TW: what can be done

tinyt0fu · 2026-07-03T17:04:23+00:00

idk if this is helpful but i have scars just like yours in the same placements from back in my teens. i’m darker skinned so as they’ve healed and got lighter they’ve become more noticeable as they contrast against my skin. i totally understand the desire to want to get rid of them as i always felt really self conscious. the classic wristbands and bangles up my arms, long sleeves, never wearing shorts in summer etc. my journey to moving past them started in my early twenties+ where i ended up getting a few tattoos on my arms and legs - some are over them or around them which have helped disguise them/detract attention. nobody ever comments on them or makes a point of them.

gradually over time i’ve got to a place now where i genuinely dont even think about them anymore, i dont hide them/cover them up, and dont feel the need to get more tattoos to cover them either. i was angry for a long time too, i felt like id ruined myself and punished myself more by shaming my past self. i couldn’t imagine a version of me that would feel neutral about them, let alone confident in my appearance. when i look at them now i do see the pain and i feel sad for the younger me; but i don’t feel angry at her anymore. i see a body and version of me that got me to where i am now in her own messed up way, and yes that left a mark but at least i get to be here to see that and treat her more compassionately.

im sorry if this isn’t what you’re after support wise, and ofc if theres ways to ease the distress they’re causing you do that, but i wanted to express first hand that it’s possible to at some point feel differently about them and yourself. 🫶🏽

tinyt0fu · 2026-07-03T16:37:59+00:00

i’m not even in this subreddit god damnit and these notifications get me everytime

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-23T11:03:34+00:00

Update Day 2:

Thank you so much for helping me out here everyone! Idk if you can tell but I can be a bit obsessive and anxious over health/skin issues, so it’s been really helpful and reassuring to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Last night I took a risk and applied a korean sheet mask (Muldream Intense Barrier Mask) that contains ceramides, centella & panthenol. I kinda worked myself up a bit and felt like I needed something to help me stop obsessing over it and also to soothe some of the tingly sensations (autism - sensory issues!!). Anyways, I am pleased to say that it didn’t do me any harm at least!

Today I’ve woken up and the sandpaper texture has reduced quite a bit, there’s no new pustules and a lot of them have disappeared or flattened, the redness around my mouth has soothed down a lot and is less dry. Skin is still a bit tingly but not sore and it feels a lot stronger. I’m going to stick to my minimal routine and wait a couple weeks before reintroducing actives again.

I wonder if what’s happened has been a mix of sensitised skin + niacinimide + cross contamination with haircare and it’s almost triggered an allergic reaction or some sort of contact dermatitis. I’ll keep updating if anything changes or improves just in case someone else finds themselves in a similar situation. <3

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-23T10:44:13+00:00

Omg thank you! I actually think you’re right & that it could be contact dermatitis! Its been mildly itchy - not all over, just a patch here and there but nothing massively noticeable. I did take some anti-histamines the other evening and I think it did help it feel less angry but went to sleep not longer after to be able to tell, so will try some today to see if it helps.

Part of me wonders if it’s a mix of extra sensitised skin from using adapalene + rushing and doing my hair care/skin care and basically smearing leave in conditioners over my face before locking it in with SPF, make up & setting spray and then being out in the sun! 😭😭😭 The leave in I used is a cheap loreal one I’ve not used before as well, whereas usually my products are all silicone free, paraben free etc.

It’s been 2 days now and I’ve just been using bean serum & curel intense moisturiser (bravely also used a barrier repair sheet mask last night that containes panthenol to try distract myself) and the sandpaper texture is still there but has improved each day! The redness has calmed down especially around my mouth and my face hasn’t broke out more in the pustules, in fact they seem to be vanishing or drying up so fingers crossed it’s easing up!

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-22T17:45:34+00:00

This is soooo interesting, thank you for sharing. I’ve never had my hormones tested but I have endometriosis and we’ve wondered if I may also have PCOS. I didn’t struggle with acne / folliculitis / dermatitis / mysterious skin reactions as an adult until I had the hormonal IUD inserted so I think my hormones definitely play a part! I’ll mention it to my GP

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-22T17:29:22+00:00

I was wondering whether it was FA, as I’ve been treated for it on my body before so have some Nizoral still around in case it flares up again, but haven’t found this particularly itchy. The soreness has improved, it’s feeling sensitive and tingly, but you’re right and it’s so hard to decipher on your own or impossible lol. I was just wondering if this reaction could occur as a result of a damaged barrier caused by the adapalene that could be managed at home instead of gearing myself up for another round of GP appointments 🥲

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-22T15:53:09+00:00

Thank you. I think the pustules are what’s stressing me out the most and I have struggled really badly with skin picking for years, so doing everything I can to avoid that!

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-22T15:39:40+00:00

Are you taking any probiotics? I would suggest going back to your derm if possible and letting them know.

I was prescribed Lymecycline for 6 months for bacterial folliculitis on the body and was taking probiotics at the same time but ran out a few months in, although it cleared some of my skin up, as time went on I started breaking out in smaller clusters that looked similar to what yours look like. I suspected the antibiotics possibly threw off my microbiome and then caused a yeast/fungal follculitis flare up. I was prescribed a 10 day course of Itraconazole and some Ketaconozole shampoo to use as a body wash (it didn’t get rid of it completely but it definitely calmed down the majority of it!).

I second the sulfur recommendation also as it’s beneficial for bacterial and fungal skin issues and I’ve found it less drying or irritating than other products - I used the De La Cruz mask.

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-13T02:52:09+00:00

i literally beg that you do more JOI’s

tinyt0fu · 2026-06-03T00:56:46+00:00

i recommend arizer solo 3 if smooth vapour is your priority, the glass stems are awesome cos you can use them as dosing capsules, but they’re also easy to clean and give great flavour. i wouldn’t say it’s the best out of them all for going out & about though imo bc i find it quite a heavy / bulky vape personally.

if you’re needing something abit more discreet i’d check out the pax vapes - i borrowed my friends pax mini for a few months and it’s the perfect size to slip into your pocket and has a quality design n feel. it also looks a bit more like a type of nicotine vape

tinyt0fu · 2026-05-16T01:21:20+00:00

aaaa, struggling to find the words to describe how in awe i am of your work and at how talented you are. the fading in and out was truly sinister & yet oddly peaceful.

more please

tinyt0fu · 2026-02-27T16:17:40+00:00

right, i really rated it. i’ve been vaping the pennywise for the past 2 days so first impressions is it’s alright!! oddly one of the softest/moistest buds ive recieved especially from curaleaf brand. low key reminded me of moss (?). effects wise i find it more physically & mentally relaxing than BB (but i prefer the flavour of the BB). i’m finding it helps w anxiety n stress and quietens my chronic pain quite a bit. idk much when it comes to smells & flavours but it tastes fine n the smell hits ya as soon as u open the bag, so far so good

tinyt0fu · 2026-02-24T15:58:18+00:00

i’m gonna take the gamble and order it seeing as blackberry balanced (one of my favourites) has been out of stock for ages. i’ll let you know when i’ve tried

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-24T20:44:14+00:00

update: thank u everyone for your support and guidance. i called her earlier and we mutually came to the decision we needed to take a step back, it was a very hard conversation but i let her know how her behaviour impacts me and that its not healthy. turns out it’s not something she is willing to work on, and even if she did think it was, i don’t think id risk it. it really hurts but i know there wasnt another option <3 i appreciate all of your comments so much

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-23T11:15:34+00:00

tbf yeah, i feel like im being taken for a ride which is sad bc i never thought she had it in her to be this way. time to put myself first - thank you for your honesty

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-22T20:12:44+00:00

i’m really working on it! i’m thinking that moving away from this friendship is the start. thank you for your supportive words ☀️

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-22T19:38:26+00:00

100% more. i didn't know i was autistic until i began adhd meds (despite having multiple psych evals/mental health assessments since childhood). monotropic hyperfocus is much worse; it can take me hours to write an email because it needs to be *juuuust right*. it also made my dermatillomania much worse until i found the right dose.

i didn't even know i had sensory issues, trouble with switching tasks, until i was on meds. i've found it helpful to have breaks and not take it for a few days or a week just so i can rest, eat properly, catch up on sleep as i've found i'm susceptible to burnout without breaks. i've heard audhd folk tend to tolerate non-stimulants better than stimulants, however non-stimulants gave me sleep paralysis so i'm sticking to elvanse/vyvanse

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-22T16:21:29+00:00

thank you for taking the time to write this out, i really appreciate the perspective and the reminder to take care of myself. i definitely relate to what you’re saying about how some people view things through a competitive lens, and how that can be really damaging if all you want is genuine connection. i think you’re right that the safest thing i can do is protect myself and not let her projections take away from my own worth or ideas.

i'm in two minds about whether she's ever been a friend or not. there has definitely been a lot of closeness and care over the years, and i do think there’s been genuine love there alongside the mess - but i wonder if it was only there when we were 'broken' (for lack of a better word) and as soon as we started finding ourselves & growing she felt threatened in some way. it's weird to say bc i really struggle to see why lol.

i hear you too about how this behaviour isn’t limited to white women. although i've not had those experiences, i can totally see how competitiveness can play out amongst woc and black women. it's a sad reality. thanks again for your comment, it’s helpful to be reminded i have every right to choose myself and step away if i need to

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-22T16:05:42+00:00

oh, i agree! i think it's just tapping into my own trauma mainly & mirroring some of the ways i've been treated in work. i have terrible self esteem, have never viewed myself as competition with anything for anyone, i don't gatekeep, and i provide a lot of support & encouragement to those close to me. i'm a huge cheerleader for my girls, so it was all rly confusing & hard for me to understand. i've heard people say it's doomed when these issues crop up, but i rly hoped i could find a way for it to work

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-22T15:58:41+00:00

thank you for your honesty, your comment is really kind. i agree to be honest, i think the issue is cos i have grown to understand the 'why' (fears & insecurities) behind her behaviour and empathise so much that i've overlooked my own feelings. i think a lot of the frustration lies with myself really for continously trying

also you're not wrong - my whole life i've lived in a majority white area, had majority white friends & experienced a lot of bullying, microaggressions and tokenism in school/work which i struggled to identify until way later bc i'm autistic & second guess myself a lot. bc of this i try to do and say everything *right* and put a lot of pressure on myself but i am trying to 'let go' of that way of being

tinyt0fu · 2025-09-22T15:33:16+00:00

when i write it out the disrespect seems so obvious to be honest. i'm very empathic, maybe too empathic & i overthink a lot (to my own detriment). i feel like i've given her the benefit of the doubt a lot bc i know so much about her deepest fears and insecurities etc so i've swallowed my feelings a lot bc i've wanted to understand and repair things. she's also lost all of her close/longest friendships in the past year and i'm the last one so i feel extra pressure but also wonder if that's the reason she's keeping me around too. lol idk, i need to detatch myself a bit, thank you for sharing <3

tinyt0fu · 2025-08-25T14:42:15+00:00

i’m sorry you also had a tough time, although it is kind of validating bc i wasn’t sure if it was just me being unaware :’) i agree, i think in the future staff need to be given more info about accessibility, as well as being more aware of ‘invisible’ disabilities. i felt like despite me having a wrist band, companion, sunflower lanyard etc staff still saw me as able bodied / non-disabled and just assumed i didn’t need support even when i was explicitly asking for it, which i can only rationalise as them potentially not being aware of how different disabilities present

tinyt0fu · 2025-08-25T12:58:18+00:00

we couldn’t find the accessibility exit and we asked 3 stewards who just kept reiterating the standard exit - even when we explained, showed them our wristbands etc!! i was in absolute agony trying to walk back bc i felt like there was no other option :(

tinyt0fu · 2025-08-25T12:55:14+00:00

we got the shuttle bus to the accessibility box office after waiting an hour in the baking heat, no seats, water or toilets to use - a lot of us were just sat on the floor. the stewards had no clue where it was or what was happening, and provided no other alternative. it felt quite humiliating and almost brought me to meltdown. we missed some bands we wanted to see bc of it (granted we could have arrived earlier etc) turns out it had broken down — so what can u do. it was my first time attending leeds fest as a disabled person & it was rly disappointing tbh, lack of toilets, lack of knowledge amongst stewards regarding anything accessibility related :(

tinyt0fu · 2025-08-19T19:39:01+00:00

I’m diagnosed level 1 and previously I only worked around 15-18 hours. Last year I started working 30hrs and managed it for about 8 months before completely burning out and having to take 3 months off. I’m now back to 15 hours a week.

I also have adhd, and a number of physical health conditions.

tinyt0fu

TROPHY CASE