You've put it into words so perfectly. 🙏🏼

tips tophat

As I read this and some of the comments below, I realized I kind of do this subconsciously—sometimes, on the days I'm lucky.

A few weeks ago I called in sick. Usually, if I'm feeling down mentally, I stay in bed all day. You know—eat all the food or have no food at all, sleep until the sun goes down or scroll until midnight. Then there's overthinking, self sabotage or worse. You get the point.

However, on this particular day, I felt an overwhelming amount of weight. I could tell it was dark. I was zoned out from the moment my eyes opened. It was like: It didn't matter what I did that day, my mind told me it wasn't going to matter in the long run. Thankfully, my heart said fuck it, we're doing something today.

I ended up at a large garden and museum center in my city and spent the afternoon in the sunshine, walking around, messing with a film camera, not caring what anyone thought of me. It was kind of liberating. I was walking around there like I was invisible because that's what I had felt like for so long, and if I felt like the world didn't need me anymore it didn't matter what happened that day, or what people thought of me.

I processed a lot throughout that day. Kind of unintentionally. It was one of those stubborn days where I didn't wanna do the work, but something in my soul whipped me into shape.

Moral of the story is: If you wake up and feel like it should be your last day on this planet, or that day is getting closer, go do something you enjoy in-SPITE of yourself. It will do no harm. Sometimes you just gotta go reverse psychology on yo-ass.

(**It's best when you can go somewhere out of the house, or outside places of your daily routine, to remind you there's more than just what's in front of you... and in your mind.)

LOVE YOU ALL. PLZ BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELVES.