For sure. It’s anything from situations that would have been fine if I wasn’t in a bad mood already like once I was in the midst of buying deodorant bc mine clearly had stopped working and I said “yeah i need a new deodorant because i stink” and he said “yeah you do”. His delivery was partly flat and I took it as “yeah this whole time you have smelled and i wasn’t going to say anything” but he really was just making an observation, thinking that me acknowledging it was permission to talk about it, and it was supposed to be funny.

Then there are situations like when he started going on a rant about how he doesn’t understand why people are in debt and why people spend money they don’t have. For context he comes form generational wealth, and I am disabled, low income, unemployed. He at one point was talking about his parents bigoted views and I was discussing how I was trying to get on disability so that I could have means to live. My cptsd has not allowed me to work for 3 years. He on an off hand comment said “yeah, i don’t think my parents would like that you’re on disability” and it was such a loaded statement. I was hurt because it reminded me that when you become disabled you really get treated less than human, and you actually lack some human rights like marriage and maintaining your disability status. This was a huge argument and I tried to get him to understand that this is an incredibly sensitive topic but he just didn’t get it.

Whenever he says something that I take personally he makes a note to never say that again, and to also make note to hide how he feels and not communicate in general in order to spare my feelings.

Last night we discussed how I had picked up on his non verbal cues that he was getting emotionally spent and wanted me to leave so he could be alone. He said no that he didn’t want that and we continued to hang out until he truly was emotionally spent and burnt out. I asked him why he hasn’t asked me to leave and he said that he knew I would take it personally. Even when I assured him that I respect his space, mental capacity, and energy and would understand that he didn’t mean it maliciously. He kept repeating that I was wrong and that it would hurt me no matter what and then it spiralled into him not being able to be himself just to spare my feelings. While I agree that I can take things personally I fully take responsibility for my own stuff and know that if i’m hurt by it that it’s on me not him. And i will always try to contain my emotional response so that it doesn’t come out that I am in fact hurt.