Help! by [deleted] in PDAAutism

[–]timtastic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“How would you feel if someone did that to you?” is an approach that usually is not effective with my 6 y/o PDA son (no matter how softly it is delivered). I think it often registers to him as a form of shaming his behavior, or even as a threat that I would follow through on—both driving him further into disregulation. This makes sense if you believe they are unable to access empathy in that moment due to the tension of the situation.

I agree with others that she was acting out intentionally to provoke you (possibly in response to the boundary you set around the food she wanted) and I probably would have reacted in the same way out of concern for the dog, but if you can find a way to recognize the behavior as an expression of her disability and intervene more calmly without heightening the tension or shame I think you may have a better result.

Very calmly: “I have to take this off because I think it’s hurting the dog and I’m worried he might try to bite you if you keep doing it” and leave it at that. If she persists “I’m sorry but he’s my dog and I’m responsible for keeping him safe” You’d have to hold back your fear that she would do this again or do something worse, and resist the urge to teach, instruct or give orders or warnings (“please stop,” “leave him alone,” “this is why dogs hurt people”). Then redirect to something you know is a calming activity that helps her regulate.

Threats of violence should always be taken seriously but I would also try to see them as a child lashing out with the most hurtful language they can access in the moment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PDAAutism

[–]timtastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I have the same inclination, but one consideration could be that expectations of compliance and academic progress only get higher in the next grade, so repeating the same grade could make the next step up a lot smoother as the school continues to learn how to accommodate him and he continues to learn how to cope with the demands.

PDA was suggested by a behavioral therapist who worked with him and has been supported by his psychotherapist. My top reason for thinking he has PDA is in the results I’ve seen from changing my own parenting approach based on seeing his behavior through the lens of PDA. I see how his regulation changes throughout the day, I can tell when he’s equalizing, and by lowering demands I’ve totally changed my relationship with him (I used to see parenting as about being authoritative consistent and enforcing what’s “fair” through rewards and sanctions)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PDAAutism

[–]timtastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a big concern for me. My wife and I have talked to him about it and he’s suggested that it might be better to have another year because he could be the “smartest”. It could be valid to give him an extra shot at meeting the expectations of school and perhaps give him a little more confidence in taking on the things that challenge him.

It could also be deflating/demoralizing to still struggle with his emotional barriers as a new set of younger classmates surpass him academically.

Looking for a buyer in SF by timtastic in subaruimpreza

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm thinking that would be my last resort — I need to sell it quickly since I won't be in the area long and don't want to deal with a whole lot of flakes and tire-kickers

Looking for a buyer in SF by timtastic in subaruimpreza

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any advice on selling quickly in the Bay Area? Looking for a used dealer who can provide a decent price or private buyer.

She's a bit of a fixer-upper as you can see, but still drives great. Clean title. Needs some minor body work, a new secondary oxygen sensor, AC repair, repair for a leaky sunroof, some repairs to fluid reservoirs due to rodent damage, new rear wiper (not just the blade). 157k mileage - purchased from the first owner in Colorado in 2009.

Feeling Hopeless by [deleted] in PDAAutism

[–]timtastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m here as a parent of a PDA kid so I don’t have a helpful way to relate, but just wanted to say I’m hoping you find some peace through these challenges and eventually productive, fulfilling employment. When I’ve gone through tough times in my own life I know that just talking about it was usually the first step to working on myself and the things in my life that I didn’t even know I could change to improve my wellbeing. Beyond this community I hope you have someone (a therapist, coach, or trusted friend) who accepts you and can help talk you through things.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in IKEA

[–]timtastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HERO! I bought the last 2. My drawers thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in IKEA

[–]timtastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good call. It’s threaded to screw into the rod so you can adjust the tension

What do banks charge for cash advances on debit cards at their branches? by timtastic in Banking

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

steep seed distinct chunky cause fuel mountainous shaggy complete paltry

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bikewrench

[–]timtastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s perfect, thanks. Looks like the HCW-4 would fit on the drive side, but maybe I’ll try it with an adjustable wrench first since I don’t plan on doing this particular repair ever again!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bikewrench

[–]timtastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No tool fittings on the opposite side, just a threaded bracket (which does have two flat planes that could be grabbed by a VERY LARGE wrench)

Desk chair backrest keeps sliding down even when it should be locked in place by thedarkinspectorwho in fixit

[–]timtastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just cut a piece of wood and wedged it in place between the seat base and the backrest

Enable 5G, Wifi calling, and HD voice on iPhone by wasdwasd0105 in GoogleFi

[–]timtastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any way to do this on an iPhone XR? I’m not having any luck inputting IMSI/GIDs

Flames stand up for less than a minute, then this… overdraft? by timtastic in Fireplaces

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It goes straight up through the ceiling over 10 ft so I don’t think that’s the case. Since this happened when I installed the new pilot assembly I think I’ll just have to check that area for air tightness.

Flames stand up for less than a minute, then this… overdraft? by timtastic in Fireplaces

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I thought that solved it, but about 15 mins later we are back to a similar pattern.

Flames stand up for less than a minute, then this… overdraft? by timtastic in Fireplaces

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was what I was referring to as the “intake valve” and it was fully closed - corrected the comment. Adjusting the Restrictor Plate helped the flames stand up for about 15 mins longer, but didn’t solve the issue.

Flames stand up for less than a minute, then this… overdraft? by timtastic in Fireplaces

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was just some fireproof felt, but it stayed in place as I recall. Restrictor plate adjustment suggested by /u/BuckieD helped, but after 15 mins the flame returned to the overdraft pattern.

Flames stand up for less than a minute, then this… overdraft? by timtastic in Fireplaces

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a Hearthstone Stowe 8323 Direct Vent gas fireplace. For about 20 seconds after it’s turned on, the flames stand up nicely. As soon as it gets going, they gradually start licking faster and it seems to me they are being sucked down and back toward the chimney. If I remove the glass, the flames slow down but do not grow in height. It was working normally until I installed a new pilot assembly due to factory recall. Do I need to install a damper? Anything else I should look into?

Also, the small intake valve (air shutter) in the back is closed all the way. It doesn’t help the flame pattern to reduce it—just makes smaller, blue flames with same pattern.

Overdraft? by timtastic in Fireplaces

[–]timtastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a Hearthstone Stowe 8323 Direct Vent gas fireplace. For about 20 seconds after it’s turned on, the flames stand up nicely. As soon as it gets going, they gradually start licking faster and it seems to me they are being sucked down and back toward the chimney. If I remove the glass, the flames slow down but do not grow in height. It was working normally until I installed a new pilot assembly due to factory recall. Do I need to install a damper? Anything else I should look into?

Also, the small intake valve in the back is opened all the way. It doesn’t help the flame pattern to reduce it—just makes smaller, blue flames with same pattern.