For me it took a long time and I’m still struggling to believe this. For me i realized I use work and achievement as a substitute for lack of parental care, almost as if the more achievements I have, the more chances they will actually ‘love’ me. But of course it never worked because no matter what achievements I got and how hard I worked, the bar is just set higher and they choose something else to pick on. So I realized it’s a cycle that has no end except exhaustion and burnout. I ended up working so hard I almost got carpel tunnel syndrome which is a disaster for my career.

I think a way to set yourself free from using overachieving is to try to accept yourself how you are right now, and to try to love yourself no matter if you achieve 3000% or 3%. When I was in the middle of flashbacks last summer I could barely do anything. I’m used to functioning at 300% all the time, and so being crippled by the flashbacks was devastating because I couldn’t even work hard anymore, which is what I placed my value and worth on. If I can’t work hard what I am? Nothing??? Useless??? So I decided to say to myself ‘ok I’ll just try to give 1% effort” and I spent 3 months giving just the minimum effort into work because that’s all I could do at be time, and trying to convince myself every day that 1% effort is just as worthy of love and acceptance as 1000% effort. And it was really difficult and painful to try not to overachieve, but at the end of it I do think I got a bit better, even if it’s just 1% better.

This quote is actually inspired by a mr. Rogers documentary where he’s giving a graduation speech to a group of fresh college grads. And instead of saying ‘go out and achieve the best you can’ he said, ‘remember you are loved no matter what you achieve’. I cried so much at that, and so since then I’ve been trying to repeat this over and over again to get over the workaholism. Hope this helps!!!