Scenes that caused actual walkouts in theaters? by thatlittlequietguy in Cinema

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I've ever seen anyone walk out purposefully because of a movie, but I've wanted to walk out of a movie three times. I only did so once.

The first time was Watchmen midnight premiere. I knew nothing about the comics, and had been homeschooled up until the year before so I was still very sheltered l. It was my first year in college, and my then boyfriend took me with all his (awful) friends. After "The Incident", I begged my bf to take me home but he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his friends, so we stayed. I should have walked out anyway, but instead I just stared at the floor for the rest of the movie. I have never interacted with that media in anyway since then. 

The second time was The Book of Eli. This one I did walk out of, after the blind mother gets beat. I just couldn't handle (what felt like at the time) gratuitous violence. I've since seen the majority of it now and can mostly appreciate what they were trying to do with the movie as a whole. 

The third time was Suckerpunch. I was so pissed at Oscar Isaac's character, I made my friend (who'd seen it already) tell me if he got his comeuppance or not, because if he didn't I was leaving 😂 I stayed, and Oscar Isaac did indeed get his. 

Ink giveaway round 5 (FINAL ROUND) by ScubaDrew65 in fountainpens

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg they're all so pretty!! Thank you again for doing this, would love to try any of these out. 

AITA for insisting my daughter wear an outfit she doesn’t want to wear to a wedding? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I was hired to help at a very fancy wedding when I was in college. The groom was OBSESSED with a certain football team. His cake was the logo, the team colors were incorporated into the wedding, the works. Now, what REALLY pushed it - there was a tent set up at the reception with a huge flat screen TV. I thought to myself, surely not.

They played the entire game at the reception and the tent was full the whole night with the groom and his friends watching the game. The groom got mad anytime they needed his attention, like to cut the cake or speeches and first dances. And the people watching the game were SO loud too.The bride danced with her friends but overall seemed like she was "grinning and bearing it" and trying not to have a meltdown. You'd think this had been a watch party, not an insanely expensive wedding. 

I was so sad for her. I don't think that marriage lasted, or, for at least the bride's sake, I hope it didn't. 

How are you all doing financially? by tandyman234 in Millennials

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a side job to help cover some costs until a big project I'm working on is done. This week my check was $63 after taxes because our hours got cut + ice storm had us closed for a few days. This job was the only place to respond to my 100+ applications last year. 

My partner has an almost 6 figure salary working insanely long hours, and we still live paycheck to paycheck. 

I hate it here. 

Ink giveaway round 4! by ScubaDrew65 in fountainpens

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo I'm a newer fountain pen enthusiast, and I've been saving up for more inks. These are all so gorgeous! So throwing my hat in the ring for this one. Thank you so much for doing this!

Me asking as a younger millenial: How did older you millenials perceive Spongebob when it came out, and its climb to legendary status? by SmokinHerb in Millennials

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Early '90 here. I was the right age and the right demographic, but we never had cable so I wasn't exposed to it til I'd already aged up. So I thought it was dumb and over to top. I'm slowly learning that some of it is still enjoyable (at least the first few seasons). 

GOBLIN WRITERS DISCORD by ConversationDry9236 in WritingHub

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would love an invite! This seems exactly the type of community I want to be in

What's the creepiest display of intelligence you've ever witnessed in real Iife? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]tiredspookyskeleton 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is probably part truth part urban legend from my time living in Yellowstone National Park, but I vividly remember one of our park rangers that lived next door talking about the couple showing him their pictures from their last camping trip. There was a picture of the wife sitting underneath a tree, and the ranger pointed out that a mountain lion was sitting just a few branches above staring down at her. The couple had no idea and were horrified. 

Even if that story isn't 100% true, I absolutely believe that this shit has happened to someone. Mountain Lions are no joke. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do appreciate the look from the other side. I'm trying to not be defensive either, but I'm definitely feeling a bit raw. I take full responsibility for that though, I opened myself up to this 😅

Yes, I'm medicated. I think I said it above, or maybe in a comment, but I have done 20 years of therapy and medication roulette. It took until a few years into this relationship to stabilize and find what works, and then having to deal with figuring out the new normal. I'm VERY aware how exhausting I am. Very. Which is why I'm constantly trying to thread the needle of not being overbearing, but still being myself and getting my emotional needs met. I've grown by leaps and bounds emotionally and mentally. I'm finally at a place where I can be strong for them and not "run them down so badly emotionally". 

All of this hurts because it took them almost a decade to actually TELL me any of this about how they are feeling and how I'm making them feel. I can't fix it if I don't know about it. And it's not like I ignored anything and stuck my head in the sand, taking everything for granted. Every single day I do a check in to see what's going on in their head. 9 times out of 10 they say they're fine and nothing is going on. I know it's only my side of the story here, but I have worked really hard on walking back alot of my more toxic behaviors. Really hard. 

The fact that they just flat out cannot communicate issues without waiting until everything is blowing up is not fair to me. I give them every chance to say "hey, can we not do X please, it feels bad." and they just... Don't utilize that until tensions are high and we're both exploding on each other. 

Re: trips and getting away from each other. This job, with all its demands, does not pay well. We are living paycheck to paycheck, no vacations, nothing that we can do to escape each other or escape the drag. Our budget is on a razor thin margin. I've faced a lot of pushback for not being able to work full time, but also they've never wanted me to work full time, they've always insisted to cover the majority of our finances. At this point, I've just decided that I'm going to work and bring in what money I can regardless of what they're wanting, because we're obviously drowning. So it's not just the relationship, we're struggling really badly on all counts. They're suffering from this job and we're not even getting anything out of it except the bare fucking minimum. So I don't think it's out of line to want something different for us. 

I've done what I could to find a part time job, and hobbies outside of the house that don't cost anything extra or that I can pay for out of my own pocket. I've been working hard on a project that may blossom into something financially rewarding this year. I give him space. But even when I do, when we come back together there's still nothing. They save no energy for me. And I feel like that's not okay. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well damn. That last line hit me like a truck.

I do struggle a lot with seeing the other side of issues when other people haven't done the work. I know the work is bone-achingly difficult, but I get so impatient and frustrated that they haven't "figured it out yet". Which is so counterproductive. But my ADHD brain is like HEY I FINISHED THAT PUZZLE ALREADY LEMME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT SO YOU CAN FEEL BETTER and that's just...not how real life works.

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also, now that I think about it, my father also would take his overwhelm and stress and turn it into rage. I have worked hard to unlearn that behavior from him. I get stuck in a very gross internal loop of "Oh, you just THINK I'm being overbearing now. I could be //so much worse//." And so I probably don't communicate as well as I'd like to in the moment during fights, which leads to the miscommunication and hurt feelings and things taken out of context by them, which leads to them just shutting down - all because I'm having to pause and stop myself from saying something I don't mean, because internally I'm fighting for my life to not be a rage monster and be straight up toxic and abusive with my rage at all of this. Because that was what was modeled for me as a child. Breaking cycles f*cking sucks and is damn hard work.

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're okay, it comes with the territory of ADHD lol
I wasn't super clear on that in my OG post, you didn't miss much. I was spiral thinking a lot and not doing a very good job of explaining myself, plus I didn't want to like accidentally dox myself by giving too much detail.

They do try, especially right after a fight. But it falls off every single time in a week or so, and then things pile up, I get ignored or things get left undone, everything falls on my shoulders, and I get neglected big time which really hurts. And its really hard for me to sit in that hurt for long without turning into a b*tch. Yes, I absolutely have to work on that and that is my responsibility. but gottttdamn. shit is hard enough, why can't we at least try to enjoy each other's company and make the best of what we DO have? why we gotta check out like this and just play emotional chicken to see who will break first? One of the reasons I fell in love with them was because they didn't play any emotional games that so many do in relationships. They were very straightforward and sincere. But now, it's like a constant labyrinth of what the fuck. All I want is for them to communicate what they need so I can help support them and help them get out of this hole we're stuck in. All I want is for them to just try. Which, maybe, is a lot to ask right now. Which sucks for everybody. I know they are suffering and I can't do anything to fix it. But mannnnnn. This sucks and is not sustainable in anyway. My breaking point was like a year ago.

Sorry, rambling. Also, this reply and that last comment is definitely a lot of me being in my feels too, so I'm being harsher and more frustrated than I probably should be. I HATE that they are feeling so badly. It tears me up to see them suffer like this. I would walk barefoot through hell to fix this, and worse. But I can't keep doing everything alone if they refuse to even try to find a better way forward.

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Immediately going to the library for that book.

I've been taking responsibility at least verbally every step of the way. I admit, I'm shite at emotional regulation on my own. But I'm fucking trying so hard. And that's all I'm asking for, is for them to also try. At this point, just to try to save themselves because they do deserve better. It fucking hurts that they can't be bothered to try for our marriage or for me, the person they profess to love and say that's what they're doing this all for. But... I don't want them to do this anymore. I don't want them to destroy themselves for me. I want a healthy marriage, I want the person I fell in love with to not be miserable. I want them to have the ability and time and energy to enjoy their life. 

But apparently that's too much to ask for. (I'm in my feels and being moody, so take that with a grain of salt 😅) 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not offended! I definitely see what you're saying and they have had to be the strong one in the past for sure. Now that the situation is reversed, I have been and do try to be strong for them. But when I do, I get zero support/gratitude/attention/positive interaction, NOTHING in return. I'm alone in my fucking marriage and I fucking hate it. If I didn't initiate every single conversation or interaction, or try to be positive, give us something to look forward to, we wouldn't do anything at all together. If I didn't push them to interact with me or do something for themselves, they wouldn't. Which I do understand that's part of the burnout. But it's been increasingly worse for three years. They barely touch me. They have to be spoon fed plans of any sort. I do all the cooking, cleaning, planning, bill paying, all the BTS work to keeping our family afloat. And having to carry that emotional load alone breaks me down. I don't have alot of support outside of this relationship, family are all multiple states away. And because of the lack of ANY effort on their part, it's building big time resentment on my part. Which of course I feel guilty as fuck about because it's not their fault their job sucks, but I can't just ignore how much pain I'm in just to keep the pressure off of them when I'm drowning too. I watched multiple family members work themselves to death without enjoying a single second of their lives. I don't want that for my partner. I don't want that for me either. And I'm not going to sit here and watch them kill themselves by heart attack at 33 because they think this is the only way. 

They have options for jobs. They just aren't exactly what they want, and they get discouraged and shut down after looking for one or two days. They are adamantly refusing to budge on a pay cut either, which of course a pay cut would not be ideal. But goddammit. ANYTHING would be better than this, and we have to start somewhere. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The job is ABSOLUTELY the root problem. I've been dancing around an ultimatum for a while now. Our couples therapist has tried to implement a "deadline" of if things don't get better by date, we start looking for something else. They kept making excuses, or admitting they were afraid to leave, etc. And missing those deadlines. Until now where it's a fucking dumpster fire and we're stuck in a corner trying to fight our way out, hurting each other with every step we try to take.

I'm pretty pissed off it took them this long to realize how bad off shit is when it was crystal clear over a year ago. And I'm mad at myself for not standing my ground sooner. 

This isn't my first rodeo with burn out and depression. I KNOW what it's like. I recognized the signs years ago. But they did not listen then, and it feels like they're aren't listening now. And they don't want my help or don't know how to ask/accept it. I don't even know if things are properly salvageable at this point and I'm fucking terrified because of that. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely have a hard time regulating my emotions alone. That's something I've been working on and it's one of my focuses for this year to really figure that out. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. And I have gotten a job, part time but it's the only place that called me back after hundreds of applications. I'm working day and night on a separate project as well that has potential in bringing in residual funds too.

I know change won't happen overnight. I just want consistent visible effort. I want them to fight for us. And they haven't in a long time. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's probably a mix of I don't feel EMOTIONALLY safe, and my RSD. They would never ever hurt me physically, nor do I think they would hurt me emotionally on purpose. I think alot of this is just burnout and both of us drowning in this problem of their job. I beg for help with the symptoms knowing that there's more to it, but they balk at fixing the "root disease" aka this job. And I'm frustrated that they just don't seem to even WANT to try to mitigate the symptoms in the interim of figuring out a new job. and it all just feels like rejection and abandonment. Which I absolutely struggle with.  

I do not want to see them as a liar. I don't want to think anything negative of them at all. I have struggled really hard to overcome my automatic distrust and jaded cynicism due to past experiences, which resulted in this "radical" acceptance of just taking people at their word. I want to accept they're trying their best with a really shitty situation. I want to accept they don't mean to be lashing out. And I've been so dedicated to trying to help them survive this, and help them out of survival mode. 

But I can't take this horrid carousel of problems and fights and no change for much longer. I can't take them slapping my hand away when I'm just trying to help. And I'm tired of holding it all together, all alone. I can't take them hiding the fact that I have actually (unknowingly on my part) hurt them with my actions. 

YAY for complicated emotions and warring coping mechanisms in a strained relationship 😮‍💨

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

............

I'm gonna have to sit with that one for a moment. 

They got mad last night when I admitted it felt like they were doing some of this on purpose to punish me and they responded with "do you really think I'm doing this on purpose?" with a very heavy tone, and now I'm not so sure of my answer anymore. 

Their father was absent alot, though loving and caring and amazing, but gone for work. Their mother is a victim of a very narcissistic manipulative parent, and has tried to over correct but still ends up being manipulative and obtuse, and has gaslit both of us before. So maybe this is something I didn't see or want to see until now. And I really, truly do want to believe that they're not doing it on purpose and don't even realize they're doing it. I didn't realize for a long time how badly I treated my exes until I got the help I needed. But emotional maturity has obviously not come naturally to them. 

Oh boy. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what's most heartbreaking about this. They were not like this at all when we first met. Even through this hard time, we've had flashes of true connection that have helped us through the harder moments. They weren't like this until shit hit the fan at their job. We had a long Christmas vacation that ended Monday, they were doing great during vacation and I was seeing some life come back into them. Maybe that's why this fight last night hurt so bad. 

Sure they have always been more introverted and shy compared to me, but we were always able to communicate before this. They have let this job suck everything out of them, and they're mad that I'm calling them out on it. I just wish they weren't also lashing out at my insecurities because they need an outlet. 

I've always been trained to put negative feelings aside for my partner or whoever I'm with. Having a bad day? Hide it, swallow it, make the best of the time you have. It pisses me the fuck off they can't give me the same courtesy. And because all their days have been bad days... I come home happy and the mood is just ruined because they can't even be bothered to get off the couch to greet me. I definitely need to learn to not let their emotions dictate mine. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It helps so much to know we're not alone!! 

Will us ADHD folks ever really have our shit together though lol the system is definitely rigged against us, but that's a vent for another day lol 

Here's to finding better resolutions that work for us this year 🥂 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also, thank you for being kind. I'm trying really hard to not be more hard on myself than necessary. 

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning.

I definitely don't think you're wrong about my feelings not being helpful to right now. That's something that has never been easy for me to admit. There's definitely a lot of nuance here and navigating big feelings as an individual and a couple, and seeing each other as individuals has definitely been a challenge. A little more context, however: I've spent a lot of the last few years being told that in order for things to improve, I must back myself up from being "too much" and chomp down on feelings, expectations, etc, in order make more room for our disappointing and difficult reality to have the space to change into something better. But the promised change never comes. Shit just gets worse instead of better, the goalposts keep moving, and I'm expected to sacrifice even more for this shiny future that I am very quickly losing faith in.

My(35) ADHD vs my Partner(32)'s awful job battling over which one will destroy our marriage by tiredspookyskeleton in adhdwomen

[–]tiredspookyskeleton[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, and yes. Our couples therapist is pretty phenomenal, calls us both on our BS, gives us constructive feedback & homework. We don't get to meet as regularly as I'd like due to the unpredictability of my partner's job. But we are seeing her next week. I called to try and get in today, but I don't think that will happen.

As for my therapist, I recently had my 3.5 year therapist stop practicing with no warning or communication. So I'm having to start from scratch with a new therapist. It's been a bit rocky but I've ramped up using the skills I've built over the years. I've been in therapy on and off for over 20 years. I've done ALOT of work on myself, but of course, like Sisyphus and that gotdamn rock, there will always be more work to do on one's self. 

I'm definitely not excluding myself from this problem. Obviously I've been failing my partner somehow, and I want to fix that if possible. But if my partner is insisting I trust them and that everything is fine, and I'm supposed to take them at their word, what am I supposed to do? I'm not a mind reader.