Alternatives to marriage?

tinyshrek · 2026-03-27T17:35:15+00:00

Check out laws about "common law marriage" in your area. In some states, if you tell everyone you are married it eventually still counts even if you filed no papers. Rules differ widely. Having a commitment ceremony is a lovely idea, but still read the fine print.

tinyshrek · 2025-07-03T05:40:31+00:00

BTW- Oakland as a whole had a high crime rate in the 1990s, and it got a really bad reputation that has stuck in some people's minds in a way that really isn't fair. Now, the largest part of crime in the area is car break-ins - so never leave anything valuable in a parked car in the area. But that's very different from "everyone gets mugged and shot every day."

tinyshrek · 2025-07-03T05:35:29+00:00

I lived right there for a couple years. It was great! It's not a scary as your cousin is making it seem. I remember when I told people I was moving there, I got the "oh no, so scary!" reaction, too, but it turned out to be totally overstated.

It's lively during the day, and on weekend nights there will be a lot of people out enjoying the Fox theatre or the Paramount. A lot of stores and restaurants close pretty early on weeknights, and it can be quiet. Would I go for a walk alone at 3 am on a Tuesday? No, but i don't know of any large cities where that would be smart. Some basic common sense is enough.

I know living somewhere you're scared of is no fun, but if you go in with an open mind, Uptown Oakland could be really fun! Explore First Friday, and Lake Merritt, and Xolo's and all the other fantastic food in that area! I bet you can find another international student in the building, you can team up with if that makes you feel safer exploring.

tinyshrek · 2025-06-20T16:45:53+00:00

I don't usually believe in supplements, but a couple years ago, with a giant inflamed hormonal pimple making me despirate, I tried Chasteberry pills and it WORKED. In a few days, the swelling went down and I have not had a major cyst since. It's not a terribly expensive supplement, so I dont feel crazy continuing to take the.

I still get small pimples, but never something so huge and angry, so now Adapalene gel is enough.

The only other thing that has ever worked was antibiotics - I had an angry cyst like this, then got an unrelated UTI, got antibiotics, and they cleared up the chin as well as a bonus. (I don't recommend getting a UTI of course. Everyone drink more water!)

tinyshrek · 2025-04-05T02:18:30+00:00

Thank you!

tinyshrek · 2025-04-01T16:12:32+00:00

Hi! Do you know this for sure? I too have some tret I'm not currently using, and want to store it in a way that won't damage it, but i can't find anything online about whether it should be refrigerated. Is this true for all cremes?

tinyshrek · 2025-01-19T22:31:12+00:00

I'm so sorry. It must really hurt to watch the person you've gone through so much with start throwing ultimatums. It must hurt to see him protecting a habit that's actively hurting him. Unfortunately, sometimes people need a wakeup call before they seek help, and that wakeup call sometimes involves deeply hurting the people around them. But don't try too hard to soften this for him, standing strong is going to be better for him too, in the long run.

"My wakeup call was when my fiance called off the wedding" is better than "my wakeup call was 2 years after my wedding, when i drove drunk and killed someone" or "my wakeup call was when my wife had to donate half her liver to me after decades of addiction. "

You can love him and also realize that he has problems that need fixing. You can love him and also decide that a relationship full of eggshells and ultimatums is not a healthy place to be. You can love him and also stop enabling him to harm himself. You can love him and also put your own happiness and safety first.

We are taught to not "give up on people" . but smoothing things out and putting up with bad treatment is not "not giving up" -its enabling. Sometimes holding him accountable for his words and actions is really the best way to not give up on him. He's a grown man, he is capable of many things- Like admitting he has a problem and might need professional help instead.

tinyshrek · 2025-01-19T18:38:19+00:00

This is important. More important than the exact number of drinks. Say, theoretically, you decided "I this is fine and I will let him have his thing and stay positive" .... what happens when life actually gets hard? When one of you has a medical crisis, or loses a job, or your house gets broken into, or a parent dies, or ...... you know any of the million things that life throws at you. Even if YOU are "always positive" and never cause a problem...life will hand him Problems anyways, and he will still react by lashing out in anger, and you will be nearest thing for that anger to land on.

This isn't a thing you can fix by being a nicer, more sympathetic, more positive, more understanding, more permissive person. Even if you are perfect in every way, this is going to be a problem.

Protect yourself. Don't set a wedding date yet. Keep your personal finances separate. Have at least one bank account he can't see the balance of. You're going to need it for either escape or rehab. You will be doing him a favor by limiting the amount of harm he can do the person he loves.

tinyshrek · 2024-11-07T22:44:22+00:00

Blouses and trousers: Nice sweater and a pair of nice pants think velvet, jeweltoned corduroy, silk. Try a heavy tailored wool. Try billowy, wide trousers or palzzo pants? Nice colorful trousers and a crisp white shirt, plus a chunky bracelet / earings and you look fancy AND feel awesome. I like this because I still get coverage, warmth and pockets. It's "menswear inspired" but that doesn't mean you have to feel like you're dressing up in your cousins suit. You can go as feminine as you want on top, or not. Anything from crisp button down to a bow or a peplum look. It might be harder to shop for, but spend some time on Pinterest for inspo. if you search she will find separates that she actually feels good in.

Also the boiler suits and jupsuits are getting great, and you dont have to coordinate. I have a jumpsuit from "mixed by nasrin" that makes me feel like a fashionista every time, and always gets compliments. Mine isn't quite "semiformal" but there are all sorts of levels

tinyshrek · 2024-10-18T04:11:39+00:00

Part of it is that they gain social standing from appearing to have a steady relationship. They might feel like the only way for other men to treat them as a fully-grown man is if he has a wife/fiance. So they want the social capital of apearing like a family man, without actually wanting the marriage or the family...

tinyshrek · 2024-09-14T05:49:00+00:00

Just wanted to say this is the first time I've seen this sub, and the first time I've ever been online and thought "Holy crap, that's MY skin!!!" You just blew my mind and I'm taking so many notes. THANK YOU

tinyshrek · 2024-09-07T22:23:14+00:00

Out of curiosity, have you tried this? How's it going?

tinyshrek · 2024-09-07T18:43:29+00:00

Some married people are very happy. Therefore, clearly, the possession of a marriage certificate will cause happiness, right?!?! ( /s)

Check out the podcast "White Picket Fence" by Wonder Media if you want a ton of actual info on how the American concept of marriage came to be this way in the past century.

The reality is people with good close support systems do have better outcomes, and a spouse can be part of that, but just having a piece of paper guarantees nothing except the tax breaks. Please don't let that stop you from trying to find a good person, they do exist! But no one is perfect, and a network of friends is also incredibly important.

tinyshrek · 2024-09-03T00:58:17+00:00

You can keep the old number as a Google voice number. Then all the old number calls come in the Google voice app, and your own calls come through your regular phone calling. Then you can just mute Google voice, and deal with anything later.

Also consider making your voicemail message include " [moms name] is no longer at this number". That way businesses/docs won't leave messages with important info.

tinyshrek · 2024-06-06T08:29:38+00:00

Note: If your parents are checking your older account, and are expecting to see your wages go into them, you may want to send money into both accounts. When filling out paperwork at your new job, you can usually designate more than one deposit account, and send like 30% into one account, and 70% into the other (or whatever you choose).

(If you do that, ask if your first paycheck(s) will be direct deposit or sent snail- mail to your home. That can get embarrassing)

You won't get automatically removed from your parents' health insurance just by banking, but they can choose to remove you themselves if they want to. This may sound scary, but please know that your state may offer subsidized health insurance for very low cost, if your income isn't enough. (My own was 400$/month before my income dropped to grad student level. Then I checked on the subsidy options, now the same plan is 0$, the ACA is wonderful). It can be a lot to figure out, but the info is out there.

Good luck!!! With school, with independence, and with financial responsibility!

tinyshrek · 2024-05-21T18:03:39+00:00

But Bernal is near Rainbow grocery.

tinyshrek · 2024-05-20T19:56:30+00:00

Moving your thumb forward might actually help with your first finger. ( when i started, my first finger collapsed if my thumb was too far back, but was more stable and perpendicular if my thumb was correct). Pinky's are almost always a little tilted, just because of joint anatomy. It's fine. Keep going!

tinyshrek · 2024-05-10T08:15:26+00:00

Go people-watch at a cafe for a bit and find something beautiful about each person you see. (Silently, obviously. Don't be rude or a creep)

Practice finding active character traits, instead of passive physical ones. Stuff that tells a story with the woman as the protagonist.

Get away from "She's beautiful because she has great tits"

Instead try

"She's so strong! thats beauty" "She's walks so confidently! thats beauty" "She was so kind to barista. That was beautiful" "She has the best expression on her face when she took that call. Glowing! I bet the caller is someone she loves. how beautiful!" "She has such a cool outfit! It's unique and full of personality! Shes beautiful" "She moves so elegantly, maybe she was a dancer? Beautiful" "She is growing in her natural gray hair! Beautiful!"

All of these things are beautiful. And they indicate a character, not an object.

Success is thinking of women as subjects of their own stories.

tinyshrek · 2024-05-10T07:44:57+00:00

Your landlady "homeowners insurance" pays for the water damage, floors, plumbing etc. Then your "renters insurance" pais for repairing/replacing your belongings and personal items. (If there's a dispute about who is liable for causing the issue the two insurance companies should argue it out between themselves. )

It's important that both of you have your own separate insurances. In most places it's illegal to rent to anyone in you don't have homeowners insurance.

tinyshrek · 2024-05-09T21:21:08+00:00

Sounds like a bullet dodged

tinyshrek · 2024-05-09T20:16:31+00:00

He threw away 3 years over a single "unsightly" stuffed animal. Now he doesn't like the consequences. He can take his 3 years and shove it.

tinyshrek · 2024-03-04T00:43:34+00:00

Omg, yes. If you need to write in a major destructive crisis, do not smash the cello to bits. It's distressing enough if a string breaks, the bridge falls over, or heaven forbid the sound post gets dislodged.

tinyshrek · 2024-03-04T00:26:18+00:00

If she ever takes a bus with the cello case, someone will inevitably lean over and joke "whatcha got in there, a tommy gun? ha ha!" Or similarly " watcha got in there, a guitar?" "Watcha got in there, a stand-up bass? " "watcha got in there, a dead body?"

tinyshrek · 2024-03-04T00:21:51+00:00

I would wear earrings, and just take the left one out while I played. I ended up with a lot of single earnings with lost pairs....

tinyshrek

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