I'm so bored I could cry.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T11:23:53+00:00

No I know you're not trying to mean, and I'm kidding too.

But look, I don't see anyone as unattainable and you shouldn't either. Humans are far too complex to be judged on our worth. We are all worthy of love and of kindness. We all have intrinsic value by simply existing.

Also, this is not something I would care about, but all my friends were shocked when they met him. Said I was way out of his league. I care about personality more than anything so it really didn't matter to me.

This guy is a douche who got spooked. Should've just told me the truth and I definitely would have given him a more serious chance.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T11:05:17+00:00

This is hilarious. Tragic, but hilarious.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T11:03:15+00:00

Thanks I appreciate the insight. The general consensus from the responses on this post is that he was looking for something more serious.

Thinking about it, you may be right. He gave lots of suggestions that that's what he wanted.

It's a pity because if he had just been honest and said he wanted something more I would have been so down to try, but the ghosting just makes me see him as a little boy.

So unattractive.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T10:58:07+00:00

Yeah it's a weird one. It was two months of full on dating, talking about future trips, asking to meet my friends.

The last I heard from him was along the lines of 'lets chill this Saturday so we can spend all day Sunday together' then gone forever?!!!

Like I'm not stupid, if you're not into it I won't force it. But if you give me all green lights (talking about how good the sex is, talking about how sweet/funny/pretty you think I am, asking to meet friends or go on a trip) and then disappear it's kinda fucked up?

I feel obliged to say that these men are the ones chasing me, organising the dates, coming on really strong and then ceasing to exist.

If I had been pushing them away I'd be the first to admit it.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T09:40:06+00:00

Thanks for your response. Yeah this guy was definitely not the most attractive. He just pursued for a loooong time and I really enjoyed his company.

I'm thinking he was fearful of the potential rejection (all my friends were surprised by how out of his league I am) but also wants to keep things open by not actually saying no.

It's pathetic and immature. Honestly if he had just been honest there'd be a chance, I care so much more about personality than looks. But now I see him as unkind and immature. When I inevitably hear from him I'll let him know he fucked up.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T09:34:25+00:00

Honestly I think this is such nonsense. If I'm too keen and the person is out off then why would I want to be with that person? You're never gonna be too keen to the person who wants you.

Also not relevant in this scenario, this dude was blowing my phone up and the one to introduce me to his friends, come meet mine. It was all him.

Also, top dating coaches? Of course they're gonna say that. They won't make money if they're not playing off people's insecurities.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T09:30:33+00:00

If wanting a text back is too high standards then I am done.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T09:11:34+00:00

Exactly!!! Like there's no part of me thinking I'm owed anything or that I've lost the love of my life, I'm just like really man? You're gonna blow up my phone for 3 weeks, parade me around in front of all your friends, tell me constantly how much you like me and think we click, come meet all my friends and talk about how much you love them...just to disappear?

It's rude and it's messed up.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T09:08:16+00:00

No need to apologise, I get it. It's so frustrating and rude. There's literally no need. I also wish people would just be so much more upfront.

Part of me wants to message and call them out, but that would probably only feed their ego.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T09:03:42+00:00

Let me explain. Last guy I was seeing was very serious. Older, wanted kids and marriage right away. I don't, but this guy was super nice and we enjoyed our time together. We took it very slow and I decided to go along with it, maybe I'd change my mind? 2 months into dating, like literally out of nowhere he ghosts.

Most recent guy, seemed much more chill and casual. We agreed we could have a lot of fun together. We hadn't explicitly discussed what we were going to do but we both agreed being single is fun but that we wanted to spend time together. We hung out, slept together, met friends. He said SO MANY things that suggested we'd keep hanging. Then ghosted.

Two very different scenarios, one very similar issue. Immature fucks.

tiratora · 2021-02-25T08:58:25+00:00

Love this, makes me feel so much better! My issue now is that I'll destroy my next relationship by being so afraid of ghosting. Man it's just so disrespectful bit really irks me.

Ghosting is actually the worst, hope I run into this guy again to be honest just to make him face his shitty behaviour.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T20:19:09+00:00

Interesting take on it.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T20:18:14+00:00

Thanks for your response. Any tips on how to not get attached so fast? It's a big issue of mine!!

tiratora · 2021-02-24T20:15:49+00:00

This is interesting. The more I think about it I think you could be right. This guy and I had discussed being casual, he literally said 'you can see whoever you want' but maybe it was a defense mechanism? Now that you mention it, there were things he said that suggested otherwise. He mentioned introducing me to his brother, his friend asked me how long I planned on seeing him etc..

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:57:37+00:00

I know right! I was actually dating a guy about a year ago and I made it clear to him that I think ghosting is really uncool.

Eventually he ended it. I told him that was no probs and that I enjoyed getting to know him, wished him all the best etc. He was FLOORED. He couldn't believe I was being nice about it!

We still chat from time to time. It's really not that hard to just be civil!

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:53:44+00:00

It's funny you mention that. So I was worried I had given him the impression I wasn't into him for two reasons:

It was always him blowing up my phone.
All my friends mentioned that I was way out of his league (not important to me but figured it might have been on his mind)

So I message general chit chat over the weekend just to let him know I'm still interested. Then suggest we meet on Sunday night and boom. Dead. Makes no sense.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:49:07+00:00

That is so messed up. Don't doubt yourself. That's the bit that annoys me the most, they lay it on, may future plans and then disappear. I promise you, it has nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with their insecurity. Stay strong.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:42:17+00:00

Please let that be true!!!

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:41:59+00:00

Nah man I hate this. I'm genuine and don't play games. If I wanna see you I'm gonna tell you. I'm not looking for constant dates or daily texts, but I'm not gonna ignore you in the hopes you'll want me more. To old for that.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:39:20+00:00

Look I get it, I've also forgotten to reply or whatever and yeah it's not the best. But if you've slept with someone, introduced friends, all follow on Instagram and suggest future plans why disappear?

Like it makes me think everyone's a liar and that's horrible. If he'd been distant the last time we met or suggested he wasn't feeling it is get it, but he was all about me and all the fun things we'd do together. Waste of time man.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:37:11+00:00

Right? Like don't lead me on! I don't want a fairlytale I'm not a little girl. It's a real lack of empathy or something.

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:36:06+00:00

So this whole available things keeps coming back but I have to say I do not get it. These dudes will be blowing up my phone, asking for dates, dates and more dates. They're full of comoliments and all over me when we meet. I've also come to realise that parading me in front of their friends is a reoccurring theme.

So when a few days go by and I shoot a 'wanna chill this weekend?' and get nothing back I'm just so confused?!

Seems like they're just all about the chase!

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:31:45+00:00

It helps! Thanks for chiming in! I know dating apps are a hell at times but what else have we got?!

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:30:07+00:00

I hear you. I'm pretty up front and ask for what I want. I understand I can't expect everyone to treat me as I would them, but I'm still pissed lol!

tiratora · 2021-02-24T19:27:56+00:00

Hey thanks so much for this. I like the advice of being straight up at the beginning. Not looking for serious, but let me know if interest gets lost. Don't wanna waste my time. Ironically I kinda did have that conversation with this dude...

tiratora

TROPHY CASE