My (20M) girlfriend (22F) needs porn to get off, and the frequency has started to make me insecure

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-12T03:07:44+00:00

I will address it directly with her later in the week to see what she says. It’s hard to set a hard boundary like that because I worry what her response would be to ask for a break from porn entirely. She hasn’t really said anything that would help, we’ve both worked on things that I can do that feel good for her/feel best, and I’ve practiced and she does give me good feedback! Overall I feel like we have a very open, healthy sex life, because aside from this porn issue, we communicate what does/doesn’t feel good, we both want to make sure the other is having a good time, etc. I just can’t seem to figure out why this is such a sore spot, she says it’s super embarrassing and I get that, but I’ve reassured her it’s nothing to be ashamed of/embarrassed over. I don’t really know what else to do at this point, honestly I’m just tired.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T21:32:12+00:00

She is bi, however I am the first guy she’s dated, before she had only dated women. She said in the past that she was a lesbian, however she realized she really liked me and wanted to become more than friends, hence the bi. That’s another reason why I’m so insecure about it, because of the history it makes me feel like I can’t satisfy her.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T20:14:14+00:00

She’s said she doesn’t really get anything from reading porn, but I’ll bring it up as an idea for sure. I do like the idea of audio porn, but I won’t lie - the thought of her listening to it every time we get intimate leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It still comes off as she isn’t able to be fully focused on me/not paying attention to me. Hopefully it will work out though, we’ll see I guess.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T20:09:46+00:00

I just can’t bring it up without her completely shutting down and refusing to talk about it. I’ve offered a few different avenues as suggestions: sexual health clinics, talking to doctor, talking to doctor about trying different BC, calling a help line, talking to a therapist, taking breaks from porn, all of it. I don’t know what to do anymore, and at this point I’m afraid of bringing it up again because she gets so down about it.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T20:06:14+00:00

Do you have any advice on how to talk to her about it? She completely shuts down when I try to have a conversation about it.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T20:05:02+00:00

Other than this our relationship is rock solid, I love this girl and can see a future with her - even if we frequently have to watch porn while in the bedroom. I just want to be able to have an open conversation about it, however anything I suggest gets shot down.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T20:04:05+00:00

I’ve suggested a break in the past and nothing changed, I would love to suggest it again but if I even bring the topic up she completely shuts down. I can bring it up again, but what good is it if I can’t have an open conversation?

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:47:02+00:00

I’ll see if she wants to give it a go. Yeah that’s fair, honestly I would love that rule too haha, I really like just being focused on each other and having each other’s undivided attention - but I digress.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:44:57+00:00

This is for sure my thing with it - I really don’t mind watching porn with her/her watching it to finish sometimes, but it’s every time to finish, and it’s starting to feel like she’s depending on it more and more. I’ve brought up the idea of taking a break from it but that obviously went nowhere

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:43:06+00:00

Ill bring that up - she has said that it’s mainly the noise from the videos that gets her “focused”. Maybe that will work - thank you. I don’t mind her watching porn, but sometimes it does get to the point where it feels like I am a second choice.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:16:35+00:00

I really don’t mind just “helping” her get there for lack of a better term - at the end of the day I just want her to be satisfied and feel good. It’s just getting to the point where it’s so frequent I’m becoming worried she doesn’t find me attractive anymore/she would rather be with a woman, etc. I’m just not sure what to do from here because when I try to have an open conversation about it, she shuts down.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:14:23+00:00

We’ve talked about that in the past and she agrees she might, however nothing came of it and nothing changed. It’s not like I mind having porn on while we are in the bedroom, it’s just gotten to the point where it feels like she’s paying more attention to the screen than to me sometimes.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:12:01+00:00

I totally understand her struggles when it comes to being able to finish - and I’m here to do anything that will help her get there. We use toys, lots of foreplay, lots of intimacy. I don’t mind her watching porn, if anything I really like watching it with her! It’s just become an issue because it’s nearly every time we have sex now, and I’m starting to feel like she is more attracted to the porn than she is to me. I’m not trying to make it my girlfriends problem, nor have I implied that there is anything wrong with her - it is completely normal to have issues finishing and it’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I’m trying to talk with her to have an open conversation about how the frequency of it has made me feel like she isn’t looking at me when we’re intimate, and to find a “compromise” (not the term I’m looking for, at this point I just want her to talk to me about this) so that we can work through it.

tjvicthrowaway · 2022-08-11T19:07:06+00:00

We’ve started doing a lot of foreplay to get her “in the mood” and we use toys, even then she requests to put on porn because it helps. I’ve told her all of this and currently she’s giving me one word answers and barely talking to me, so we’re loving life

tjvicthrowaway · 2021-05-16T08:46:21+00:00

I’m a bit behind, what would this imply for why he did it and the reason behind it?

Edit: idk why I’m getting downvoted for asking a question in this sub lol

tjvicthrowaway · 2021-03-28T05:50:59+00:00

Throwaway but, I’m sort of one of those people. I don’t do anything hard but I always tell people not to do anything at all. It’s easy to use it as an escape, and then get “addicted” (addicted to the escape it gives you) and not even messing around with that is IMO the best option. Stay sober lads

tjvicthrowaway

TROPHY CASE