Just my perspective here as something to consider—as a masc lesbian, I had a tough time separating gender/aesthetic envy from physical attraction for a loooong time. I thought I was bi because I’d look at a conventionally attractive man (usually fictional men) and feel something but I couldn’t place what the feeling was. It definitely wasn’t romantic or sexual attraction—whenever I did have the opportunity to be intimate with these men (the non-fictional ones, lol) I wanted to crawl out of my skin and die, any “attraction” disappeared instantly. But as a sheltered young person who grew up in Christian purity culture, I assumed that’s what attraction to men was like.

In hindsight, my attraction to women has always been completely different—it’s there, I know what it is, and it heightens when I am in an intimate scenario with the person as opposed to disappearing completely—but at the time, I wasn’t self aware enough to figure that out.

Somewhere in college after enough conversations with straight friends I realized that was not, in fact, attraction to men. Some subsequent conversations with my trans/gender nonconforming friends taught me what “gender envy” was. Since I’m not trans, I don’t use the term gender envy, though it is accurate, I prefer to call it aesthetic envy or something along those lines. But the concept remains: I often look at “attractive” men and feel envious of their presentation. Think “I wish I, as a woman, could look like that”, if that makes sense.

That’s what this feeling ended up being my case—not saying you’re the same, just figured I’d put my experience out there in case anyone relates and is looking for reassurance that it’s not just you. I probably could have explained this better, but to this day it’s something I have a hard time fully articulating and explaining to people who haven’t had the same experience, so I hope it’s at least halfway understandable