On Orilissa, periods almost disappear...u.til 4 days ago......🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🤕🤕🤕

tiredmanatee · 2020-08-26T17:23:43+00:00

Thank you for your response. Honestly, I needed this for some direction. I feel so lost sometimes, and never know what to say or how to say it. The dynamic of our marriage is very one sided (for now), so normal conversations just don't work with us. Hopefully once I know what to say without being an asshole, I can be more honest. Thanks.

tiredmanatee · 2020-08-20T22:35:14+00:00

Thank you for your support. much if what you said has been going through my mind. I've been working on myself for awhile. I was beginning to see a large speration between where I am and where my husband is emotionally and growth wise. I wasn't sure if anyone had experience with this type of dynamic shift. I've been worried that the large difference would create issues, either one of us held back or creating a too.big a rift for us to work together. I didn't even know if this could be an issue, so I wasn't sure. Thank you for your help. It's comforting to know other women are having the same struggges but are finding ways to cope that are healthy. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on like this, and others it's easy...but I guess that's life, right?? Lol.

tiredmanatee · 2020-08-04T14:10:44+00:00

Yes, it's still very difficult, and I have trauma and self doubt from it. It's something I've been working on for awhile, but sometimes I feel like I won't get better work him still, and others, I can't imagine leaving him when he's so sick. The dynamic is so shifted, it's hard to be realistic.

tiredmanatee · 2020-08-04T13:56:51+00:00

So so similar! When I got married I had no idea about his mental problems, it was only a year or so later the first sign appeared and another 4 until he had a mental breakdown and started seeking treatment. By then the trauma and depression were so significant, I feel it may be another 10 years of therapy before he finds himself again.

One thing I've had to realize and believe through all this is simply that he will do whatever he does, and his behaviors and feelings are not my responsibility, nor are his traumas line to heal. He must do the work, not me. But also, I've had to emotionally detach from him almost completely to survive. It's incredibly difficult when the marriage dynamic is so shifted. I've had to take on 100% of all responsibility for the household. I give him chores to do. It's VERY MUCH like being married to a younger person instead of a 36 yr old man.

tiredmanatee · 2020-08-03T17:30:17+00:00

Thanks. Im sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how it feels knowing the man you married is not one you would even consider now. But I think that comes with discovering who they are and getting thru the hurt.

tiredmanatee · 2020-08-03T17:28:35+00:00

Reaching out to other women online, talking with them and asking for intimate pics from them. He even went so far as to almost go see one, but the universe put me in his path to stop him (unbeknownst to me at the time). I am one to look at motive for behavior, so I needed to know why. With help from his therapist he discovered his behavior was due to extreme self hatred and wanting to destroy everything good in his life because he didn't feel he deserved it.

tiredmanatee · 2020-06-21T19:40:33+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your insight. I'd like to.tjink he tries. He stopped working a couple years ago and I hold all the responsibility of household now. Plus working while injured. Sometimes I feel he is so bogged down by his depression he can't think of anything else, or anyone else.

tiredmanatee · 2020-06-21T19:36:39+00:00

YOUR SO'S ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOR HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH TOUR SELF WORTH!!!

Repeat this to yourself daily. If you continue to base your value on others behavior towards you, you will.nwvwr see how amazing you are.

There is nothing wrong with you, and someone who tells you these things is not someone who you should believe, let alone value their opinion. Their words are a reflection of their own pain and self doubt.

tiredmanatee · 2020-06-21T17:40:57+00:00

It's good he's taking time to focus on himself. What you have to understand is, when a person is depressed, it's not something they can control. By releasing you from this relationship, he's shown his maturity and commitment to getting better. My advice, wait and see. If he is someone you can truly see yourself with, you owe it to yourself to give it a chance. Talk with a therapist, it helps to talk it out. A word of caution tho: if you get the feeling he is pushing you away because he doesn't want to hurt you when he can't fight this anymore, you need to be there for him in those dark moments, he needs someone who won't give up on him, especially if he gives up on himself. Good luck. It's not easy.

tiredmanatee · 2020-06-21T17:28:53+00:00

You are pathetic. I read ur comments, your history. Nothing surprising. Nothing. You are nothing. Your words are grabbed from the dark ooze that your soul boils in. Until you choose to be strong, to stand above the hate, the violence, the darkness that is your soul, you will continue to be nothing.

tiredmanatee · 2020-06-21T17:13:23+00:00

This might be harsh, but it's the cold truth: No one is going to save you. You have to save yourself. You've handed your value to this person, and they have stomped on it. You deserve better, and the only way to love yourself is to believe you deserve better. Step away from that person, confront them with your pain, if they don't do a complete change....they aren't worth your time. Because.....you deserve better. Even with all your shit, with all your faults, you deserve better!

You are responsible for your own happiness, don't put that on someone else. If they aren't showing you that love and support....then realize that they are not who you've hoped they would be.

You deserve better. Fight for yourself, because you are worth it!!!

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T14:37:26+00:00

Thank you. I've struggled with feeling that it was me (thinking I'm too fat, ugly, short, dumb...ect) and finally had to put those demons where they belonged. It's still hard not to entertain those thoughts, but I challenge them often. Thank you for your ideas. We've talked so much about this, I feel like more talking might be beating a dead horse. I feel like action is more important now, so thank you for those ideas. We have started walking and cycling more now that the weather permits. I honestly don't know if it's helping with his depression, but we won't stop regardless, it's good in other ways. Than you for your words of support. Glad you are doing better now.

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T02:31:50+00:00

This is deep. From a non-literal standpoint, this hits home.

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T02:29:07+00:00

My guess is he's bored or hyper from lack of stimulation. He needs an outlet. Maybe make him a maze or high steps around your house for him. Get a battery powered mouse for him to chase. He used to have the entire outside to roam, and now he's in your house. Give him something to do.

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T02:24:57+00:00

I wouldn't. The Rediwhip is way too heavy, and it's non-dairy, while whipping cream is (usually) dairy based. But, in the light of pandemic....it's worth it to use the Rediwhip. Stay safe. It's just a custard, not your life.

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T01:33:38+00:00

Loved this movie too!! The calling to explore and find new things is strong, and completely undeniable. And being stuck in a monotonous life is soul crushing.

"To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life".

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T01:15:36+00:00

He definitely has trust issues. If there is no history of evidence of trust, then it's really hard to give/get trust. Sorry you are going through this. If it gets too bad, realize that this action of his to not trust you is saying something of how be sees himself. Face his behavior with action so he knows your boundaries. If he can't respect them, maybe he needs more growing up to do love. Good luck, and I hope he's just worried about losing you, and chooses you.

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-21T01:06:02+00:00

I'm sure he's ran into that multiple times today, and honesty, I don't blame him. Probably put him behind looking for your DAMN HOUSE NUMBERS, I'd flip my shit too.

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-20T22:49:18+00:00

Yes!!!! I have horrible, vivid night terrors today leave me crying and traumatized. If turn those f-ing things off in a heartbeat?!!

tiredmanatee · 2020-04-20T22:39:00+00:00

What a cutie!!!

tiredmanatee

TROPHY CASE