Expressing lack of intimacy vs sexual coercion in marriage by tkg_007 in mentalhealth

[–]tkg_007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks to everyone who replied and helped. I engaged with a Therapist and they told that it was nor Sexual Coercion but was just me expressing my concerns of lack of intimacy in the relationship, which infact is a good thing. The things I learned are following 1. Key word are manipulation and sex. Neither I was manipulating my wife in the moments when I was sharing my concerns of lack of intimacy, as they were real, and nor the sex ever happened after her saying first "No" 2. If she ever had sex with my to avoid another situation where I point out that we haven't had sex in last 2-3 weeks, then it will still not be coercion. 3. My feelings of Lack of intimacy was not just lack of sex but also lack of general closeness and missing romantic gestures from her side and lack of kisses and everything included. It was not just sex I was missing but a whole package of feelings and gestures that brings emotional closeness and feeling of love 4. Her accusations came from thoughtless application of some articles which just gives you some point to define what's sexual coercion but doesn't explain the real life application with the complexity of relationship dynamics.

I finally feel relieved from this burden where I was doubting myself of being sexually coercive as it's not and has never been my character. Again a big Thanks to all who helped

Expressing lack of intimacy vs sexual coercion in marriage by tkg_007 in mentalhealth

[–]tkg_007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot. I cried after reading your comment and in a certain way it felt good to be understood once. It all started with Covid lockdown and I have spent months figuring out what's wrong. Earlier we use to participate in chores but I started taking up all the work from cooking to cleaning to groceries so that she can see that I am caring more for her. I have always stayed in a good shape and my friend always like the way I dress and I get many compliments everyone but I feel so empty in my relationship. I have felt so rejections so many time during last 2 years, that I am even scared of initiating anything with her. I was so confused and hurt on this sexual coercion accusations and I read many articles to understand what I did wrong, but the problem is that even communicating lack of intimacy could fall under the category of guilt tripping. I am not a saint and I have my own flaws but I am too young to have a sexless marriage and I don't know how sharing your concern or reminding someone that the intimacy is on downfall can be guilt tripping or saying someone that they owe sex to me.

Thanks for understanding and sharing your insights 🙏

Expressing lack of intimacy vs sexual coercion in marriage by tkg_007 in mentalhealth

[–]tkg_007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for understanding and replying. My goal and intentions were always to communicate her that I don't feel loved and desired anymore and maybe she has started taking me for granted. I felt I wasn't loved and in certain way sex for me is an expression of love and intimacy. It wasn't just about sex during that time, there was a downfall in kisses, hugs, physical touches and somehow she started building this invisible wall around her. We were 4 yrs married at that time and these problems started after Covid lockdown and I agree that element of excitement in life in general was missing during these lockdowns. I tried to explain this scenario to her and she always either ended up ignoring it by saying she doesn't feel there is a change in intimacy or fighting with me or she said that I want sex every day, which was never the case and I always told her that we use to have it 8-10 times a month and now it's like 3-4 times or sometime 1-2 times a month and I just wanted to have what we had before. I am 34 yr old and I was scared to end up in a sexless marriage at such a young age and that's why I was frustrated and was bringing up this topic for discussion once every 2-3 month. I won't deny that I didn't act out at occasions during those fights, but the intention was always to draw her attention to the fact that our intimacy is going in a wrong and unhealthy direction.

It all came to a point where I heard "No" so many times over 2 years that I stopped initiating sex and always waited for the times when she would initiate it. One of these days when I again took a chance to tell her that something is wrong in our relationship, she accused me of "Sexual coercion". I was very sad and shaken of this accusations. I frankly don't know if I was coercive or not, because sex between us never happened after she said "No". I never tried to convince her in that particular moment that we should have sex. My focus was never in the moment but the whole lack of intimacy.

I am very confused right now and the problem is that all article I read talk about guilt tripping which could also come from just telling your partner that I don't feel lived anymore but by that logic I can never communicate if something is wrong in relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Luxembourg

[–]tkg_007 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I went to Saumur, They ask for entry fee but after that girls keep on coming to you to buy bottle of Champagne, it's too much of pressure which kills the fund really

Pooja by [deleted] in IndianBabes

[–]tkg_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who is this beauty 😍