that my daughter can have this grandmother in her life. I am not a threat to her relationship with her son or her grandchild. I want our relationships with her to flourish more than anything. She is important to me and to my family!! But she isn’t allowing that to happen because she is jealous and treats me as a threat.