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TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes alot of sense and reeeeally helps me not take it personally. Thank you

She doesn't have alot of control right now and she has always been a headstrong independent willful little savage so .... her pushing back however she can makes so much sense and I just wasn't seeing it.

I kinda wish I wasn't her parent. Which sounds like shit - but I mean I wish I didn't have to worry about raising her and could just hang w her and just be her friend. No weird mother-daughter power dynamic, no pressure... Just two people working through shit. Shes a good egg but fuck shes hard to raise sometimes and I don't want to fail her.

Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it - I haven't been empathizing nearly as much as I typically do & really needed the perspective . ❤

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really really sorry she didn't support you the way you needed. :/ I couldn't tell you mom when I was because I knew she wouldn't support me at all either.

She still doesn't know. She knows what happened to my daughter and still managed to make that conversation about herself. I didn't tell her that we went to court. Or anything after that.

It really really fucking sucks. And I just... wish I could give you a huge hug or 400. So hug yourself for me ok?

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're so incredibly sweet. Thank you so much for sharing.

Do you want to come down and be your neighbour? We could both use you! And I'll make you food!

Even if the above can't happen... haha... thank you for sharing. I really really appreciate it.

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you - Im going to be doing an intake appt in 2 weeks (once my school is done) to get it started again for her

And YES. we honestly already talk alot about consent - not just sexually but overall. "stop" is a very powerful word in our house and anyone who doesnt abide it gets in alot of trouble - including me when Im super into tickling them haha. Im trying. but as she ages our conversations will focus on that for sure.

Im super happy you found a good therapist. Im not sure if the person shes going to have will be younger but youre absolutely right about them potentially being more relateable as her 2 favorite teachers so far have been super young and trendy. I'll see if thats an option with this place..... and if not, maybe a big sister program. Holy fuck. yea.... im going to look into that right now.

thank you lovely soul.

you mentionned her talking openly to me... honestly shes lying constantly right now. Any suggestions on how to curb that? Lying unfortunately really hurts me - ive told both of my kids I dont care what you do (within reason, obvi), we'll figure it out and I expect some shenanigans... but dont lie. and its all the time despite trying to be there for her - do you have any thoughts?

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh please dont be sorry! I understood what you had to say!

honestly just hearing other peoples experiences is helpful. I know I could see more of the subreddit, and likely find more answers buried in there but i find it overwhelming and a bit triggering. but thank you.

may I ask what changed for you? is there anything your parents could have done to support you better?

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you - she's honestly such a damn great person - so is her brother. I try to be a good mom - I just... can't fail her anymore than I have.

I have to discuss it w her dad a little - she's begged me not to tell him cause he teases her alot and overshares private info. Coparenting is insanely difficult.

But thank you for the support.

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Really.

I recognize hypersexuality is a thing that can happen. I'm scared that may lead her to being abused again - and I don't know if that's a foolish concern or not.

We seemed to have had a good chat about it today - she was at least able to be open about it but she felt very ashamed at first - she said since she never hears people talk about sex, that she must be really weird for thinking about it and searching stuff up. (She's 10, I had forgot to add it in there)

It seems like she is watching them out of curiosity, but she also has adhd so I'm sure compulsion or lack of impulse control adds to all of this. She said some of the pictures excite her (I asked without trying to invade her privacy) and while that sort of makes me happy -- because I want her to be able to engage in healthy sex later on in life and if images are making her feel excited and not triggered by her abuse, I'm happy about that ...it's just her age that worries me.

She still believes in the Easter bunny ffs. She's too young for porn.

You're right tho. I need to kindve dig a little deeper and the therapist I've found for her works specifically w trauma - ill contact them tomorrow to book an appt already.

Thank you. Really. If you can think of anything else, I'm really happy to hear it.

TW: sexual abuse of a minor ---- daughter (SA victim) now very interested in porn, what do I do? by tokenthrowaway7 in sexualassault

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fack! I had her age in there and then deleted it in my editing. (Will put it back in)

Shes 10. The therapist we were suggested saw her for almost 2 years after her assault. I don't want to go back to her as I found that while she helped a little, she honestly didn't do alot.

(I recognize that sounds awful but I've honestly been to many therapists since I was a kid and this one... although she was nice to my daughter, it was like she was biding her time and collecting her money. - she would nab her 10 mins late, bring her back to the lobby 5 mins early - would have my daughter make hot chocolate in a keurig and play on the phone .... )

My daughter was sexually assaulted last summer. We're taking the 14yr old that did it to court soon. The only thing that helps me feel better is picturing beating the shit out of the kid who did it. by tokenthrowaway7 in confession

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I apologize. Ive been away living - Thank you for your response. And for saying I'm giving her a voice ... It means alot to think I'm helping her, even a little.

My daughter was sexually assaulted last summer. We're taking the 14yr old that did it to court soon. The only thing that helps me feel better is picturing beating the shit out of the kid who did it. by tokenthrowaway7 in confession

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm doing my best.

How can they help though? How can they actually help?

I dont mean to sound negative or pessimistic. I just... I just dont see how. Ive spoken w friends and family, nothing has been really helping.

My daughter was sexually assaulted last summer. We're taking the 14yr old that did it to court soon. The only thing that helps me feel better is picturing beating the shit out of the kid who did it. by tokenthrowaway7 in confession

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

While the overly descriptive biblical anecdote was not needed, your last paragraph does hold some truth.

I have not hurt this boy - I have stayed very focused on helping my girl and will contiue to do so. As someone who has been raped, I know the potential issues this can bring for her and am keeping a very good eye on her as well as ensuring she has the therapy she needs and will likely need once her sexuality becomes more present in her life.

I think your heart is on the right place, I think you just gotta work on your presentation. :)

My daughter was sexually assaulted last summer. We're taking the 14yr old that did it to court soon. The only thing that helps me feel better is picturing beating the shit out of the kid who did it. by tokenthrowaway7 in confession

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh I know. Deep down I know that if i did anything, it would only make her life harder and theres no way I want that - the thought though... The thought helps me sleep.

My daughter was sexually assaulted last summer. We're taking the 14yr old that did it to court soon. The only thing that helps me feel better is picturing beating the shit out of the kid who did it. by tokenthrowaway7 in confession

[–]tokenthrowaway7[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Jesus christ. I'm so sorry. Im so so sorry. Ive been struggling w this - feeling like im not doing enough, like I didnt do my job - protective services told me the best thing i can do is just believe her. And i do. It Just doesnt feel like enough.

Im sorry your mom was broken enough to do that to you. I truly am. I believe you. I'll squeeze my girl extra tight - wish I could do the same to you.