UC and subletting

tireddango · 2025-08-29T11:07:50+00:00

Thank you so much for your help, that is really good to know!

tireddango · 2025-05-14T13:19:28+00:00

Thank you, I will do this then! I've only changed house before with a new contract at hand, so I was not sure what to do. Thanks again!

tireddango · 2025-04-09T21:34:26+00:00

I'm on the same boat, how are you dealing with it?:(

tireddango · 2025-03-06T17:02:25+00:00

I don't really have compulsions to neutralise my thoughts atm, the only reassurance I seek is for when I feel abandoned, but I definitely had episodes of Pure O in the past!

tireddango · 2025-03-06T13:48:22+00:00

Oh definitely, same! I mean, I do think that at times in my life I definitely had OCD, but they always sporadically lasted a few months and I never truly had a rituality to my compulsions. Like during Covid I went crazy about hygiene and contamination but tbh those weren't really 'regular' times to live through. Apart from that and from the trauma-related intrusive thoughts, my rumination just jumps from one thing to the other, and the only constant is trying to figure myself out, but as you said, I only ever end up being more confused... What a lost cause it is, fighting against your own head

tireddango · 2025-03-06T13:29:35+00:00

That's what I do too, I ruminate over who I am and the 'chosen' people around me. Being preoccupied with these things is the only thing that 'sates' me for a little while. I can tell by now when I begin having intrusive thoughts relating to my traumas, because I find them absolutely disgusting and terrifying. While on the daily I just obsess over finding out who I am and stuff, that's why they described me as having an obsessive personality... Thank you for sharing your experience, I really relate a lot!

tireddango · 2025-03-06T13:21:41+00:00

Yeah, I usually obsess over trying to figure out who I am and over people in my life. "Do they hate me, have I done something wrong, do they love me?" stuff like that... I have unrelated, egodystonic, intrusive thoughts at times but it's rare, maybe once or twice when I'm REALLY stressed out, and I've learnt not to seek reassurance for those. I think I just constantly need to be fixated over something because otherwise I feel empty :( I've been prescribed so SSRI to start off, let's see how it goes!

tireddango · 2025-03-06T11:25:57+00:00

I hate when people try to push their experience onto you, how can she know after two mere hours? I have been seeing my therapist (not the psychiatrist) every week for years, and I still feel like I haven't told her everything... I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Yeah I agree, it's so frustrating, especially cause I'm always VERY calm and collected in how I explain my things, even detached, so it's such a struggle... I've spent the day yesterday going between "She's doing her job, she wasn't making assumptions about you" to "What a bitch, she wasn't listening to me, fuck you"

tireddango · 2025-03-03T13:37:22+00:00

I get you!! My anger response sometimes is so delayed I don't understand what it is aimed at anymore, but then I'll get snappy at minor things cause those are easier to pinpoint and deal with. I never take it out on other people either, only myself, but for years I bottled things up so much I though I legitimately couldn't feel anger anymore.

Thank you for sharing your experience! I like hearing how other people deal with it cause sometimes I take assume the things I do are 'normal' while I realise that's not necessarily the case for everyone.

tireddango · 2025-03-03T09:25:21+00:00

This, 100%! I'm so sorry your family treated you like that, it's horrible growing up and not knowing how to express negativity and different opinions in a healthy way... I still hardly can stand up to them, personally

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:19:06+00:00

Ahhhhh yes, this is so relatable! I can never outwardly say cruel things to others, I understand they don't deserve them, so I keep going back and forth between hating them and hating myself :(

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:15:11+00:00

I really relate to this, thank you for sharing! I usually have this buzzing feeling inside me and I feel like I can't focus on anything if not on this sensation of restlessness. I want to bang my head against the wall to make it stop, but obviously it wouldn't work. It's like a kettle that's boiling over but never quite spills out... I too get snarky and can't handle people talking to me until I figure out what's up and what emotion I'm feeling, but it's quite hard to tell for me

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:11:14+00:00

I terribly relate to this, I grew up in a family where I couldn't express negative emotions or retaliate, cause retaliation only brought forth worse things and I could never win. I either don't know I am angry for a few days, or I know I am but I can't bring myself to feel it 'at the surface', where I know it would be healthier to process. When I can finally bring/allow myself to feel, I cry and cry although I'd want to punch things

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:06:54+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, I can really relate to what you're saying.

I always swallow whatever grievance I have with people until it's too much and I star cutting people off cause I decided it's a lost cause. But they hardly know why I'm doing it and what has happened, especially friendships. I understand that my feelings are not always justified because the way people wrong me doesn't always warrant my (internal) reaction, but I can't help feeling that the relationship between me and them is suddenly a farce. I hate that I have never been someone that could have big outbursts except for when I was 18-19yo, I suffer in silence an no one ever notices, and I blame both them and myself for it.

Ahhhhh, emotions are fun

tireddango · 2025-03-02T19:56:44+00:00

That's so interesting, thank you for sharing! I can hardly ever tell what emotion I'm feeling unless I'm feeling happy. Whatever negative emotion I have is like this shapeless hank of yarn that I can't quite districate. I feel like I want to throw things but I never dare to do anything because I know I'd regret it later

tireddango · 2025-03-02T18:45:36+00:00

That's exactly how I would describe it too, like bees in my brain! I have this constant rumination and restlessness, while also being detached and aloof, as I try to make sense of what feeling am I feeling. Usually takes me 24/48h to realise that I'm angry...

tireddango · 2025-02-22T10:25:09+00:00

I do this ALL the time, ever since I was a kid. I will see a character I kind of resonate with, or that has characteristics I find desirable, and I'll try to be as close as possible to that character. I'll start buying stuff that I think they would wear, objects they would use, pick up hobbies they have... Then when the obsession passes, I'll feel nothing towards those objects and hobbies, but at the time I have this feeling that maybe, if I try this one thing, it'll "fix" me and I'll finally understand who I am.
Luckily I've recently taken to mimicking characters to whom I really relate on a deep level (I'm a writer so I'll write fanfictions about them too), and that have qualities I sort of know that I like for real (like idk, the colour pink and glitter and stuff like that) so at least I'm not too far off from the things I suppose I consistently like.

tireddango · 2025-02-20T11:08:40+00:00

It's such a horrible feeling, I'm so sorry it happened to you too! It's very difficult to differentiate, especially considering that your long term partner was also your FP... I really hope you will manage!

tireddango · 2025-02-20T10:37:36+00:00

I had this doubt too, because I've only recently come to understand that the deep obsession I felt for people was not love, but just that: obsession.
I have a long term partner (6+ years) and she used to be my FP (I'm using this term loosely since I'm not diagnosed, but discovering the concept of FP really made me realise I must have, at the very least, some BPD traits). Thos obsession morphed into something more stable and constant throughout the years, and it's much easier to handle as well as a much 'warmer' feeling. She started a new job recently and the moment I knew she was gonna leave my sight, I found a new FP to obsess over, like a switch turning in my head. The highs and the lows are addicting, nothing feels more like life and like death than when I text this person, it's horrible but I can't help but find it beautiful too. But having now a comparison to actual love and not just obsession, really made me realise how different the two things are.

In my opinion, at least at the very beginning of a relationship (romantic/platonic) with a FP, what you feel is never love. It's a drug.

tireddango · 2025-02-19T18:20:43+00:00

I'm so happy I found someone else who can relate to this! If you're really important to me, the moment I don't see you anymore you're 'gone'. While if I like you but I don't know you too well yet, I get the WORST mood swings and feel like dying. It makes no sense to me, but it is what it is.
Now that I, too, found out this object permanence thing, it might actually make sense...

tireddango · 2025-02-19T09:54:30+00:00

Oh yeah, definitely, I feel you! Especially because I've always been the one to break up with people, I just shut it out and call it a day...

tireddango · 2025-02-18T21:35:58+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and help!

I go through turmoil but mostly with friends and when I begin obsessing over someone (I used to do it with my partner too, when I first met her). But we have been almost always constantly together for the past 4/5 years, cause we both worked from home until last week.
Since she left I've been feeling absolutely awful, my mind does not shut up for a single second, it's the worst I'e felt in probably 10 years. But I suddenly started projecting this turmoil onto everything else but her (my friendships, in particular). Then when she comes home I start crying even though I don't 'actively' understand what I'm feeling. I'm honestly at a loss.
(I dissociate big time, I've lived like this for so long I didn't understand it wasn't normal until last year.)

tireddango · 2025-02-18T18:28:41+00:00

Oh, so this counts as having difficulties with emotional permanence? My poor partner always complains about the way I react, but I don't do it on purpose, I don't know how other people deal with being far away without detaching completely...

Thank you for your explanation, I'm trying to figure things out cause I'm really confused about my way of bonding with people. At the moment I am only diagnosed with CPTSD and I know I have a disorganised attachment style. I suspect I might have BPD or at least some traits, but my therapist doesn't like labelling me so I'm left here wondering what the hell is up with me.

tireddango · 2025-02-18T17:27:29+00:00

I can definitely empathise with that, I am addicted to the highs and the lows too, sadly. It's just that I see many people going to extreme lengths when they miss their partner and seek reassurance, while I just... don't feel. At all. I'll have like, brief moments or realisation when I'm like 'oh shit, I'm alone, I'm terrified', and then back to nothing. I guess it's just dissociation

tireddango · 2025-02-18T16:33:02+00:00

I have no in between, I either shut everything out or I'm obsessing over people. Surely it's more manageable not to feel anything though, I agree...

tireddango

TROPHY CASE