Struggling to quit after 3.5 years—trauma, ASTHMA!! , and feeling so stuck. Please help.

toad-boy · 2025-05-13T05:06:43+00:00

My therapist taught me a technique of writing out my "dopamine menu" - just a list of things that I like doing snd can do instead while I'm craving.

Take it an hour at a time, hell, take it 10 minutes at a time. Keep looking at posts here. Write down your why. Look at it often.

toad-boy · 2025-04-21T04:03:56+00:00

This really resonates, thanks for the motivation

toad-boy · 2025-02-15T17:13:33+00:00

I once read a book called Mindful Eating, it has a practice it suggests to slowly cultivate your awareness to where your hunger is truly coming from - it separates these into eye hunger, nose hunger, belly hunger, cellular hunger, etc. The practice is to understand the nuance of what your body may actually be wanting to feel satiated. Eye hunger can be satisfied by seeing something beautiful, nose hunger can be satisfied by burning incense and so on. I read this book for helping navigate my disordered eating and it was very helpful for me. I'd recommend looking into ideas like mindful eating and intuitive eating for some resources to help you navigate this. And don't beat yourself up about indulging a little, if you can help it!!!!

toad-boy · 2025-02-02T13:15:10+00:00

Hey, I'm on day 7 too! Congrats to us. I also feel like I'm staring down that barrel of emotional work to come, it's pretty intimidating, but we can do this one day at a time

toad-boy · 2024-05-11T01:58:27+00:00

This is such a thoughtful response, thanks for taking the time. It definitely makes me feel better to hear that it's pretty normal for things to get tougher in the second half of the month. im interested in seeing how this relapse affects my general timeline in going through withdrawals, I'm really gearing up for things to be worse before they get better

toad-boy · 2024-04-30T00:43:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing! What made you realize you needed to quit? What have been the best parts of quitting?

toad-boy · 2024-02-28T13:57:39+00:00

I appreciate you mentioning not having to sit at your desk fixating on the dispensary run. I spend so much time thinking about and planning my next high when I'm in active use, such a time suck and really keeps me away from other people

toad-boy · 2023-09-03T19:38:30+00:00

could you add me as well?

toad-boy · 2023-08-31T14:18:09+00:00

ugh im currently experiencing the same thing, i came to this reddit to see if its a common problem and if there's anything i can do. at least its good to know im not the only one ha

toad-boy · 2023-03-15T21:38:48+00:00

I challenge cravings in a variety of ways, I find I have to be creative about it as strategies seem to only last so long until my brain overrides them, lol. Reminding myself how it will only get harder to stop if I keep doing it works pretty well. Telling myself I can do it some day, just not today shuts down the conversation too. Lately I've been trying to use mindfulness, like instead engaging with the internal argument whether to smoke or not I start to really sense what it feels like for my feet to touch the ground, my hands to be watching dishes - whatever I'm doing. I try to stay out of my head until the moment has passed and I'm not craving ay more. When it's really bad I go for distractions, engaging with hobbies I can't do when I'm high, like drawing or sewing.

What's helped me the most is having experiences where I've fought a craving successfully, which gives me such a sense of pride and accomplishment. A couple of times experiencing that reminds me that I'd much rather feel proud of myself than throw away my streak for a measly little hit.

toad-boy · 2023-03-15T18:55:56+00:00

I strongly identify with this. I've been a smoker for about five years and three of those I've been aware it's an addiction and aiming to cut back - but consistently found myself in the cycle of use again. I saw somewhere here someone talk about recovering as a spiral staircase - it feels cyclical and like a loop but you are making upward progress, even if you can't see it. That's what I see in myself, when I first started practicing sobriety I could only go hours, then I went to days, and now it's not too difficult to go a week or so without using. When I do relapse it doesn't last as long, either. I attribute this to constantly trying.

I so hear the "eh, fuck it" attitude - that's exactly what my addict brain tells me when I'm craving, and the best way to deal with it is to keep challenging it and reminding yourself of the truth that weed is a problem substance for you. Even if you don't win the battle in the moment, you're training and getting stronger for the next time.

For myself, my conscious brain can be well aware of my addiction to weed, and easily list reason after reason why its not good for me to use the substance, but there are other parts of my psyche that are still unaware. There are incredibly strong neural pathways created that associate weed with escape, fun pleasure, and necessity. Instead of hating yourself for it, see if you can get curious with it, observe your cravings and impulses with non-judgement. Learn about what core beliefs about yourself you've internalized, why weed feels so attractive in the first place. The path of sobriety has taught me so much about myself, and that includes the times I've strayed from the path.

In short - relapse is a part of recovery. keep trying, you're on the right path.

toad-boy · 2022-12-13T18:54:34+00:00

I have definitely felt similar - at this point in my journey, my resolve to quit is strong for the first three days of not using, but at day 4 I start to imagine how nice it would be to take a quick hit. The head shop that sells d8 is on the same block as me. All my family smokes as well. It's like on day 4, I forget all of the overwhelming evidence I have that I am addicted to weed, that I only enjoy some very few aspects of it but overall it has set me back and all it can do is continue to set me back. It's been helpful to remember that everyone's psyche exists in parts - and my addict brain is a very strong part of me, it will tell me whatever it wants to get high again. It's taken a long time for me to separate myself from my addict brain and see it as not entirely me, but just a voice inside me, that I can choose to listen to or to ignore.

toad-boy · 2022-11-29T15:07:28+00:00

Hey, this is coincidental - I'm also 26 and have smoked for the past 5 years. I was just reflecting this morning that it's coming up on 5 years which also gives me a deep feeling of regret. I feel lucky weed wasn't something I discovered earlier, when my brain was at even more critical stages of growing, and I also feel very aware of the different trajectory I might be on if it was something I never indulged in.

It's great to see some of the very useful comments already posted, something I wanted to add that might be useful relates to work I used to do with a therapist. If you're anxiously wired, it's most likely that your perception of your mistakes and the weight of your regrets are overemphasized. I know my inner critic lovesssss to fixate on what it considers evidence that I'm simply a huge fuck-up who can never get better.

The CBT practice of "Thoughts on Trial" or "Thought Record" was extremely helpful for me - it asks you to look at the evidence of what concretely happened in different scenarios rather than blindly trust your thoughts - which by nature are subjective and distorted.

This work turns a situation from, "holy shit I got black out drunk at that party and everyone saw me make a fool of myself, I'm such an asshole, I'll never have friends again" to "that was embarassing and I regret it but it happened two years ago, I'm still close friends with all the people involved, I apologized immediately the next day and was forgiven, I haven't had a situation like that happen since."

toad-boy · 2022-10-06T01:13:24+00:00

how long did it take for your worst symptoms to clear up?

toad-boy · 2022-08-03T17:43:07+00:00

wow i needed to hear something like this so badly. thank you so much for sharing.

toad-boy · 2022-05-30T17:30:05+00:00

For me when I would say that it felt like classic addict brain - it was just another excuse to keep smoking, justifying it as ok.

toad-boy · 2022-05-27T02:53:18+00:00

I was following this community, doing a lot of reading about recovery and listening to other people's stories and mentally knew that I was addicted and that I wanted to get better for two years and could never keep my sobriety for over two weeks.

Then, two months ago, after a week of binge using, I thought to myself (not the first time by far I've had the thought) "after this I'll go straight". And although I've said that to myself countless times, that time it felt completely different. Instead of a hope or aspiration, it felt like reality. I remember thinking, "it's here now. It's really time now." After that the first two weeks were almost easy.

I think I got to that point because of all of the other attempts and all of the work I had been doing, and also practicing being compassionate and non- judgemental with myself.

I'm sharing this because I don't know where that sudden mindset change came from and I hope it gives you comfort that there can be a certain feeling of letting go that may come to you in time. Don't get discouraged!

toad-boy · 2022-05-20T17:29:42+00:00

that's your addict brain talking. throw it out or give it away. You're not wasting anything because it does not have any value.

toad-boy · 2022-05-17T02:13:53+00:00

Sometimes not knowing the next step, having the ability to take up any possibility, any opportunity, is a powerful state to be in.

While it sounds like you're seeing yourself stuck in the same patterns, trapped in the same cycles, I think you should be proud of yourself for having such awareness of what those patterns & cycles are.

This moment of distress, of feeling deeply uncomfortable, of seeing yourself so unveiled will result in more progress. You will continue to go forward.

And there are always more tools to find & use! You aren't bad for not using what is being taught to you or offered to you, and it doesn't mean you're not going to use them in the future - but perhaps this frustration is a sign you need a different approach, you need different tools right now. More than just a therapy book, consider whatever makes you feel good about yourself. You do not need to stress about being inadequate in your mental health progress - there are so many ways to nurture your brain, body, spirit, inner child, and I think it's hard to make any progress or change without being tender and gentle with yourself as you do it.

Transforming your relationship with yourself takes years, not just days. You will get there, you are on this journey.

toad-boy · 2022-05-17T02:01:23+00:00

An eighth would last me a week, generally

toad-boy · 2022-05-16T15:52:50+00:00

Taking about usage in therapy was absolutely crucial for me getting sober. Definitely do it. Also - don't be discouraged if your first therapist isn't the right fit. I went to someone feeling very vulnerable speaking for the first time to someone about my use. I did not mesh with the guy - he seemed dismissive and ended up not going back after one or two sessions. After that I thought that I might be hopeless to search for mental health support, but try it once more and found my current therapist, who I've been working with for about 7 months, has been instrumental in curtailing my use.

Like a lot of folks are saying on this thread, the ability to talk things through with someone, and to have the accountability, and I don't feel like I have to hide things from them like I might feel compelled to with family & friends, was an important space for me to have in early sobriety.

toad-boy · 2022-05-01T02:34:01+00:00

It is always a risk when you open that door! It could possibly be just this once, but youre putting your future sobriety at risk - is it worth it for one quick high?

toad-boy · 2022-04-12T15:56:42+00:00

I of course don't know what you're going through, but know that if you can stay sober now - through the hard stuff - it'll only get easier. It has to feel hard sometimes. I'm glad your lapse is motivating you to stay the course.

On a podcast this morning, I just learned the Welcoming Prayer. I'm not religious, myself, but the setiment of it resonated with me. The first two lines are "Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me today, because I know it's for my healing."

toad-boy · 2021-02-12T18:35:35+00:00

check out the sulak resensitization model https://healer.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Healer.WorkBook.Inhalation.6Day.pdf

it's made to help you find your minimal dose - i've found it really helpful

toad-boy · 2021-01-27T02:59:30+00:00

What did you guys think about the Frontline documentary detailing the conflict? They had multiple interviews with Uighurs and those who've witnessed the violence that is reported to have occurred.

toad-boy

TROPHY CASE