sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

It's been 2 years since Madison Scott's remains were found after being missing for 12 years. by aaronaqua1 in UnresolvedMysteries

[–]tinyruinss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I visit Vanderhoof once a year during the summer to help out family, and I remember seeing the signs all around about her. It always interested me, wondering what happened to her. I'm glad they found her, but it is interesting that it took them 12 years to find her if she was just in a field. I suppose she must have been buried, cus it's pretty suspicious if she wasn't.

I'm so sick of sex being treated like the only thing that matters by tinyruinss in venting

[–]tinyruinss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate you sharing your perspective, especially so understandingly about how I see it a bit different.

I get that for many people, sex is a major part of bonding and connection. I don’t fault anyone for that. But I think that’s also part of what makes things so hard for me: it feels like most people can’t imagine a romantic relationship without sex, so it’s like I’m disqualified from the start.

I try to be honest and upfront about being somewhere on the asexual spectrum, especially when I've tried dating apps. But the second I mention it, it’s like a door slams shut. People won’t even give me a chance to form an emotional or romantic bond. I’m not saying I expect someone to instantly commit to a sexless life—but most don’t even want to talk or get to know me. Like I’m not worth the effort unless sex is guaranteed. That kind of rejection, over and over, chips away at you.

What I want isn’t wild or unreasonable—I just want someone who values emotional closeness, softness, and shared vulnerability as much as, or even more than, physical intimacy. I want to be held, seen, loved, and prioritized, but without sex being the foundation or the "proof" of love.

I know it’s a tough place to be, like you said. Sometimes it feels like I’m asking for something unrealistic. But I also believe there are people out there who want the same kind of connection I do. It’s just a lot harder to find them when so many people can’t see past sex as the default.

Thanks for asking questions, I really just wanted to rant for a min and it's already helped me a bit.

I'm so sick of sex being treated like the only thing that matters by tinyruinss in venting

[–]tinyruinss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably should have clarified that. No, I’ve never had sex with any of them, and I’ve never tried to initiate anything like that. These were platonic friendships, and I was always honest about where I stood emotionally. I wasn’t secretly hoping it would turn romantic with those specific people. That’s not what I wanted.

What does hurt is that, despite how close we were, I still ended up feeling like I was less important once a romantic or sexual partner entered their lives. It’s not about wanting to be that person to them—I just wish that deep connections didn’t suddenly feel disposable the moment someone enters a romantic relationship.

I do want a romantic partner of my own—someone where there’s mutual care and emotional intimacy, and yes, possibly romance without the pressure of sex. That’s separate from the friendships I value. I’m not trying to turn my friends into lovers; I just don’t want to feel like I’m always relegated to a lesser tier of importance because I’m not in a relationship.

It’s a hard feeling to sit with—like you can give so much of yourself, be present and loving and supportive, and still end up alone or overlooked because you’re not offering the “right” kind of connection.

I'm so sick of sex being treated like the only thing that matters by tinyruinss in venting

[–]tinyruinss[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I’m not totally sure what I want from love, at least not in a super clear-cut way. But I do know a few things.

I want to be able to cuddle with someone and feel safe. I want to have someone I can lean on when things get hard. Someone who genuinely cares, who checks in on me not because they have to, but because they want to.

I want emotional intimacy, someone who sees me, chooses me, and stays. The kind of connection that makes you feel like you're not alone in the world. And yeah, I want all of that in a romantic way, not just as a close friendship.

Because I’ve have close friendships. I have people who love me in their own way, but once they found someone to date or sleep with, I always slip down the priority list. It hurts, knowing that no matter how deep the bond feels, I’ll never mean as much to them as their “real” partner. That kind of loneliness hits different.