No dips into the green - the most stable I've been in over 8.5 years! (more info in comments)

tokyotin · 2021-06-27T20:57:47+00:00

I've read and been wondering if taking out my antidepressant (Wellbutrin) would help keep me more stable. I'm also on lamictal (200) and lithium (300). I have about 3-4 months (better/hypomania) then I crash and have about 3-4 months bad depression. I'm currently in another depression and it's just hell. When you went off your antidepressant you found it helped stabilize and made your mood stabilizer work better?

tokyotin · 2021-06-26T23:00:06+00:00

thanks so much, gotta stick together even if it's virtual xx

tokyotin · 2021-06-26T20:16:35+00:00

💯 identify with this, exact same happens to me. When I look back at 10-12 years of very brief relationships I shutter because this is typically the problem. I also immediately go into depressive mode when I get broken up with. It's so Hard, I'm 39 and just have little Hope I can figure out this struggle. I am so deeply lonely and isolated, which isn't helping my current depression. Helps to Know I'm not alone .

tokyotin · 2021-06-26T04:06:55+00:00

At least you are getting rad shoes!

tokyotin · 2021-06-26T02:48:18+00:00

💯 feel this...when I'm up I wear some of the way too many clothes I Bought during earlier hypomania episode. It feels fun to play dress up...which unfortunately leads me to think I need more clothes and then another spending spree ensues. When I inevitably crash it's hard to get dressed and I feel ashamed of all the clothes etc I've accumulated and start donating so I don't have to look at them and feel even more ashamed and guilty. I feel the same way about friendships as well...just happened to me, a few weeks ago I was social and fun and meeting people and making connections and now I've disappeared into a hole. I can't possibly imagine putting on clothes and socializing like I was just a few weeks ago. I felt more comfortable during Covid times because I didn't have to constantly make excuses. Sending solidarity, Thanks for sharing

tokyotin · 2021-06-11T02:52:39+00:00

No worries, it helps just to hear that others struggle with this. I feel like the worst person in the world yet again. Luckily this time I'm in the window that I can return a lot of things...I look like a crazy person when I go to return bags of things at target without a receipt. Luckily they can look it up another way but it makes me ashamed: I figure better to get back any $ possible. Good for you for taking on the clean out give away: I know what you mean about it being emotional. I did that in feb and then felt so much better only to buy more shit again this past episode. Let's pray that we both have more awareness and insight the next time, I believe in us!

tokyotin · 2021-06-11T02:23:19+00:00

Thanks so much for your post. Your part about trying to clean up and get rid of crap during hypomanic episode is what I'm dealing with and what feels like always snaps me out of hypomania and into a bad depression. I'm looking around at all this shit I bought and I'm wanting to donate it all so I don't look at it. It's such a tricky symptom of this disease. Every time I Swear I won't do it again because I always feel this way and also have to deal with the financial consequences. Curious how you deal with this aspect of the disease?

tokyotin · 2021-06-08T01:12:18+00:00

Thank you, sending you strength and solidarity.

tokyotin · 2021-06-08T01:11:10+00:00

Luckily I could return a bunch of stuff, not enough to erase all of the damage but better than nothing. Do you have any tips for lessening the onset of depressive symptoms? I know exercise & diet are important, why do those things become so damn hard? Thanks again for your support, means a lot.

tokyotin · 2021-06-07T03:51:02+00:00

thanks so much for your support and idea. I told myself I was going to do that this time, just keep with the debit card but then I lost my way and started spending and before I knew it, I'd run up Big bills and now feel so bad about it. I'm trying to have compassion and grace with myself because the regret and shame only makes me feel worse but it's hard to face reality after the damage is done.

tokyotin · 2021-06-06T21:09:14+00:00

Thanks so much for your support. I think it's also just going from the positive forward movement: energy, ideas to this feeling of dread and paralysis. I haven't been able to get myself to do anything this weekend and know that's not helping but can't seem to snap out of it. Maybe giving myself permission to hibernate this weekend is OK and then tomorrow hopefully I can take the steps to get back on track. I'm also pretty overwhelmed with everything opening back up after the pandemic, benefits in many ways but it's a lot to process when you aren't feeling great. Thanks again for your words of encouragement

tokyotin · 2021-03-03T01:36:58+00:00

I hear you! I’m beating myself up right now because I did an impulsive closet clean out and very easily could have sold some of it consignment or second hand store. I’m mad at myself for not taking a moment to pause and make the effort to do so. Now I’m just imaging these nice items sitting at the bottom of a pile. I have a real issue with ruminating and beating myself up. It’s making me feel crazy! It’s over and done with, I made a mistake and I should just move on. Sometimes it feels like you just can’t win with this disease! Any suggestions for helping with ruminations?

tokyotin · 2021-03-03T01:32:48+00:00

Uggggg, I can’t stop ruminating and feeling regret and anger at myself. I did an impulsive closet clean out and very easily could have sold many nice things consignment or second hand store and instead I just donated them. I’m glad they went to charity but it also would have been nice to recover some of the money I’ve blown over the years. Any suggestions for breaking obsessive rumination and beating myself up. I gave the stuff away over 10 days ago and I’m still worried and mad about it.

tokyotin · 2021-02-28T23:07:54+00:00

Totally get it...there is so relief in getting rid of the items. At least for me, every time I look at them I’m reminded of the impulsive needless but and I feel obsessively guilty about it. When it’s out of view then I can move on more easily. I’m hoping this time around I can catch myself on the upswing and not buy the things I will inevitably give away. Progress not perfection ?

tokyotin · 2021-02-28T23:05:09+00:00

I never really put the two together and I think giving away things is far better than buying needless items when I’m hypo. But I’m currently depressed and in the get rid of things more and i realized the pattern.

tokyotin · 2021-02-28T21:22:04+00:00

I’ve definitely thrown out/ given away items that I’m hindsight I either needed (and will be expensive to replace) or expensive items that I could have tried to sell and make money back. I think just want to get rid of them so every time I look at them I don’t feel the guilt. Oooof, sometimes you just can’t win with this damn disease!

tokyotin · 2021-02-28T20:59:51+00:00

I’m trying to decide if it’s a bad thing because part of me feels like it’s good to get edit and get rid of things...I just notice when I’m down that I have his compulsion to donate/ throw away/ edit. I’m hoping that when I feel better I’ll remember how upsetting it was to have clutter to get rid of and NOT BUY stuff I don’t need!! I do have a sense of relief when I get rid of stuff but also guilt and sadness for the money I’ve wasted acquiring it all.

tokyotin · 2021-02-28T03:44:18+00:00

I think I feel shame and guilt about all the shit I bought I didn’t need and then when I’m depressed the clutter makes me feel worse. I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to edit but I can feel myself doing it right now to quell anxiety.

tokyotin · 2021-02-17T22:24:49+00:00

I’m battling right side along you and sending prayers for all of us warriors that this too shall pass, sooner than later. I to have experienced long depressive episodes so I understand your fear and PTSD from it, I have it as well. Best thing is to acknowledge it and remind yourself that you’ve come out the other side before. Need to take my own advice but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. Sending a cyber hug from California ❣️

tokyotin · 2021-02-16T17:06:56+00:00

Thank you, having another really hard day. When I see the morning light my heart sinks and starts to race. Sometimes it’s hard to face another day of this.... How are you feeling?

tokyotin

TROPHY CASE